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1
It was hard not to be bitter around all these happy fuckers.
Brian took a swig of beer and set the bottle down, swirling the base around the corner of the drink coaster. There was a vent right above him, pumping out cool air, but he was close enough to the doors that he was still a little warm. He wanted to be ready to go, though. As much as he appreciated the people he worked with, it was sweet torture to be with them.
John Palmer tipped back his head and laughed at something Zeke said, and Chad nodded his head and made this weird motion with his hands, even using his bad one. Brian was too far away to hear who exactly was telling the story, but it looked damn funny. Aiden rested a hand on his brother John’s shoulder and the two of them laughed like they’d grown up together, though they’d only known each other a few years. It was a joyous occasion.
Brian glanced at Shannon, John’s wife. In her arms, she held her niece, baby Fallon. She was a cute thing, though he’d only seen her at a distance. She’d grown a lot since Zeke’s wedding at Christmas, though, her eyes bright and watchful. And Aiden’s wife was holding John and Shannon’s baby, Sophia, her dark curls obvious from here. This entire Fourth of July weekend seemed to be devoted to babies and birthdays and strengthening family ties.
It only made him feel more alone.
Parker Quinn was there too, looking thoughtful as he watched the interactions. He was one of the newer guys, but Duncan had enough faith in him to start a Lost and Found branch in Columbus, with Parker at the helm. Parker, a former Navy SEAL, was a damned good interpreter of middle eastern languages and Columbus had been dealing with a wave of terroristic activity. For the past year and a half, he and his girlfriend Andromeda, a prosecutor, been working cases and doing what they could to help local law enforcement.
There were half a dozen guys out there in Columbus, both newbies and vets, and it sounded like both branches were balls-to-the-wall busy. Brian had been doing some forensic accounting work for the Columbus branch recently, in addition to his own investigator duties. The Vail office was busy enough, but Brian was thinking about change. He’d been out there for years, separate from the big LNF group and separate from the men he worked with in his own office. Grif, his boss, and Kendall had their family, and Diego and Lilly as well. As much as he loved the guys, he felt… disconnected. When five o’clock rolled around, they were gone, off to see their families. He didn’t have that luxury. Most of his family still lived in Michigan, a long way from Colorado, and it had been a long time since he’d been in any kind of relationship.
So, what did he do with himself, other than mope and play too many video games? He wasn’t even sure anymore. Dating sucked as bad as being alone. There were a couple of younger guys in the group that didn’t mind putting themselves out there for public consumption, but that wasn’t Brian’s way. At least, not anymore.
Duncan came out of the back office and made his way around the room, smiling at his men and stopping for an occasional comment. Eventually, he made his way around to Brian. “Mind if I sit down?”
“ ‘Course not. Help yourself.”
Duncan sank into the chair, grimacing at the hard seat. About two years ago he’d had his hip replaced and Brian knew he preferred the softer cushions.
“I’m glad you could make it.”
Brian snorted. “It wasn’t like I had much choice,” he said, voice dry. “Grif closed up the Vail office.”
Duncan grinned and cocked an eyebrow at him. “Are you complaining about our Fourth of July party?”
Brian looked around the garishly decorated Frog Dog bar. “Not at all.”
Twice a year, the partners encouraged as many of the employees as possible to come home for the ‘team building’ Fourth of July weekend and Christmas weekend. Brian knew what it was, though. The July weekend was actually a way to get the men together so that they wouldn’t be traumatized by the holiday celebrations. Several of them still struggled with PTSD and the weekend was usually the worst of the year with firecrackers and mortars going off at random times. And he had to admit, it was nice hanging with buddies rather than flashing back when the occasional boomers went off. They would stay here and shoot the shit with the music too loud until the wee hours of the morning, then head to wherever they were staying for the night.
And Christmas gatherings were a given. Most of the men had families out here, now. They’d all started at the Denver branch, so it was natural to come back here.
The Vail crew had rented an AirBNB for a couple of nights and they’d just hang. Their schedules had been cleared and it would be a nice break for everyone.
Tonight, it was a true celebration. There were babies and friends they hadn’t seen in a long time. Shannon was beaming over her daughter, who was six months old now. The kid was damn cute, with her curly hair and dimples. He could understand why the Palmers were so smitten with her. Even their twins doted on the little one and Brian had no doubt they would all three be wreaking havoc in no time.
He glanced at Diego across the way. His buddy used to be the most affected by sounds and people, but it had been a good while since anything had affected him that way recently. Diego had been incredibly happy with Lilly and their little one, Carmen, and his secure home life had translated to his entire being. Same with Grif and the kids. He’d known Grif for years, but Kendall and the two babies rounded out his life better than anything else. Both families were growing like crazy. Jameson was a walking, talking version of his dad, but little Zoe was already taking after her stunning mother, batting her golden lashes at anyone who would look at her.
This wasn’t the first time Brian had thought about leaving the Vail office and looking for something better. No, not better. Just… different. He needed a change of pace. Something to shake up his life. He’d thought more than once about transferring to the Buckeye Brigade, as John liked to call them. His family was in Michigan, and he wondered if he wasn’t feeling a little isolated from them as well. It wasn’t as easy to get back to see them anymore, with the way he was working. Maybe if he was closer, it wouldn’t be as much of a trial.
Even working with the Dogs of War in Virginia might be cool. Brian knew they were actively rehabilitating the men they’d retrieved from the jungle prison camps. It seemed like they kept finding more prisoners, though, scattered around the globe. Dr. Elizabeth Cole had taken on an incredible challenge, assuming the head of the Collaborative and making reparations to all of the men involved, as well as their families. That had been such a dirty deal and Brian knew if a guy had come to him with the same recruitment spiel, it would have been very tempting. He couldn’t blame any of them for taking part in the testing—it was fascinating actually— but the government had completely turned on those men. And the Silverstone Collaborative had been the tool to do it. Wulfe and Fontana had stayed in Virginia with the men. From what Brian understood, they were creating a secondary location outside of the Elton building, a place where they could all rehabilitate the way they were meant to. Men that had been trained by the government could only stay inside a hospital for so long, but safety measures had to be considered. The property had to be vast enough to house them all, because many of the men chosen to participate in the original program had had no family to speak of.
A hand waved in front of his face and Brian jerked. “Oh, sorry, First Sergeant. I didn’t hear what you said.”
Duncan lifted his brows at him. “I was just asking how you were doing? You seem a little reserved tonight.”
Brian looked out at the excitement around him, all friends, all willing to risk their lives for one another, and guilt swamped him. Duncan and the guys had done so much for him. He shook his head. “I’m good, sir. Just… restless.”
Duncan tipped his head and took a swallow of beer. “In general, or just tonight?”
“In general,” he admitted.
Nodding, his boss braced his elbows on the table. “There’ve been a lot of personal changes over the past several years, and you’re kind of feeling left behind?”
Brian blinked at Duncan, not surprised that the man totally understood where he was coming from. But why should he be surprised? It hadn’t been so long ago when Duncan had been alone. For several years, he’d made no bones about being a bachelor. And now, when Duncan looked at Alex, Brian could still see some wonder in his eyes, as if he couldn’t believe his luck. And when he looked at his little girl running across the room, his face melted into a loving smile. Brian had seen it happen repeatedly tonight.
