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“Iknow what I want to do.” There are only a handful of cars left in the lot, and one of them is the SUV driven by Coach Kozak. I look toward it and for some reason, the sight of it makes me grind my teeth. I can't help it. I'm more than a little frustrated with him.
“I agree.” Ash looks like he's ready to rip somebody's head off. He doesn't sound much better.
“We're not going to kill the guy.” It's habit, making a joke out of things. I don't think about it, I don't plan it. It's a coping mechanism. I always want to break the tension, since that's the only way a real conversation can happen. When everybody's relaxed or at least not quite so uptight.
“We need to talk to him.” Ryder folds his arms, shifting his weight from the balls of his feet to his heels and back again. Like he's so worked up, he can't stand still. “We've got to try.”
“I agree. We need to get all of this out in the open. I don't know about you, but it's driving me nuts, pretending nothing's happening.”
“And it's ridiculous,” Ash adds. “There he is, making these big speeches about rallying together or whatever, and there's this huge secret he's pretending doesn't exist.”
“Like we can just forget she was ever here,” I muse.
“Right. I swear, I had to fight not to call him out before the game.”
I'm glad he didn't. Things might have gone a lot differently if there were that sort of excitement minutes before we took the ice. “No, the team has to be united,” I murmur, shaking my head. “That's the one thing Harlow would want. It's bad enough she lost her job.”
“It would kill her to think she ruined the team's chances. She's struggling enough as it is.”
“That's right. She's struggling.” The thought tightens my chest and makes blood rush in my ears. “She shouldn't be the only one going down for this. We were in on it, too. All the way.”
“Is she really going down, though?”
Ryder’s question leaves both Ash and me staring at him in shock. “Are you serious?” Ash finally asks.
“Think about it. She hasn't been fired, or we would have heard it by now. From her, at least, if not the coach. To hear him tell it, she's on a leave of absence. So there hasn't been a decision yet. She's acting like she lost her job, but she hasn't yet.”
“We can still help her.” If only that were true. For the first time in nearly two weeks, there's a spark of hope in the darkness.
Ryder only frowns. “That's not what I was thinking. I was wondering if we should even bother saying anything.”
“This again?” Ash looks up at the dark sky, shaking his head. “Why am I not surprised?”
“Spare me,” Ryder mutters, rolling his eyes. “Try thinking for a second before you come up with some smart-ass response, okay? Do me that one, small favor.”
“Enough, girls,” I mutter. “Stop bickering. It's not getting us anywhere.”
“Forgive me.” Ash levels what could only be described as a sarcastic look at Ryder. “Please. Explain what you mean.”
Ryder grits his teeth and growls but manages not to blow his top. “I'm thinking we might end up making things worse than they already are. What if he's thinking it through and, you know, getting used to the idea. What if he's ready to forgive and forget? Harlow's the one who assumed she was losing her job over this. Think back,” he urges, almost pleading with us both. “She explained to us what happened. He hates her, all that. Her words. I can't imagine him ever saying anything like that, and we've all heard some pretty messed up shit from him when he was pissed.”
I nod in agreement, and so does Ash.
“But she never said he fired her. She assumed that was what he wanted. Now, listen. I wouldn't want to face him after that. I get it. And I get why she would want to, like, stay away from here. For all she knows, he could see her and blow up in front of everybody. So I get it.”
“Yeah, me, too,” Ash murmurs.
“For all we know, he could call her tomorrow and tell her to come back to work.”
How can I put this gently? “No offense, but I think that's a fantasy.”
“Whatever,” he snaps. “You get my point. Is it better to keep our mouths shut and let him process this? And I'm not talking about keeping our mouths shut to save our asses, either. Really, I'm not. I'm just saying, are we stirring shit up if we pursue this? That's it. I think it's worth considering.”
If we were in the middle of some courtroom drama, this is the time when he would take a seat and let the jury process his statement. I almost want to applaud but know it would come off sarcastic. This isn't the time for that. We need to stick together.
“What do you think?” I turn to Ash, whose face is pinched like he's in pain. I know he's got a lot on his mind. I can see the wheels turning and I'm surprised there isn't smoke coming out of his ears.
“I see your point.” He nods to Ryder. “And you're right. It could be like stirring a bunch of embers back to life. Like a campfire, you know? This is something that could burn out soon if we leave it alone. The problem is, we just don't know.”
