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Something tells me this time, it's for real. I am going to have this baby today.
40
HARLOW
Silly me, thinking it would be that easy and that quick. Like every part of labor would go as smoothly as having my water break in the middle of the farmer's market. Something I didn't even feel happening, that surprised me as much as it surprised Corey.
I didn't know there was so much farther to go. Thirty-six hours, in fact.
“You've got this.” Ryder rubs my back on one side of the bed while Ash and Soren stand by my knees, one on each side. “You can do it.”
“I'm glad you think so.” At least the epidural finally kicked in. It took two tries, but I'm officially feeling much better than I did before. Unfortunately, a simple shot doesn't do anything to take away my fatigue.
“Try to rest when you can,”the doctor told me. If I never have to hear that again, it will be too soon, because naturally that became the mantra since yesterday.Rest when you can, the doctor said so.It's a miracle I haven't bitten off my tongue,since I’ve wanted more than anything to ask them if they've ever been through labor and if they have the first clue how impossible it is to rest between contractions sometimes. It felt like just as I was starting to catch my breath, the next one would come along.
“You didn't think you could learn to skate, either,” Corey reminds me, standing behind Ryder. “And look at how far you’ve come.”
Once again. Not the same thing. But I appreciate them trying to help.
“How are you feeling, Mama?” Doctor Graves joins us again now that there's been time for the medication to kick in.
“Like it worked this time.”
“I bet you're glad for that, right?” She offers a sympathetic pat against my leg that I sort of feel but not really. It's weird. “All right, now. We're in the homestretch.”
“You hear that?” Ryder places a kiss against my temple. I kind of wish he wouldn't since I'm a little sweaty, but he doesn't seem to mind. “You're almost through it.”
“I don't think I can make it.”
“You can.” Soren reaches out to stroke my cheek. “I know you can.”
“One breath at a time. We're right here with you.” Ash tries to smile, but I see his strain.
“Are you alright?” I ask him.
Everyone laughs softly. “You would ask me that at a time like this,” he replies.
“I just want to be sure you're okay. Is there a problem? Should I be worried?”
“No, no.” He rubs my leg—again, I see him doing it, but I can't really feel it. Bonkers. “I just hate seeing you like this. I want it to be over for your sake.”
“Not to worry, because it should be over soon,” the doctor announces. “Now, Harlow, I'm going to want you to push on your next contraction.” She looks at the monitor, then back at me. “It's coming up. You feel it?”
Do I feel it? Strangely enough, yes. I don't feel much, and it's definitely not as intense as before, but I feel the pressure building.
“Ryder, I'm going to want you to get behind her and give her support, because we're going to push.” Ryder wedges himself between me and the back of the bed, and it does make it easier to bear down with him at my back.
“Okay, here we go. Take a deep breath... and push!”
“You've got this. You can do it!” Soren insists.
“Push, baby,” Ryder murmurs close to my ear. “Push.”
“Oh, my God.” Ash lets out something that could be a laugh or could be a cry. “Is that the head? Oh, my God!”
“Now stop!” The doctor looks up at me from over the sheet draped across my thighs. “Beautiful job. And yes, we are at the crowning stage. Another solid push, and your baby will be here.”
The baby will be here. I want that, I want it more than anything, but I'm still so scared. What if I screw it all up? What if even though I try my hardest, it's not good enough? What if, what if,the questions ring out in the back of my mind as the pressure increases all at once, with no warning.
