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My head bobs up and down when his words echo my thoughts. “We don't know what's going on in his head.”
“So, we'd be taking a chance.” His gaze swings slowly from me to Ryder, who looks as troubled as I feel. “But let's look at it this way. We can't stay at a standstill forever. And every practice she misses, every game she doesn't attend, every week she's not in that office to have sessions with the other players, we are one step closer to all this blowing up. Somebody is going to start asking for the truth, and once they do, everybody else is going to join in. We might love her for real, but they all love her, too, justin a different way. And they're not going to accept her vanishing into thin air for much longer. Wouldn't it be better to at least get on the same page as far as Coach is concerned, if nothing else? So, we all know what story to tell when the time comes?”
This is making my head pound. I have never wanted so much to shut my eyes and ignore everything going on around me. Not the most mature response, and it's nothing I would ever admit to either of them, but there's no shaking it. There is too much room for people to get hurt. Too many opportunities to make the wrong move. What if we end up regretting it? What if we only make things worse for her?
I don't have to ask those questions. I see them written across the faces of my friends. We all understand what's at stake without any of us needing to come out and say the words.
“Here's my bottom line.” Ryder slides his hands into the pockets of his jacket and blows out a sigh. “I don't know how much longer I'll be able to take pretending there's nothing happening. Around here, I mean. I'm gonna lose it.”
“Agreed.” Ash looks grim as he turns to me. “I say we talk to him. Now. She doesn't need to be here. It's better that she isn't.”
I can't pretend he doesn't make sense. “All right,” I agree. Let's do it now before we lose our nerve.”
As we walk together back to the building, Ryder asks, “How the hell did he ever find out?” It has to be a rhetorical question, since there aren't any obvious answers.
It could be we'll get that answer soon enough, though.
13
RYDER
Istill think this is a shit idea, but I can't spend my whole life wasting my breath. They don't understand any better than Harlow does. They've never been in a situation like this before. I can't expect them to relate.
And there is part of me that can't stand the hypocrisy around here. That's how it feels. Like we're all going through the motions and pretending everything's fine, and the team is united and we're all doing great, when really there's a fundamental issue we need to address. Watching my teammates head out of here smiling and congratulating each other and feeling great about our chances still has me feeling sour and irritable.
So yeah, it could be the right thing to talk to him and get everything out in the open. That doesn't mean I have to feel good about it.
Soren steps out in front of us, taking the lead as we head to the coach’s office. My stomach is in knots, making me wonder how much worse Harlow must have felt when she was in thisposition. I don't really have to wonder too hard, though. The memory of how hysterical she got is as clear as ever.
Coach is in there, watching film, taking notes for our session in the morning when we go over what worked tonight and what didn't. He's even smiling to himself when Soren knocks against the doorframe before we enter the room without being invited. That smile falls away once he looks up from his work to find us in front of him.
None of us has to say a word for him to know what this is about. It's almost like a wall goes up in front of him. I can practically see it. “No. I don't want to talk about this. We are not talking about this.”
Yeah, no kidding, we're not talking about it. He's made that abundantly clear.
“We have to,” Soren insists while Ash’s head bobs up and down in agreement. “We've been quiet long enough. It's crazy, pretending nothing ever happened when it obviously did.”
“Harlow can't be the only one suffering the consequences here,” Ash adds. “It's absurd. We're still living our lives and playing out there like nothing changed. It isn't fair to her.”
He settles back in his chair, studying the three of us in turn. I haven't said a word yet, but I lift my chin in solidarity. He's not going to find a weak link to take advantage of. We are a united front.
“Okay.” He shrugs and almost smiles. “What did you have in mind?”
It's like he stuck a pin in a balloon. His sudden question sort of takes the wind out of us in a hurry. “What do you mean?” I ask.
“Well, the three of you come barging in here talking about consequences and how unfair it is for Harlow to be the only one going through it. I agree. So, what do you think? Do you want me to kick you off the team? Would that be a suitable consequence?”
Damn. If I didn't know better, I would think he's been waiting for this. It's like he doesn't miss a beat.
“No, we'd rather stay on the team.” Soren looks our way like he's hoping for backup.
“We want to make one thing clear.” I step up closer to the desk, since neither of them can come up with anything to say. It's always like this. Somebody gets it in their head that they're going to be the big shot, the hero, and somehow I end up fixing things. “She didn't take advantage of us. She wasn't using her position on the team to manipulate us or anything like that. It's important you know that.”
“That's right.” So Ash finally found his voice. Good for him. “We're the ones with the power. We make more than she does. Some of us are older than her. She's brand new to the team, not like us. We are the ones who should have stayed away from her. She wasn't preying on us.”
“It just happened,” Soren concludes.
“Oh? Is that the explanation you're going with? It just happened?”
