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“Yeah, I’m not sure that I’m a spreading my wings kinda person. I have to feel a connection with someone before I jump into bed with them,” I say. “I don’t know how to do the casual relationship thing.”I wish I fucking could.
She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “I know, babe, I’m just saying. You always feel too much, way too much, and I’m the first to admit, you two were really cute together, but maybe you should make the first move? Why do you have to wait for him to call you?”
I know she’s right, but a part of me thought that a man like Lukas Bentley would take the lead. I want him to want me, and now I realize how juvenile that actually sounds.
He’s a busy guy.And he’s probably off with the next available broad, having the time of his life, not thinking about me.
I can’t help but feel like a bit of a sap. But remembering our last night together… it was so passionate. It was like we’d known each other for not just a few days, but a lifetime. He’s amazing.
I just don’t know what to do with all these feelings floating around inside of me.
“I don’t have to, but he made it pretty clear that we were just a vacation thing, and if I call him, he’ll think I’m needy and pathetic.”
“So fucking what?” she whisper-shouts as I shoosh her anyway. “Or, he might like the idea of a woman being sassy and strong, owning what she wants and taking matters into her own hands. If he doesn’t fall over himself to get to you, then right him off, seriously.”
“It’s harder when you’re not in Mexico, under the guise of having a fling.”
She looks at me long and hard. “You really did fall for this guy, didn’t you?”
“What?” I reply. “That’s ridiculous.”
She narrows her eyes. “I don’t think so. I know that look.”
“What look? The look that says I read more into it than what there was?”
“No, the look that tells me you’re hook, line, and sinker for Mr. B.”
“You talk a load of shit.”
She rolls her eyes. “You can’t fool me, Ari. Which is why I say either take matters into your own hands or forget him altogether. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for a guy to pursue you, but a man like Lukas Bentley doesn’t seem like the type to stick to just one woman, if you know what I mean.”
I do know what she means, and she isn’t trying to be mean. Just realistic.
Lukas has a bevy of women at his beck and call. I’m just another notch on his belt, a willing participant, but a notch, nonetheless.
“I do know, which is why I’m washing my hands of it. I need a reality check, and while we’re at it, I’ve decided I’m going to start that new course I was telling you about, then see if I can use some of my contacts to get some practical training. I realized a lot of things while I was away, one of them being that I’m stuck in a dead-end job that I’m sick of and I want to change it. I want to do something else.”
“Good for you, sweetie.” She beams. “I think you’d really suit having your own flower shop. It’s kind of romantic.”
“Well, I’d have to start at the bottom, and work my way up, but there’s no time like the present.”
Even if I don’t exactly relish the idea of night school, I still can’t quit my job until I’m qualified, and that may be a long time coming. However, I’m excited about the prospect.
Another week drags on, and I haven’t heard from Lukas at all.
I’m starting to think I imagined it all.
Why hasn’t he called me?
I’ve tried and failed so many times to message him, but each time, I talk my way out of it.
All that I have left of him is the memory, and that’s bad enough.
I know it’s crazy, but it’s like I feel him everywhere. Like I can even smell his distinct, spicy scent, though I know that’s impossible.
It’s my turn to do the coffee run the following Monday morning, and I feel a little bit chipper knowing that I’m starting my course this week. I couldn’t be happier, in fact. Not that I’m going to tell work at the moment, but if they find out, I can always say that I’m trying to expand my skills. They’d buy it.
The thing about bosses, is they think they own you. Well, I’m sick of paying the debt to my slave grinder of a boss. I want to be free.
