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‘You think it might have been related to a flashback?’ My voice is husky.
He nods. ‘I know I freaked you out last night. But what if Rita’s right about past lives?’ He stares into my eyes. ‘The onlyreason it sounds so weird is because of what we’re programmed to believe. People believe in God, right? Even though there’s no actual proof there is one. I don’t see why it’s any different with past lives.’
I look at him, incredulous. ‘You believe her, don’t you?’
His eyes are wide. ‘Honestly? I don’t know what to believe. All I do know is that since the crash, since meeting you, my whole world’s been turned upside down. I’m questioning everything, Marnie. And I’m trying to keep an open mind…’ He hesitates. ‘And there’s what Rita said. About your tattoo being a sign – that you and I were meant to find each other.’
The conversation leaves my head reeling, another layer of uncertainty in an already uncertain world, one that’s countered by what exists between me and Forrest. But even that’s a paradox.Why now?I can’t stop thinking. If the universe has a plan for us, if our paths were meant to cross, why wait till now, when I’m ill?
But there is comfort, too, in that I’m not alone; that I have both Rae and Forrest in my life; that after a lifetime without it, there is love. As the day of my surgery looms closer, I distract myself by focusing onafter. I buy a huge sheet of paper and make a wish list of things I want to do with my life. Places to go – in the UK, in case I have to stay a while, as well as further afield – filling my mind with adventures.
But it isn’t just Forrest whose life has been turned upside down. When I think of leaving him, suddenly it isn’t that simple.
It’s crazy; it’s such early days. But even so, I can’t help thinking that there’s an inevitability about us; that I’ve alwaysknown how love should feel. That only now with Forrest, have I found it.
In a surreal twist, that evening I receive an email from my ex in Spain, telling me our house has sold and he’s transferred my half of the money. It spurs me on, gives my dreams substance. Gathering pictures of Greek beaches and Italian streets, Mediterranean food and sunshine, I add them to my wish list, closing my eyes and imagining the heat of the sun on my skin, sinking into warm depths of clear green water.
Aware of time speeding up, a sense of urgency fills me. There are books I want to read. I jot down some titles to order from Rae. There are conversations to have with Birdy; with Forrest, too, as it strikes me. These are people in my life who aren’t trivial, fleeting connections. For the first time in a very long time, I have friends.
Out of the blue, the following day, Forrest surprises me. Coming up behind me, he puts his arms around me. ‘You can say no, and I know the timing might be out, but I’ve booked us a couple of days away.’
I shake my head. ‘I have surgery coming up. I can’t.’
‘You don’t go in until Thursday night. My plan is for us to go tomorrow. We could have two nights and still be back on Wednesday.’
I stare at him, uncertain. But the old me wouldn’t have hesitated. The thought galvanises something in me. I have this window of days before life takes another uncertain turn. If Iwant to, there’s nothing to stop me doing this. ‘OK.’ My face breaks into a smile. ‘I’ve no idea what you’re suggesting… but let’s do this!’
It turns out he’s booked a couple of days in southern Ireland. It also turns out he’s thought of everything, from booking taxis to finding a quiet hotel near a secluded beach.
I’ve never been to Ireland before. But with cloudless blue skies, green hills that roll down to meet the sea, it’s a glimpse of paradise.
The pure air and peacefulness are therapeutic. As is the water, shimmering blue, cold enough that when we swim, it invigorates us; takes our breath away.
For the time we’re here, I try to live in the moment. And for the most part I do, swept away by the beauty around us, by the magic of this love between us.
The first night, we watch the sun set. Gazing across the water, I take in the constancy of its movement, its multiple shades, the outstretched wings of sea birds set against an orange sky.
‘This is perfect.’ I lean my head on Forrest’s shoulder.
‘It is.’ He kisses the top of my head. ‘But only because you’re here.’
‘Thank you,’ I say quietly. ‘For bringing me here. For reminding me how beautiful this life is.’
We stay there into the night, Forrest’s arm around me as we watch the stars appear, until eventually the full moon rises. I’ve never seen anything like it. Not just the scale of it as it edges above the horizon. But the colour, too.
‘I’ve never seen a peach moon.’
‘Me neither,’ he says softly.
‘Do you think this is a dream?’ I say wistfully. ‘That any minute we’ll wake up and find ourselves in Arundel?’
‘If it is a dream, they don’t get much better.’ Forrest takes one of my hands.
As I sit in silence, he glances at me. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Making a wish.’ With my eyes closed, I’m wishing on the moon. For more life, for my illness to go away; for us to stay here, in this moment, until time runs out.
19
