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Standing there, she doesn’t speak.
‘Marnie?’ I whisper.
‘It’s bad.’ Her eyes glisten. ‘The cancer is stage four. I have to think about what happens when things get worse.’ Her eyes are like those of a rabbit caught in the headlights of a car.
I want to be brave, strong. To harness my inner warrior. But as she stands there, suddenly I can’t stop my tears from flowing.
Taking her hand, I lead her over to the sofa. ‘They’re sure?’
She nods. ‘The biopsy…’ She stares at her hands. ‘The tumour they removed is a glioblastoma. There are other parts of my brain the scan showed up where it’s spread to…’ Her voice shakes as she tells me the rest.
I feel the blood drain from my face. ‘So what happens next?’
She wipes her tears away. ‘Radiotherapy and chemo…’
Previously unfamiliar words that trigger fear; that stick in my throat. Shock washes over me. ‘But there’s a good chance they’ll work, right?’
‘They won’t cure it.’ She swallows. ‘It’s about slowing the growth of the cancer cells.’ She tries to rally. ‘But don’t worry. I’m playing the long game – a year, hopefully two. And I’m not giving up without a fight.’
But her trademark brightness is dimmed as it begins to sink in that there is no cure. A single tear snakes down my face. ‘When does your treatment start?’
‘Soon.’
‘Right.’ A sudden calm comes over me. ‘First, we need to find a way to get you to the hospital – and not the train. Not for something like this. I’ll talk to Jack.’
Touching my arm, she shakes her head. ‘It’s OK, Rae. Forrest is going to take me.’ She smiles through her tears. ‘To be honest, I don’t have a choice. What he actually said was, “Wild horses wouldn’t keep me away”.’
As I look at her, my eyes fill with tears. ‘It’s so unfair,’ I whisper. ‘You meeting him now…’
‘I know.’ Nodding, she swallows.
‘Marnie?’ I take her hands tentatively. ‘I haven’t told you before. It didn’t seem like the right time.’ I hesitate. ‘But Jack works in a hospice.’
She looks startled. But in her shoes, just the mention ofhospiceis another sharp reminder of this world she’s entered. ‘I had no idea.’ She says it as though I’ve told her he’s a pilot or a singer.
‘I just thought you should know,’ I say quietly. ‘But please… You must stay here, with me and Birdy,’ I plead. ‘For as long as you want to.’
‘Oh, no.’ She says it firmly. ‘I’m going to be puking all the time. I’m going to move back to mine.’
I shake my head. ‘You can’t be alone.’
‘I’m not going to be,’ she reassures me. Going on, she tells me it’s the other part of Forrest’s plan, to be there when she needs him. ‘He’s there now. I told him, just before I came here.’ She smiles at me sadly. ‘You’re the best friend anyone could wish for, Rae – and you’re only a short walk away. But you’ve already done so much – and you have your own life to think about.’
22
MARNIE
As I walk home from Rae’s, my heart is heavy. And after giving Forrest the briefest explanation of what’s happening, now I have to tell him the rest.
Back at home, I find him in the kitchen, standing at the window, his back to me as he gazes outside. When he turns, his eyes are red from crying.
Going over to him, I put my arms around him. Standing there, neither of us speaks. But knowing what we face, there are no trite words; nothing to make this OK.
‘You’ve seen Rae?’ he says quietly when at last he pulls away.
I nod. I can’t tell him how shit that was, too. ‘She asked me to go and stay there.’ My voice wavers. ‘I told her you were going to be here.’ Going over to the sink, I fill two glasses. As I hand one to Forrest, the other slips from my hand. Watching it smash onto the floor, any composure I’d held on to vanishes.
I feel myself crumple, tears pouring from my eyes.
