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“Alright, this is it.” The doctor's head disappears and the pressure ramps up. “Now, Harlow. Deep breath... and push!”
Ryder presses me forward and I bear down with all my might, screaming from the effort. I can't keep doing this, it's too much, I can't take it?—
“Oh! That's it!” Soren’s joyful whoop fills the room before I fall back, exhausted and laughing and crying.
But the best is yet to come. When a baby's cry fills the air.
That sound. It unlocks my heart and all at once, the most euphoric rush of joy fills me. Joy and love and wonder that only grows when the doctor lifts the baby up so I can see. “You have a daughter,” she announces, and the room erupts in laughter and joy and more love than I thought was humanly possible. I hold out my arms and accept the wriggling little bundle the doctor covers with a blanket once she's placed my daughter on my chest.
My daughter. My little girl. “Hello,” I whisper while tears course down my cheeks and drip from my chin. My guys surround me and Corey takes pictures I wouldn't want her to take at any other time, looking like I do, but what matters more now is capturing this moment forever. Not that I would ever forget it, but I want it to look back on. The moment we all became parents, the four of us.
“Do you have a name yet?” one of the nurses asks once they take the baby to wash and measure her.
“We haven't been able to decide,” I remind the guys, looking around. “Everybody has something they want.”
“What about what the mama wants?” Corey points out before leaning over to give me a hug. “You are a rock star,” she whispers in my ear, and when she pulls away her cheeks are wet with tears. “Congratulations.”
“I've kind of been leaning towards Eva. My grandmother's name,” I explain. “She was always so good to me. I loved her so much and I wish she could be here.”
The guys have a silent conversation between the three of them before they nod. “Eva sounds pretty good to me,” Ash decides, lifting my hand to his lips and pressing a kiss against my knuckles before closing his eyes and letting out a deep, shaky breath.
“I don't know about anybody else, but I need a nap,” Soren announces, which gets the nurses laughing.
“Gee, and here I was, thinking about running a marathon,” I retort, which gets everyone laughing again. This is perfect. This is exactly how I imagined it. Granted, in my daydreams, Corey wasn't here—but her presence only made things better, since I've learned men aren't exactly the best at times like this. No matter how much they wanted to help, they were too anxious, too worried about me.
“Any family waiting outside?” one of the nurses asks before placing my freshly washed baby in my arms.
I blurt out a laugh before shaking my head. “My parents are overseas right now, in Africa. And there I was, telling them not to worry about being here and how there would be plenty of time.” If I were feeling especially honest, I would add the partwhere I'm sort of glad they missed this. Sure, it would have been nice to have them here, but things are still too complicated and touchy. The less drama they spread on one of the most important days of my entire life, the better. Knowing my father, he'd be running around, demanding a paternity test from all three of them.
No, this is better. Surrounded by love, at peace with my life and how things have turned out. There's no need to apologize to anyone or try to make anybody understand. That's on them if they want to understand or not. I can't force it.
And I have much better things to do with my time, anyway. Such as counting the fingers and toes of this perfect little person in my arms and inhaling her sweet baby scent before handing her to one of her adoring fathers.
“How about it?” I ask in a whisper, offering the baby to Ryder. He looks like I just tried to hand him a ticking bomb but holds out his arms anyway, and soon I have the heart stopping pleasure of watching him step into his new role as he cradles Eva so tenderly, it could almost break my heart. Ash repeats the process, then Soren, and the love radiating from them makes everything worth it. Even the stress and drama from my parents fades to nothing in the face of so much love.
“That is one lucky little girl,” the doctor murmurs.
She's right, of course. Right now, though? I'm the lucky one.
41
HARLOW
What a difference three months can make.
“Are you sure it's alright to still have her out here?” Ryder is the quietly fretful one, always checking to make sure Eva is okay, even sometimes waking her up because he has to check her while she's asleep. We've talked about his anxiety and he's trying to work through it. I know it comes from a good place, but sometimes he needs to let the baby sleep for heaven's sake.
“She's fine,” Ash calls out from his spot at the grill. “We'll bring her in before we eat.”
“We already slathered her in sunscreen and she's under an umbrella,” Soren concludes as he brings me a glass of Chardonnay from inside. With all four of us taking baby duties, it made sense to formula feed, so I happily accept the drink.
“I'll take her in a few minutes,” I tell him in a soft voice. “I just wanted to have her out here with us for a little bit.”
“Just wouldn't want her to get burned.” He strokes her tiny fingers and she coos in her sleep. The way he smiles lights up my heart.
They all light up my heart. I had no doubt they would step up and be by my side through everything, but actually living it is beyond my wildest dreams. And all things considered, giving birth so soon after the season ended was a bit of divine timing, since it means there's no traveling for away games. Everybody's here, and we all take a shift at night so we can get the most sleep possible.
Now, Ash is grilling chicken and vegetables for dinner since it's his turn to cook. All I can do is sit back and wonder how I got this lucky. “You know,” I muse, “there are times I feel sort of guilty.”
