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‘I don’t know. I’d made up my mind to go to the police this morning, and then I couldn’t find the card.’
‘I still have the photo. That would prove he was seeing Alice. And whoever she was in a relationship with is bound to be a suspect. It should be enough.’
‘Okay.’
‘But have you thought this through?’ Taylor asks. ‘All the consequences? You were the one who begged me not to go to the police. What about your daughter?’
‘If Max is innocent, then the police will clear his name. And if he’s guilty then he deserves to go to prison. I’ll make sure Poppy’s okay.’ I think of Sarah – how everything she does is to protect Ivy. And she does it alone.
Taylor paces the shop floor, sighing heavily. ‘I think you should take a bit of time to think about this. Whatever you do has life-changing repercussions.’
He’s right. I’d acted impulsively before when I decided to grab the key card and go to the police. I can’t make rash decisions. I need to think things through carefully.
‘Max can’t do anything when he comes out of hospital,’ Taylor says. ‘Physically, at least. And like you said – he doesn’t remember. Could he be prosecuted when he has no memory?’
‘Then we need irrefutable proof. So that it doesn’t matter what he can or can’t remember. That photo is what we’ve got left.’
Taylor looks unsure. ‘I suppose. This is your call.’ He smiles. ‘Alice was a decent person. She would have respected your wishes. It tore her apart when she found out Max was married. She told me once that she wondered what you were like. She had it in her head that the two of you would get along. You’d chosen the same man, she said. I know it’s an odd thing to think when you’re sleeping with someone else’s husband, but that’s the kind of person Alice was. She wasn’t like anyone else I’ve ever known. It really hurt her to think of what she was doing to you. I thinkthat’s why she was trying to leave him. She can’t have had any idea what he was planning before that.’
Tears swell in my eyes and I swipe them away. I refuse to be a victim. ‘I need a drink. Want something?’ I ask. Cole always keeps some gin in the staffroom cupboard for some reason, even though he’s not a huge drinker.
Taylor shrugs. ‘Go on, then. I need a bit of help drowning out this day. Maybe it will help me sleep.’
‘What happened today?’
‘I’ve been with Alice’s mum again. Seeing her so broken just crushed me. Come on, let’s get that drink and I’ll tell you all about it.’
We sit upstairs in the staffroom, under the glaring halogen lights. I text Sarah to say I might be a little while longer. Her reply is immediate.
Don’t worry. We’re watching a film.Frozenagain! Aggh!
‘Forgive me for saying this, but you don’t look great,’ Taylor says, when I hand him a glass of gin.
Something about this makes all my anger bubble to the surface. ‘What am I supposed to look like when my husband’s had an affair and is possibly a killer? Sorry if I didn’t bother with make-up today. Sorry if I’m just wearing joggers and an old T-shirt. Sorry if?—’
‘No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…I can see what this is doing to you.’
I brush off his concern. ‘What happened with Alice’s mum?’
‘As I said, Molly was broken. Of course she was. Alice was an only child. It’s unthinkable to lose a child in such a heinous way. Her dad died a few years ago, so Molly doesn’t even have him for support. And then not to have any other children who need you, to help you to carry on.’
I think about Poppy, how losing her would be the worst thing that could happen to me. I don’t know how I’d find the strength to exist in a world without her. When she was two, Max and I had talked about having another baby, but neither of us pushed for it. We were happy to be just the three of us. And Poppy had Ivy, who is as good as a sibling to her. I wonder now whether Alice’s mum had chosen to have only one child, or whether that decision had been out of her hands.
‘She couldn’t stop crying to start with,’ Taylor continues. ‘But eventually she managed to speak. It was nice. We talked about all the memories we have of Alice. And I think it helped her to hear my stories. She told me stuff about Alice that I had no idea about. Her childhood. Alice never talked about it much. She used to brush it off and say it wasn’t important. The past and future don’t matter, she’d say. All we have is now.’ Taylor smiles. ‘I told her she must have been a Buddhist monk in a past life.’
Despite the situation we’re in, I smile too. ‘Did you love her?’ I ask. The neat gin I’m drinking emboldens me.
He stares at his hands, flexing his fingers. ‘Yeah. But not in the way you think. She was an attractive woman, I’d be lying if I said otherwise, but I saw deeper than that. Into Alice’s core. And like I said before, once I knew her I just wanted to look after her.’ He sniffs. ‘Don’t get me wrong – Alice wasn’t helpless. She was fierce and determined. She was just struggling with too much.’ He taps his head. ‘In here.’
‘Do you think Max wanted to save her?’
‘I can’t answer that. But maybe you need to look at what was wrong in your marriage to make him even notice Alice.’
‘Nothing was wrong,’ I snap. ‘Except that I didn’t need saving. I’ve always been independent, I’ve never leaned on Max for anything. But he knew that about me from the start. If he wanted a woman to save, to make him feel validated, why did he marry me?’
Taylor’s mouth turns up at the corner. ‘I wish I could tell you. All I know about Max is second-hand info passed on from Alice.’ He takes another sip of gin. ‘She said he’s a very private person. Doesn’t talk about personal stuff much.’
‘It wasn’t like that with Max and me in the beginning. We used to talk about everything.’
