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But Lucy? She got to see a side of him that none of us got to see, and I was sure that Asher shared the same privilege with her.
A part of me wanted that, but that part was buried deep down, below my forced indifference and the duty I had to my family.
Asher tossed a bottle of water and a clean towel my way.
“Are you on steroids or what?”
I drank half of the bottle in one gulp. “What are you talking about?”
“That had nothing to do with pre-wedding jitters. You actually got the best of me, fair and square.”
“Actually? That’s awfully arrogant of you.” I slapped his stomach with the tip of my towel. “Maybe you’re not as good as you think you are.”
The truth was, aside from the five or so hours of sleep my body needed to function, I was either at L’Oscurità or the gym.
Gio was a bust to hang out with nowadays since he couldn’t catch my hints that I would rather talk about literally anything else but mafia business.
Vince was MIA at random hours of the day, doing God knew what. I was worried, but I wasn’t sure it was my place to confront him about his absence.
And Uncle Frankie was busy being the head of the Romano syndicate. Hell, I couldn’t even remember the last time I had seen him.
Uncle Vince’s birthday, maybe?
He’d be at Asher’s wedding, but I probably wouldn’t catch a peek past his security.
Asher, who was usually my go to, had Lucy, and while I figured they’d eventually come up for air and hang out with the family more, I didn’t want to push them out of their honeymoon phase prematurely.
Niccolaio was, like always, in hiding.
With the five-million-dollar bounty his brother had placed on his head, I had no clue if he was attending Asher’s wedding or even in the state still.
And while I would be down to hang out with him, it just wasn’t worth risking his safety.
Plus, I figured if my family were currently doing everything they could to keep Niccolaio’s presence here a secret, hanging out with me wasn’t exactly low profile.
Everett lived with Elsa in Alabama.
Tessie had a strict schedule—home school, sleep, food, and extracurriculars. When she could actually hang out with me, L’Oscurità usually confined me with work.
Ma, on the other hand, already left for her home in De Luca territory. Truth was, even when she was actually around, Ma wasn’t—and had never been—great company.
Which left me.
Alone.
Being alone wasn’t so bad when I had Asher and Niccolaio for company, but having a big family I loved and still feeling alone was fracturing for the soul.
Not to mention the fact that I had a son I hadn’t seen in years.
Which was why I had caved and had a drink with Ariana De Luca last night.
I didn’t even want to think about last night.
Thinking about how much I’d shared with her made me want to build a thousand-foot-high fortress around myself and live the remainder of my life in an Ariana-free safe zone.
And that, in turn, made me feel like a pathetic loser for being unable to process my emotions.
Nothing about the situation was pleasant.
