AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“When are you heading back to Maine?” Joel distracts me from my thoughts again, and I turn to him with a shaky smile.
He looks the exact same way he always has since the day Cassie and he met in school. Light-brown hair that he keeps short, brown eyes, and a smile that melts people’s hearts. He’s always the first person to offer help, and the last to leave when something needs to get done. He and Cassie were perfect together, and knowing that I’ll never see what their children look like is just one more reason for me to miss my sister.
“I think I’m just about done packing everything that’s not going to charity.” I think about the picture on the wall. The one that I haven’t been able to bring myself to move. My stomach churns. “I should be back before the end of June.”
Thinking about it, saying goodbye to the last place that Cassie called home, is complicated. I feel her presence there. Every room has a memory of hers. Every window she had looked out and thought about her life. But that isn’t Cassie or it isn’t everything about her. She’s there at home, too. Our room at Mom and Dad’s is still the same way we left it when we went off to college.
Our conversation is cut short by the ferry pulling in to dock. Disembarking is a mission and a half with all the other people aboard, so I’m thankful when I don’t have to try and multitask.
“I’m not going home for a bit,” he tells me once we finally get off the ferry and into a cab headed toward the house. “I think I need some space.”
I know exactly what he means. That’s why I’ve been taking my time, too. Packing up Cassie’s belongings is hard, but the thought of going home and seeing everyone there is almost too much to handle. I don’t even know how my parents will be able to look at me and not burst into tears. Hell, most days I don’t even look in a mirror, because when I do, I see her there, looking back at me with my eyes.
“How many things are left on the list?” I change the subject since that is really the only thing I can do.
Joel closes his eyes and leans back against the seat, looking like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. He doesn’t answer me until we get back to the house. I’m not bothered by it, though. Joel has always been a quiet person. The only one who could get him to open up and come out of his shell was Cassie. When she was around, he lit up and spoke.
We were all friends, spending time together, planning our lives together. But now, Cassie is gone. And both Joel and I are left broken.
“I think I’m going to get a tattoo,” I tell him later that night when he’d packed all of his stuff back in the duffel he brought with him. “Do you want to go with me?”
Joel laughs, short and almost harsh. “No, thanks. I tried to talk Cassie out of getting hers. I’m not too keen on the idea of you getting one either.”
I laugh as I lean against the doorframe. He’s right, though. Joelhadtried to convince Cassie not to get her tattoo. But my sister was obsessed with wildflowers, always had been. So when we turned twenty, I held her hand while she got an entire sleeve in one sitting. Six hours she sat in that chair with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on her face. Surprisingly, when it was over, she immediately wanted to get another one.
“I know you did,” I tell him when the laughter stops. “But this is something I want to do to honor her, ya know?”
He nods solemnly, putting the last of his clothes in his luggage that he’s had since we graduated high school. Idly, I remember the day I helped Cassie pick out the bags as his graduation present since they were moving to go to college together. She’d been so excited to do something useful for him. My life will forever be filled with bittersweet memories of Cassie, and I’m just barely starting to acknowledge it.
“You could come with me, ya know?”
I blink, not realizing that Joel has finished packing and is watching me with an almost apprehensive look.
“I can’t,” I tell him. “I have to get home and get ready for school to start in the fall.” Not to mention the fact that I really don’t want to go traveling with my dead sister’s boyfriend. Something about it just makes me feel skeevy. Besides, that would mean I’d be leaving Cole sooner than I plan.
Clearly, running out and leaving him with his grandmother was a mistake. I may be a chicken, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be apologizing anytime soon.
Joel, with one duffel slung over his shoulder and another hanging from his hand, tilts his head and stares at me with a curious gaze.
“Your sister used to get that look on her face, too. When she was thinking about something she didn’t want to talk about.”
I shrug off the regret I feel at leaving Cole behind without an explanation and run a hand through my curls.
“Yeah,” I say sadly. “We all have things we don’t want to talk about.”
After I walk Joel out to his car and watch him leave, the loneliness I’ve managed to keep at bay while he was here comes roaring back to life. I stand there on the front steps, unable to actually step foot back in the house. I can’t do it, not until I pull myself together. Thankfully, Sori and her children are walking by. Otherwise, there’s no telling how long I would have sat there feeling sorry for myself.
I wait until they are passing the house before I say anything.
“Do you want to get a tattoo with me?”
Sori pauses, smiles broadly, and then laughs. “Actually. No, I don’t want one right now. But I know exactly where to go if you’re looking for one.”
Perking up at the sudden possibility that I will be able to get the tattoo I need for Cassie, I am all ears for what Sori has to say next.
“Let me give Mimi a call. She would love to watch Chloe and Laurence until we get done.”
I look over her shoulder, toward their house. “Where’s Emmett?”
