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Sarah looks shattered when she answers the door. I left it as long as I could this morning to bring Ivy home, but Ivy kept asking for her mum. Even my offer of pizza for lunch had no impact.
‘Thanks for bringing her back,’ Sarah says, while Ivy rushes inside. ‘Are they both okay?’
I wish I could say with certainty that they are, but everything leaves a scar, even if we don’t realise it has. ‘I’m so sorry. Poor Ivy. She’s been okay this morning but a bit quieter than usual, and she kept asking for you. I hope she’ll be okay.’
‘It wasn’t your fault. I’m just glad you’re all okay.’ She lowers her voice. ‘Do you think this is anything to do with Max disappearing?’
‘I honestly don’t know what to think.’
‘It’s just so weird that this stuff keeps happening. You must be terrified. Come in and we can talk about it?’
I’ve left Poppy in the car so that the girls wouldn’t run upstairs and start playing. ‘I need to get back. But we’ll talk soon.’
Sarah looks disappointed. ‘Are you sure you’ll be okay? You can all stay here tonight. We’ll squeeze in somehow.’
‘Thanks for offering, but I think we’ll be okay. I’ll call you if not.’
‘What did the police say?’ Sarah asks, just as I’m about to leave.
I briefly turn back to check on Poppy. ‘There wasn’t much they could say. There was no sign of forced entry. None of our keys are missing.’
Sarah studies me. ‘That’s strange. Look, please don’t take this the wrong way, but do you think maybe…Well, you’ve been so stressed lately and then all this stuff with Max’s attack and him disappearing. Do you think there’s a chance you panicked and justthoughtyou saw someone? Our minds can do crazy things under pressure.’
I consider her suggestion. Maybe it’s easier to let people think this is what’s happened. Hannah is losing her mind. It’s better than the truth coming out before I have evidence. ‘I suppose it’s possible,’ I say. ‘I was half asleep. I’m sorry Ivy got scared.’
‘It’s not your fault. And she’ll be fine. Listen, I can hearNumberblockson TV. That means Ivy is definitely doing okay. And so will you.’ She yawns. ‘Are you sure you won’t come in for coffee?’ She glances at the car. ‘Is Poppy okay?’ I know what Sarah’s thinking: Poppy is normally desperate to spend every possible second with Ivy.
‘She’s just tired. None of us slept much after the police left. I grabbed our duvets and we all huddled up in the living room. Anyway, you’re the one who needs to get some more sleep.’
On cue, Sarah yawns again. ‘What are your plans this afternoon?’
Poppy and I are meeting Taylor in Leicester Square, but of course I don’t say this. I gave Poppy the choice of either coming with me or going to Mum’s, and she chose to come with me. The opposite of what I’d expected. ‘Just some shopping with Poppy,’I tell Sarah, checking the car again where Poppy is staring out of the front window. ‘Good luck with Dean tonight.’ I lean forward and hug her.
‘I’ll need it,’ Sarah says, but then she smiles. ‘It’ll be fine. It’syouI’m worried about.’
When I’m with Taylor, there are brief flashes of time when I forget to look over my shoulder. When Max and the driver of the Golf seem like figures from a dream. People who exist in another time.
There’s a crisp chill in the air this afternoon, but the sun shining through the cloudless pale blue sky warms us through our winter clothes.
‘It’s like summer out here,’ Poppy says as we walk through Leicester Square with Taylor. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but she seems to have put the incident last night behind her. She grabs my hand; Poppy’s at that age now where she’s torn between wanting to cling to me, and needing to be free to explore the world on her own terms.
‘It is,’ Taylor agrees. ‘I should have brought my shorts and T-shirt.’
‘No,silly,’ Poppy says. ‘It’s notreallysummer. We haven’t even had Christmas yet.’
Taylor laughs. ‘Are you sure? Okay then, you’re right – silly me!’
Poppy giggles, and once again I marvel at her resilience. She hasn’t seen Max, or even heard his voice, for days now, and has no idea when he’ll be back. Yet still she’s able to laugh with Taylor. To exist in only her innocent world.
‘You should definitely have kids one day,’ I say to him, when Poppy skips ahead of us.
‘You think?’ He shrugs. ‘I don’t know. I’d probably mess them up. I love my niece – she’s like a daughter to me – but actually being someone’sdad. Woah. That’s a lot of responsibility.’ He pauses. ‘Hey, who am I kidding? I definitely see that in my future.’
My smile fades when the reality of our situation hits me. Nothing is normal here. Taylor is still little more than a stranger, and my husband wants me dead. He could also be trying to frame me for Alice’s murder. Not to mention that I’m fast running out of options. ‘I’m going to the police,’ I say. ‘Telling them everything. I can’t do this any more. I’ve buried my head in the sand since the Golf driver disappeared, but I know something is just around the corner. Ifeelit. And having afternoons out like this, living in a bubble, won’t change anything.’
Taylor contemplates what I’ve said. I’m the one who’s been putting off going to the police. But I can’t do that any longer. ‘I know you’re right,’ he says.
‘I can keep you out of it. They don’t have to know we’ve ever met. You’ve already spoken to them, so I don’t want them wondering why you didn’t come forward with any of this before.’
