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He pretends to look shocked. ‘I can’t believe you’d even think that.’
I raise an eyebrow. ‘Believe me. When I first met Mr Arsehole Lawyer, I had him pretty much worked out. I mean…’ I stop myself just in time.
‘I was that much of a cliché?’ Holding my hands, he pulls me close.
‘Oh yes.’
‘There was no-one.’ His eyes are earnest. ‘There never has been…’
His sentence goes unfinished as I gently pull away. ‘Glass of wine?’
He’s silent for a moment. ‘Are you sure you want me to stay? I mean, I know you have a lot on your mind. I understand if you need some space.’
‘I’d really like you to stay.’ I like him being here. And his presence is a much-needed distraction, reminding me I’m not the only one with things going on. ‘Before you got here, it was like I was going mad. It’s good to think about something else.’ Getting up, I fetch a bottle and two glasses.
‘I can definitely help with that,’ he says wryly. ‘You know those flashbacks I’ve been telling you about?’ He pauses. ‘I did what you suggested and went to see someone.’
‘What brought that on?’ When I suggested it before, he seemed ambivalent.
He hesitates. ‘I had another flashback. It was kind of the missing link between Lori and Billy being madly in love – and the crash. They broke up.’ There’s anguish in his eyes as he remembers. ‘It was like she’d had a change of heart. Billy…’ Heshakes his head. ‘His heart was broken – and it was like I was reliving it, all over again.’
Even now, it appears to be hanging over him. I pass him a glass of wine. ‘And you think the crash happened after that?’
‘At some point. It was weird. I couldn’t shake off the feeling there was something I was missing. So I went to see Rita. Freya used to talk about her,’ he explains. ‘Anyway, I found her online and turned up at her place. Not exactly conventional, but Rita isn’t conventional. She said all kinds of stuff that sounded bonkers. But at the same time, she made a lot of sense.’
‘Such as?’ I watch him closely.
‘OK. So this was out there even for me, so don’t judge me,’ he half-jokes. ‘To start with, I told her about Joe dying and how it was a miracle I’d got out of the taxi. She asked about Joe and I told her how great he was. And that I was kind of the opposite.’
‘Not any more,’ I remind him.
‘No.’ A flicker of surprise crosses his face. ‘I told her a lot of things had changed. She said that when you come up close to death, that happens sometimes. She also said…’ For a moment, he sounds choked. ‘We don’t lose people. They stay with us. I kind of like that.’ He pauses. ‘Then… she asked me exactly what had changed since losing Joe – I started telling her about the flashbacks and how they don’t belong in my life. I told her how it felt like Billy was me. I honestly expected her to think I was mad.’
I curl my feet under me. ‘She didn’t?’
He shrugs. ‘She just asked if I had any idea where they’d come from – which of course, was the whole point I’d gone to see her. Then I told her about your Eye of Horus tattoo. I mean, Lori’s. You know what I mean.’ He’s quiet for a moment. ‘She asked a bit about you. I told her we only met just before the crash, yet I have these overwhelmingly powerful feelings for you.’
My heart misses a beat as he says that.
‘It’s true, Marnie. I do.’ His eyes gaze into mine. ‘I can’t explain it. But we just get each other. It’s like we’ve met before – or something.’ He hesitates, stroking a lock of hair behind my ear. ‘It isn’t just me, is it?’
I’m engulfed by the strangest emotions, because it’s exactly how it feels. ‘It isn’t just you.’ I gaze back at him. It’s the timing I can’t get my head around, coming now, when I’m ill. Or maybe I’m missing the point. Maybe I’ve met Forrest when I most need him.
‘Is it too much?’ he asks quietly.
‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘It isn’t. It’s just…’ Reaching out, I touch his face. ‘It’s just that right now, my entire life is uncertain. I don’t know where that leaves us.’
‘Rita said something else.’ His eyes don’t leave mine. ‘She said what if my flashbacks were real?’ He pauses. ‘If they came from another life?’
I do a double take. ‘What do you mean?’
‘So here’s the thing.’ He takes a deep breath. ‘She believes we live multiple lifetimes, and that maybe you and I have met before – in another life.’
‘Excuse me?’ My head is in a whirl. I’ve always dismissed the subject of past lives as something completely woo-woo, yet Forrest seems to be buying into it. I try to be diplomatic. ‘I’ve never been sure they actually exist.’
‘According to Rita, nor are most people.’ His eyes are bright as he goes on. ‘She’s done past-life regression. But that’s beside the point. Her view is that soulmates test each other – and that each lifetime is about learning. Then when we die, our souls go on, returning at some point. We don’t remember our past lives – well, not usually. We only remember the life lessons they’ve given us.’
‘I don’t know about souls. I’m not religious,’ I say hastily.
