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‘That’s the weirdest thing. It’s like I can remember being there,’ he says quietly. ‘Most of the congregation were young. I could see the sunlight catching the tears on their faces. Someone turned and glared at me. If I could only explain how that felt.’ For a moment, his face looks haunted. ‘It was like they blamed me.’ His eyes meet mine. ‘Or rather, Billy. I felt all this guilt. And so ashamed…’ His voice wavers. ‘There’s no doubt it was Lori’s funeral. There was a photo of her on the coffin. And I had an Order of Service. That’s how I know her name. Lori Carmichael.’
I feel a trickle of sweat underneath my t-shirt as Forrest goes on.
‘I don’t know how she died. But I think it was in the crash.’ He looks haunted.
‘Forrest. You don’t know that. All of this…’ Unsettled, seeing what this is doing to him, I’m clutching wildly at straws. ‘You still don’t know this isn’t a dream.’
‘But it fits – you must be able to see that.’ He seems restless all of a sudden. ‘Anyway, now that I have her name, I’m closer to finding out more about her.’
‘If she’s real,’ I say quietly.
Back at Rae’s, I fall asleep on the sofa, waking again as she comes in from work. The sun has caught her hair, bringing out its golden lights, and she’s smiling, like she has a secret.
‘Hello.’ I stifle a yawn. ‘You look happy.’
‘Never mind me. How about you?’ Her anxious look is back.
‘Stop worrying about me! I feel so much more like my old self. Guess what.’ Smiling, I pause for effect. ‘I went out with Forrest today.’
Her eyes widen. ‘You’re supposed to be taking it easy.’
‘I know.’ I roll my eyes. ‘But today was a really good day. We had fun – and we talked.’ My smile fades. ‘I know you care – and I’m really grateful. But I’m listening to my body. When these moments come along, as long as I feel OK, I have to go with them.’
Coming over to the sofa, she sits next to me. ‘I’m just worried.’ Her voice shakes.
‘Me, too.’ But instead of fear taking me over, for once, I’m calm. ‘That’s why I have to seize these moments.’ Because at some point, I might not be able to. I know from the barely perceptible nod of Rae’s head that she gets it.
‘You should invite Forrest over one evening. I want to meet him.’
‘I’ll ask him.’ It seems insane that even now their paths have yet to cross.
She’s silent for a moment. ‘Actually, something happened while you were in hospital.’
I watch her cheeks tinge with pink. ‘What kind of something?’
‘Well.’ She twists her hands. ‘The day you had surgery, after I phoned the hospital, I went for a walk around the lake. I bumped into the guy you met at the folly, the one with the toxic ex, who came into the bookshop after. His name’s Jack.’
I stare at her. ‘How don’t I know this?’
‘In case you’ve forgotten, there have been other things going on,’ she says pointedly. ‘I was always going to tell you – only I was waiting until you were feeling a bit better. He drove me over to see you that evening. And the following day. He’s really nice. Oh, I left out the funniest bit. He keeps goats…’
As she carries on telling me about Jack’s pet goats, I listen, gobsmacked. When I first met Rae, she was weighed down by grief; hiding from life behind the shelves in her bookshop. The change is extraordinary.
‘I’m really happy for you,’ I say quietly.
Rae’s eyes are wide as she gazes at me. They’re beautiful, Rae’s eyes. Blue tinged with green, with thick brown lashes. I can’t believe I haven’t noticed before.
‘You know, I have you to thank for it.’ Her eyes don’t leave mine. ‘Meeting you… The way you’re facing your illness… You’ve changed the way I look at almost everything.’
I feel a knot of emotion inside me. ‘You were navigating your grief. That’s all.’
‘Seriously.’ As she takes one of my hands, her eyes are fierce.
‘So.’ I swallow the lump that’s suddenly in my throat. ‘About Jack… I want to know everything.’
‘Oh.’ Rae looks away. ‘Well, after I met his goats, we went inside. He was making tea and I was watching him…’ There’s a distant look in her eyes. ‘I suddenly realised that he’s like no-one I’ve ever met before.’ She looks slightly uncertain. ‘So I kissed him.’
My eyes are like saucers. ‘And then what?’
