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She isn’t telling me anything I haven’t already told myself, but it is nice to hear it coming from somebody else. It doesn’t feel like I’m trying to fool myself into believing things aren’t as bleak as they seem right now.
At her insistence, I take a seat in the living room, and she brings the tissue box over before sitting next to me. “What do you need? What can I do?”
“Just being here means everything. I think I’d go insane sitting here alone.”
“Can I make you something? Some tea, maybe?”
Right. I did brew a cup, didn’t I? She’s nice enough to grab it for me, and while it’s not scalding hot anymore, it’s not cold either. I sip it slowly, forcing myself to take deep breaths rather than panicking.
“I guess asking about the father would be pointless.”
“I have no idea. It could be any of them.”
“Are you going to tell them, do you think?”
The cup shakes. “One problem at a time.”
She winces and pats my arm. “Sorry. It’s a bad habit. Always thinking ahead.”
“We really do have a lot in common, you know.” I wish I felt the gentle laugh that somehow rumbles in my chest, but it’s sort of flat.
“It’s going to be okay. You’re a smart, capable person. Whatever you decide to do, I know it will be the right thing for you.”
“The way deciding to sleep with three men at the same time was the right thing for me to do?” The nausea is starting again. I don’t think there’s enough ginger in the world to make it go away completely.
“Hey. It feels right for you. It doesn’t have to be right for everybody. If they make you happy, and you can’t see living your life without them, then it’s right. You know?”
Her kindness brings tears to my eyes. I brush them away before asking, “Is this the same girl whose brain almost melted when I told her I was with the three of them?”
“Hey. You can’t blame a person for being surprised and maybe needing a little time to get over something. It’s still unusual. But I would never judge you for it.”
But I know people who would. Quite a few people.
Including…
“Oh, no.” I slam the mug on the coffee table and stumble away from the couch, racing blindly for the powder room next to my office. I barely make it in time before the entire contents of my stomach come rushing out. By the time I’m finished, I’m breathless and weak and more miserable than I have felt in a long time. I flush the toilet and lower the lid before resting the side of my face against it.
“Are you okay?” Corey’s hanging around near the doorway, and it’s clear she feels awkward and unsure of what to do. She wants to help. I know she does. I wish I could tell her how she can manage it.
“Oh, I’m fine.” She doesn’t deserve my sarcasm, but I can’t hold it back any more than I could hold back what I just threw up. “Just yesterday, I promised the team’s head coach there would be no relationship between me and the guys until the season is over. I went from being afraid I lost my job and my license to being back on top of the world.”
I lift my head to look at her through the strands of hair hanging around my face. “And now, I’m going to be walking around with the evidence of our relationship growing in my belly for everybody to see, and there’s no guarantee I’ll be able to work through my pregnancy or afterward. I’m doing just great.”
Before I can apologize for being a sarcastic bitch, my stomach clenches again, and I barely lift the lid in time to avoid amassive mess. Corey holds my hair back while I heave until my shoulders ache and my ribs feel like they might be broken. I’ve never thrown up so hard in my life. I’ve never felt so miserable afterward.
When it’s over, she hands me a wet washcloth to wipe my sweaty face. It feels good. I can almost believe I’m human by the time she speaks. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” I accept the tea, as well, which she fetched from the living room. At least it gets the taste of puke out of my mouth for a little bit. I don’t have the strength right now to go upstairs and brush my teeth. I’m feeling a little too weak and woozy.
“If this were an ideal world, what would your life look like? No obstacles, no judgment from anybody, just Harlow’s ideal existence. What do you see?”
The image that immediately comes to mind, just as fresh and clear as if I were looking at a movie, makes my heart skip a beat. I don’t need to think about it. I know what I want more than anything – and I know how impossible it is. I may as well wish for a billion dollars.
“Promise you won’t laugh?” I ask squinting up at her from the floor.
“Come on. Like I would laugh at you.”
“If I had my way… I would want to live with the three of them. One house, where all of us could live together.” I can’t help but smile as the picture becomes even sharper and more defined. “I would want to raise this baby together, all of us. We could argue about who is spoiling the baby the worst. We could make schedules for who will get up at what time for feedings anddiaper changes. Later on, they could teach him or her how to skate and how to play hockey.”
