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Sure, they love me, and I love them, but stranger things have happened. Life events such as this one tend to bring out either the best or the worst in people.
No. I cannot do this to myself. And it’s not like I don’t have options if I decide not to keep the baby. This does not have to destroy any of our lives.
I still don’t even know if the test is positive, and already I’m thinking months ahead. That’s who I am. It’s what I do.
The ringing of the alarm on my phone signaling five minutes has passed shakes me to my core. I couldn’t wait for the timer to go off, and now I sort of wish I had another five minutes. But I can’t run away. All I can do is climb the stairs while my heart thuds almost painfully and my head spins thanks to all the possibilities, all the potential drama and pain that might come out of this. Once I see the result, there’s no going back. No pretending I don’t know.
I can handle this. I know I can. Even if that little plastic wand suddenly looks much bigger and more important than it did five minutes ago. I stare at it for a few breathless moments, close my eyes, and force myself to flip it over.
Here goes nothing.
At first, I’m not sure what I’m looking at. I should’ve reviewed the instructions again. I do it now, though deep down inside, I’m already aware of what the test reads.
Two lines. Positive.
I’m pregnant.
And I have no idea who the father is.
I also have no idea how much time passes as I stand at the sink, staring down at those two lines. I suspected. I was right. I’m the same person I was when I woke up this morning, but somehow I feel completely different.
Pregnant. I’m going to have a baby. There’s still so much to figure out, but that one fact is true as of this moment. I ampregnant. It’s still very early and anything can happen, but right now, I’m pregnant.
No matter how many times I think the word or whisper it to myself, it sounds just as foreign.
There’s only one thing I can think to do, one place my mind immediately goes. It’s not to any of the guys, either, though eventually it will be. Eventually, I’m going to have to figure out what to do.
But right now I need a shoulder to lean on. Right now, I pull up Corey’s contact and call her, biting my lip hard to hold back tears.
“Hey,” I manage to croak when she answers. “I know we just saw each other, but do you think you could stop by? I… I sort of need help.”
23
HARLOW
I’m pretty sure I shocked her to death. She is still on her feet, but all the color has drained from Corey’s face, and her eyes are almost glassy as she stares at me without blinking for an increasingly uncomfortable amount of time. I don’t know what she figured she’d find when she got here, but I doubt it was me shoving a positive pregnancy test in her face within moments of her stepping through the door.
Finally, I can’t take the suspense anymore. “Are you alive in there? Did I kill you?”
Her eyelids flutter and her lips move, but she doesn’t make a sound. Not at first. And when she does, a moan that sounds like it comes from her toes fills the room. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“Do you know how much I wish I were? This isn’t an April Fool’s joke.”
“Okay, okay. Hang on a second.” She covers the top of her head with her hands and puffs out her cheeks as she releases a deep breath. “Let me get this straight. You just found out about it?”
“I felt sort of pukey after our lesson, and I finally realized when I was looking at my app that I was a week late.”
“And you didn’t say anything to me before you left?”
“I was sort of hoping this was all a big worry over nothing. I didn’t want to pull you into it until I knew for sure.”
“Oh, sweetie.” She takes me by the shoulders and her touch is gentle, comforting. “How do you feel about this? I think that’s the most important question right now. Are you happy?”
“Happy?” I blurt out a disbelieving laugh. “I can’t imagine being happy about this.”
But that’s not completely true. I can imagine a world in which this would be a joyful discovery, but I’m not living there right now. “I can’t imagine being happy about this with the way things stand right now,” I amend. “What am I going to do?”
“What you are going to do right now is sit down, breathe, and remind yourself you don’t have to make any big decisions right this very minute. You have time. You said you were a week late? So it’s still really early.”
