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The room is paid for a couple of weeks.
I used cash.
Nobody will find me. This motel is outside city limits.
My eyes flutter shut.
I don't want to wake up anymore. I don't want to fight for anything anymore. Let me sleep.
*****
Sometimes, the soul is so badly scarred that the body needs to rest.
I lose track of time. There is a dullness setting within me, and I can feel my wolf fading. I realize what it means. Our animals are resilient, but sometimes a trauma can even be too much for them. The sign of one's animal fading away is never a good one. I should be contacting a healer right now, trying to revitalize my wolf, but the whole world seems dull and lifeless to me. Nothing is appealing to me, not food, not water. I can’t muster up the emotion to care about anything.
I spend the majority of my time sleeping. I'm not hungry, and aside from sips of water from the bathroom, I just lay in bed, my eyes closed. There comes a point when I don't even crave water.
Was I always this weak-willed?
I must be.
My pride is in dust, the excitement and hope I used to have has been ground into the dirt, the trust that I had built, everything that I had survived to reach this point, all my efforts, they were in vain. I didn't achieve anything by myself.
Riya must be missing me.
My daughter is a fleeting thought, and tears shed from my eyes as I lay in the bed, too weak to move.
She must be sad and confused. But her father is there now, and Adam will fill that hole in her heart. There's nothing I can do for her anymore. I never deserved to be a mother. My fading wolf stirs at the thought of Riya. It rumbles in broken sounds, but that's all it does.
I once again let myself fade into oblivion, hoping this is the last time.
****
It's the sound of something heavy being hit that makes my eyes flutter open.
Hot breath on my face.
I look into the eyes of a man with a scar on his eyes.
I know who it is. He’s the same shifter who attacked me in the parking lot.
Did he come to finish the job?
I close my eyes, the will to live having seeped away a long time ago. I can hear the sound of tearing flesh, my blood thick in the air. And there is relief within me. Let me go now. I'm tired of it all. Let this be my fate.
But the heavens have decreed something else for me because the heavy weight of my attacker is suddenly gone, followed by an enraged roar. I can hear someone fighting, something breaking, but I hope it's done. My body feels colder now, and I welcome it. I sink back into the darkness, feeling grateful for it all to finally end.
However, I feel myself moving.
Someone is carrying me.
Aren't I dead?
"…do something."
"I'm sorry."
I hear voices, but they mean nothing to me. I cling to the darkness of the abyss, wanting to stay here, away from everything painful. I fought. I fought so hard for my freedom, to have some control of my own life, to be loved. I was meant to only taste the happiness and have it yanked away.
