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"What if…" I feel reluctant.
"If you want, I can arrange for security on your day trip with Riya," Adam offers.
I let out a sigh. "That would be good. I'm not up to full strength right now."
It's weird talking to him so casually when so much has happened. But I can either fight and be bitter, or I can try to move on and face the future. I can't change the fact that I am Adam's mate and Riya is his daughter. I also don't want Riya to have to live without her father. Adam offered to leave us alone and just visit her on occasion, but that wasn't fair to him or her. My own heart is shredded inside me. I have lived without my mate for four years, and I can live without him in the future aswell. But Riya deserves a doting father and all the opportunities he can provide for her that I can't. She has been raised on his dime as it is.
That thought makes me bitter.
All the hard work I put into my job to make money so that I could give Riya the kind of life I never got seems pointless now. It was Adam's money, to begin with. That's what bothers me. Out of everything, that is what eats at me the most. And that's something I need to get over.
When I make my way to the kitchen, I find it fully stocked.
My head is aching when I demand, "Did you do this?"
When he looks nervous, I feel worse. "I was just asking, Adam. Not everything is a personal attack on you."
He sighs, and I close the refrigerator door, looking at him, "I don't want any of this leaking into your relationship with Riya. My feelings are my problem. not yours. I'll suck it up and get over them."
"I don't want you to have to suck anything up." Adam meets my gaze. "You have a right to be upset, Cynthia. I'd prefer you get angry with me and say whatever you want to––"
"If I say everything bottled up within me," I laugh, humorlessly, "then it will make this situation worse. I said everything I had to say the other night. I'll just be repeating everything in a more vicious manner. I want you to suffer like I did. I want you to experience one-third of the shame and humiliation I felt."
His jaw tightens, and I can tell he's upset, and my lips curve sadly. "But I don't want to be bitter and nasty. There's no point."
Adam covers the distance between us, his voice serious. "There is. I can take everything you throw at me, Cynthia. I promise you. I deserve it. I just don't want to lose you."
"I'm not going to keep you from your daughter," I begin, and he shakes his head.
"This isn't about Riya. I don't want to be without my mate. But I'm willing to wait for however long you want. If you want to punish me, I'll bear it all. If you want me to suffer, I'll suffer. I just can't live without you anymore."
I've never seen tears in Adam's eyes, and it breaks me.
I don't want him to hurt. I don't want him to suffer. I know why he did what he did. I'm not an idiot. He had to make hard choices and make sacrifices, and I understand it all. Riya and I were able to live a carefree life because of his sacrifices. It's just this hurt inside me that won't settle.
I don't know what to say to him. I need time to come to terms with everything, time to begin healing my wounded pride, time to fix the broken mess my wolf has become as a result of my pack betraying me.
Fortunately, I don't have to say anything because Riya returns at that moment. "Mommy, what's for lunch?"
I slip away from Adam to coddle my daughter, and my heart feels sturdier with her scent around me.
I can do this.
For Riya, I can do anything.
*****
Being around my daughter makes my wolf more active. And so, when Riya's fourth birthday comes around, I dress her in a jacket, a woolen hat covering her ears, and mittens on her hands.
"You can't run around without me," I tell her as we walk to the ticket station at the entrance of the amusement park.
"Okay." She holds onto my hand, her whole body vibrating with excitement.
In the morning, especially on a weekday, there aren't many people around. That makes it easier to keep an eye on Riya and the surroundings. However, as I look around, I can't seem to find any of Adam's men. He did promise me that he would station a few people in the park to keep an eye on any potentially dangerous situation. I don't know why I was imagining men in suits following us around like an armed guard.
Relaxing, I let Riya take a few rides, and I sit on the bench as she laughs, clinging on to the pretty horse on the carousel. It's pretty cold outside, and I wish I had grabbed my gloves. Rubbing my hands together, I watch her. Aside from her, there are two other children on the ride.
Suddenly, a cup of coffee is held out to me, and I blink. Looking up, I see a large bear mascot before me.
