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“They think it was a heart attack but can’t be sure without an autopsy.”
Mason pushes me away and stands. “What the fuck are we supposed to do now?”
I shrug from my place on the floor. “I don’t know. We have to plan a funeral and figure out what we’re going to do with the shop and this place. We need to find out who his lawyer is and see what all we have to deal with.”
“That’s not what I mean, Dane. I’m supposed to be leaving. You can’t do all this by yourself.” He stands and starts pacing.
I lean against the wall, bringing my knees up and placing my elbows on them. “Go off and do what you need to do, Mase. I’ll handle this.” I mean what I say, but it comes out sounding off. It sounds like I’m just telling him to leave, to go off and be selfish, but I’m not. Mason has worked his entire life for this. He needs to go, the same way I needed to go on that tour.
Looking around the office, I realize it’s time to grow up. I’m officially alone now.
* * *
I pullmy black suit jacket on and look at myself in the mirror. My dark eyes are bloodshot and look hollow. For a long time, I did good and didn’t drink as much, but with Dad’s passing, everything is piling up on me, and the first thing I reach for is the bottle. I woke up only an hour ago, and I’m still partially drunk from last night. But I have to go.
I drive over to the cemetery and look out over the grounds. It’s a cloudy day with the threat of rain. Mason and a few other men stand by my dad’s final resting spot. My heart clenches in my chest. I don’t know if I can handle this.
During the planning, I buried the pain deep inside of me, choosing to focus on what needed to be done. But now all the plans are done, so there’s nothing to focus on but the pain.
I step out of the car just as the clouds open, allowing a slow, steady rain to fall from the sky. I don’t have an umbrella, but that’s okay because at least this way my tears can’t be seen. I need to be strong for Mason. I need to let him know it’s okay for him to go. He needs to go. I can handle everything here.
When I come to a stop at Mason’s side, I place my hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him in some way. I nod at Dan as a silent thank you for coming. Then I study the faces of the other men, but I have no idea who they are.
We’re having a private funeral. No ceremony, only a burial with his closest friends and family. Everyone in town loves…loved Dad. I don’t have the strength to deal with the whole town showing up and listening to them tell me how sorry they are.
The only way people know about the time, is by word of mouth. My dad would’ve liked it that way. He never liked people making a fuss over him. He wouldn’t want everyone in town dropping their lives to mourn the loss of his.
The preacher says a prayer, and one by one, everyone leaves but me and Mason. I look over at my little brother. His jaw flexes while anger burns hot in his eyes.
He’s pissed. I wrap my arm around his shoulders. “We’ll be alright, Mase.”
He shrugs it off and turns to leave.
I let him go. He needs his space right now, but I vow to check on him later.
Kneeling, I grab a handful of dirt while the men work on lowering him into the ground. “I’ll make you proud, Dad. I promise.” I sprinkle the dirt over his shiny wooden casket and stand before walking back to my car.
I head straight home. I’m not in the mood to see anyone. I’ve managed to cover all the shifts at the grill for the next week, so I could have the time to get things together for the funeral.
Sitting back, I drink straight from the bottle of Jack. Time passes, and before I know it, it’s dark, but I haven’t moved to turn on any lights. My phone rings, and I pull it from my pocket.
“Dude, I heard about your dad. I’m so sorry,” Quinton says.
“Thanks.”
“I know you’re probably not feeling up to it, but we have a party just getting started over here if you want to get your mind off it all for a while.”
I think it over. Hanging around here isn’t doing me any good. Instead of feeling the loss of Alissa, I feel the loss of my dad, and it’s heavier than anything I could’ve imagined. “Yeah, alright. I’ll be there soon.” I hang up the phone and place the bottle on the coffee table in front of me. Snatching up my keys, I head toward my car.
I should be going to the party, but for some reason, I find myself driving toward my dad’s house, or I guess, Mason’s house.
Maybe I can get him to go to the party with me. I’m sure he needs to blow off steam as much as I do.
I pull up to the house and walk through until I find him sitting on the balcony. “There you are. Get up, let’s go.” I stumble around on the narrow wooden balcony.
“Go where, Dane?” he asks, watching me.
“To a party.”
