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Eventually, I get a grip of myself. ‘I’m so sorry.’ Pulling away, I wipe my face. ‘And I’m sorry about your jumper.’ There’s a damp patch near one of his shoulders. ‘I’m fine. Honestly, I am.’ As I gaze at him, I can’t stop myself as, reaching out, I gently touch his face.
‘Shall I make us a cup of coffee?’ he suggests quietly.
‘I’ll do it.’ I make a superhuman effort to pull myself together. ‘It’s a temperamental machine.’
‘Don’t worry,’ he says. ‘I used to have one just like this.’
Sitting down, I let him get on with it, grateful he’s come here.
Bringing the coffee over, he sits opposite me, looking at me for a moment. ‘Are you going to tell me what’s happening?’
Another tear rolls down my cheek as I go on, watching his face turn pale as I tell him what the consultant said about the MRI results. That I have multiple brain tumours; that my symptoms are consistent with them being astrocytomas; how until they operate and do a biopsy, they can’t be 100 per cent sure.
‘What happens next?’ He looks numb.
‘I have surgery. Next week.’ It still doesn’t seem real.
He looks shocked. ‘It’s good it’s soon,’ he says at last.
‘Is it?’ A tear rolls down my cheek. ‘I can’t decide.’
‘I suppose when something like this happens, it’s better just to get it over with.’ He pauses. ‘There’s still hope, though, isn’t there? Until you get the biopsy results?’
I’m silent. In theory, yes. But after what the consultant said, my instincts are telling me something else.
He clasps his hands together. ‘This is crap.’
‘The worst kind.’ There’s a lump in my throat.
He reaches for one of my hands. ‘If I can do anything…’
‘Thank you. Just you being here…’ My voice wavers. ‘It helps.’ Thinking of Rae for a moment, I can’t believe she and Forrest haven’t met yet. ‘Rae’s been great. She knows what’s going on.’I grasp at straws. ‘There are new treatments all the time.’I’m trying to be positive. ‘I’m scared.’I’m terrified. ‘I just have to hope I’m going to be OK.’ But reading obsessively about brain cancer is keeping me awake at night.
His grasp on my hand tightens. ‘Just so you know, I’m here if you need me.’
His touch, his closeness, triggers a feeling that’s almost agonising. Being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness precisely as I’m wondering if I’ve found the love I’ve dreamed of… The extremes are almost too much.
There’s bewilderment in his eyes as they hold mine, as leaning towards me, he kisses me. It’s a kiss that stirs the most powerful feelings, as it’s like I’m falling, helpless to stop it.
Gently pulling away, he rests his forehead against mine as gently he hooks a strand of hair behind my ears in a gesture of intimacy I’ve never known the like of before.
I want to say something, to tell him how I’m feeling. But despite what’s going on, there are no words as I look into his eyes, just the deepest feeling of calm.
Forrest stays with me that day, nothing seemingly too much trouble for him. ‘Why don’t you put your feet up? I can make you a drink of something?’
‘Stop worrying. I’m OK.’ I manage a smile.
‘I want to worry about you.’ After filling the kettle, he comes over and puts his arms around me.
‘I bet you say that to all the girls,’ I tease him.
He looks embarrassed. ‘I really would rather not go there, if you don’t mind.’
I hold him at arm’s length. ‘You’re not getting off that easily.’ I gaze at him. ‘OK, let’s pretend I’m the lawyer. It’s my turn to ask the questions and your turn to answer.’
He raises an eyebrow. ‘You like role-play?’
I shake my head at him. ‘Not the kinky kind. Question one, Forrest. The girls in your life. Let me guess. Blond-haired, super-fit, high heels, the kind that like to go on exotic holidays…’
