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His eyes harden along with the set of his jaw. “My Boston is about to come out on you, if you're not careful.”
“Guys.” She sounds so tired. Sad. Instantly, I'm ashamed of myself for starting shit in front of her. We’ve already ruined her life. We don’t need to make things worse.
“You know, really, we're the only ones who'd have to know the truth. And we would never judge you for doing what you have to do to get through this. Whatever that is.”
I can't hide my surprise when I turn to Ash, who chose now to finally put his two cents in. “Seriously?”
“What? She has options. It's important to keep that in mind. Just think about it, that's all I'm saying.”
“I have thought about it. I already told you that.”
Ryder’s eyes light up. Now he has an ally. “See? What I'm saying isn't crazy.”
“Nobody said it was crazy. Only that it's not what she wants to do.”
“Why don't you let her decide what she wants to do?
“She’s already decided,” I remind him, fighting to keep my voice low. This isn’t the place where we should discuss things, but it’s where we happen to be. “All you want is to change her mind.”
“That's not what's happening. For fuck’s sake.” Ryder springs up from the sofa and goes to the window, staring out with his hands in his back pockets. His shoulders rise and fall in a quick, sharp rhythm. Yes, it's better for him to cool off. The last thing we need is Coach coming in here not to throw Harlow out, but to break up a fight. That wouldn't exactly do her any favors. Ican already imagine what he must think of her. She doesn't need him blaming her for more fights between the players.
Ash slides a little closer to her and puts an arm around her shoulders. “All anybody wants is for you to come out of this with your job and your life in one piece. If we can help you do that, we'll do it.”
“That's all I want,” Ryder agrees, still staring out the window.
“I know. And I love you guys for that, I really do. But this is about more than just my job and my license. I see that now. I need to be able to look myself in the eye every day. What's the point of keeping my job if I can't respect myself?” She shakes her head, looking miserable. “Not only that, but he'll know I'm lying. I'll have to face him every day knowing he knows. How could I ever work with somebody while that's hanging over my head?”
She runs her hands through her hair, smoothing it down until she looks more like herself. “It's been hard enough this whole time when he didn't know. I already had to wrestle with my conscience when I knew I was lying to him every day. I literally can't imagine it getting worse than that.”
“Okay.” Ryder heaves a sigh before turning around, and my heart sinks when I see the look in his eyes. He is not letting this go. The man is damned determined to have his way. “So he knows about us. And you already apologized, so he knows it's true. What if...”
“Just let it go, man,” I warn in a soft voice. Doesn't he see what this is doing to her? He's only making it worse.
“Hear me out before you shut me down, would you? I think this might work. It's just... I don't know how you guys are gonna feel about it. But it might be the last shot.”
“Let's hear it, then.” Ash sighs, sounding about as hopeful as I feel.
“You could always say you were drunk and weren't in control of yourself.”
Now I understand why he thought we wouldn't be a fan of the idea. “You're fucking kidding.”
“Why don't you think about it for a minute before you treat me like some piece of shit off the street?”
“That sort of makes us look like assholes, doesn't it?” I point out.
“Assholes? It makes us look a hell of a lot worse than that.” Ash snickers and shakes his head. “No offense, but that's insane.”
“I understand you only want what's best for me.” Her voice is soft, a little shaky, yet she manages a weak smile when she looks at Ryder. “But I can't do that, either. Because it's true. That makes you guys look pretty bad. Like you would all have sex with me while I was under the influence. We'd only open up a whole other kettle of fish. I don't want that. I'm not going to sacrifice you to save myself. And I'm not going to pretend like the coach is making things up. I've spent a lot of time lying since I got here. From the first day. It's time to stop. I need to accept the consequences of what I've done. I always knew this could happen. It didn't stop me. I have to face what happens next.”
Ryder’s shoulders slump like he finally sees how pointless it is to fight. “You mean that? Really? You're going to give up?”
“It's not giving up. It's being an adult. It's paying my dues.”
“Even if we could make it easier for you?”
“I don't need you to. I love that you want to, but it's not necessary.” Her eyes move around the room, landing on the three of us one at a time. “Besides, you have your careers to think about, too. You have lives of your own. I'm not going to get in the way of your futures when you've worked so hard. You don't need any more tension or drama. And if you face any, I don't want to be the reason for it. Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense?”
Now that there's really nothing more to say, an unhappy silence fills the room. So this is it. I can't imagine coming here every day without being able to look forward to seeing her. I can hardly remember a time when she wasn't part of my life. How did she manage to burrow so deep into my heart without me knowing about it?
