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Mum frowns. ‘Well, that’s a bit strange. Why wouldn’t you want to be with your husband when he’s been hurt so badly?’ She frowns. ‘This isn’t like you. Max needs you. What’s going on, Hannah?’
I’ve never been able to keep things from my mother, even as a child. She always had an uncanny ability to justknowwhat was going on with me. She felt it, even if I didn’t share a word of anything I was going through.
I leave my cup of green tea untouched, and ignore the plate of biscuits she always puts out. It’s only ever Poppy who ends up eating them. ‘I think…Max was leaving me, Mum.’
‘Oh, love. No.’ She rushes over to me and throws her arms around me. ‘Why do you think that? You and Max are…you’re inseparable. You’ve been through so much together.’
Formulating the right explanation is difficult. Mum has always liked Max, and thinks of him as a son. ‘Lately, we’ve…we seem to have drifted apart.’ButIhaven’t. I’ve been right where I’ve always been. It’s only Max who’s drifted.
‘Actually, I did wonder if something was going on,’ Mum says. ‘The last few times I’ve seen you together there seemed to be…I don’t know… tension in the air. Something like that.’ She sighs. ‘I thought it was just work stress. That’s what you told me. And Max has never said anything whenever we’ve chatted. And he does talk to me, you know. He’s always been able to tell me things. About his past. I know all about the fight he got into when he was younger. And the boy he attacked who could have died. He talks to me, Hannah.’
Mum’s rarely spoken to me about Max’s past before, and I’m surprised she’s doing it now. ‘It wasn’t just Max. There were a few of them.’ Not that this excuses anything. Although Max claims they attacked these other boys in self-defence, he’s regretted his actions ever since. At least that’s what I’ve always believed.
‘And it wasn’t easy for him after his dad left,’ Mum continues.
‘I know. It wasn’t just work stress. But it’s fine. Poppy and I will be okay. We’ll get through this.’
‘Of course you will. You always do. But that doesn’t stop the pain. You don’t have to soldier on. It’s okay to admit you’re struggling.’
We both turn to watch Poppy throwing a large stick to Peach. She runs around the garden and the dog chases after her, the stick hanging out of his mouth.
‘What makes you so sure he was leaving you?’ she asks.
‘Please don’t, Mum. Can you just trust me?’
She’s silent for a moment, watching me closely, trying to read me like she always does. She’s desperate for answers. ‘Maybe things will have changed after his accident. Things like this can force people to reassess their lives.’
‘He doesn’t remember anything of the last few months.’
‘Maybe you were just going through a rough patch and he wasn’t thinking things through. There’s no way he’d want to be without Poppy.’ She reaches for a biscuit, inspecting it before she takes a bite.
Her words turn me cold. It always comes back to that. There’s no way Max will be without Poppy. ‘You don’t understand. He’s lost his memory. The last six months. Completely erased.’
She finishes her biscuit and stands up, taking her coffee over to the conservatory door. ‘Well, that leaves you in a horrible predicament. Do you tell him he was leaving you or do you carry on as if nothing’s happened?’
While she doesn’t know the full truth, what she’s saying is right. Those are the only choices I have.
Unless I leave. Like Taylor said. Get as far away as possible from a man who could be a murderer. Who might wantmedead.
Then I think of Alice. How, no matter what she did, she didn’t deserve to have her life snatched from her. By a man she trusted.
‘I’m going to carry on,’ I tell Mum. ‘For Poppy’s sake. And if he regains his memory then we’ll deal with whatever he wants to do. The main thing is he needs me right now.’
She squeezes my shoulder. ‘I’m proud of you,’ she says. ‘And I would be whatever decision you made. It’s important to talk in a marriage,’ she says. ‘Above all else. Communicate.’
I turn to watch Poppy outside. She’s still running around the garden, Peach chasing after her, barking. ‘Actually, Mum. Would you mind having Poppy for the night? She’s got some clothes and a toothbrush here, hasn’t she? There are some things I need to do and I don’t want to have to drag her around with me.’
‘Of course. I’m happy to help.’
Poppy’s delighted with this news, and rushes out to the garden again when I get ready to leave.
‘She hasn’t been sleeping well,’ I warn. ‘She’ll probably wake up in the night. Maybe a few times.’
Mum tuts. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be there for her. I’ve done this before, you know.’
‘And I think she’s bottling it all up about Max. Trying to be brave and then falling apart at night. It’s too much for her.’
Mum rolls her eyes. ‘When your dad and I divorced, we got through it, didn’t we? And you weren’t much older than Poppy.’
