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Reaching out, I lift my hand to the young man’s face. His cheek is cold, of course, but he’s so perfectly made my mind imagines heat where there is none. I slide my fingers down his cheek and neck, then over his shoulder. “What happened?”
“I will tell you the story. That’s why I brought you here. So you could see how important it is that I keep you safe from me. But I can’t linger here. Come into the sunlight with me?”
After a final look at Bellus, I turn and take Erserro’s hand. He surprises me by wrapping his arms around me and crushing me to his chest. He presses his lips to my hair for an instant, breathing deep before releasing me. “Promise me that you’ll take me seriously, flower. I can’t do to you what I did to him. It would end me.”
I want to ask more about his revelation. Why does he care so much about the woman he’s hired to keep him company for a few months? But I know the cold is getting to him. His skin lacks any of the warmth it had when we entered the cellar. So I let him lead me out and into the sunlight, blinking into the brightness as the cellar door closes and puts a barrier between us and Erserro’s guilt. It’s hard not to see it that way. Why else would he keep the statue when it seems he can barely even look at it?
I should feel chilled. Not because of the temperature down there. It was cool, but not freezing.
Because he’s trying to make a point about how dangerous he is. About what could happen to me if I forget for a moment.
Instead I feel more than ever that powerful desire to see beneath the glasses, to the guy underneath who’s still hurting so badly after all the years. How can I when he won’t let me in? When it would kill me to do it?
THIRTEEN
Erserro
The sunlight fails to warm me as we leave the cellar. My only source of warmth seems to be Tamsin’s hand in mine as we make our way up the path and across the lawn to my favorite stone bench. The sun has warmed the stone, so by the time I’m sitting with my tail curled around Tamsin’s legs I feel a little less numb.
When I try to release her hand, she gives mine a squeeze and doesn’t let go. I’m more grateful than I know how to express.
We sit that way with our coupled hands tucked into her lap while I muster the right words.
“I was younger then. I hadn’t learned to care for other lifeforms. I just went through the world destroying anything I pleased and not caring who I hurt.”
She doesn’t say anything. I don’t look for the distaste on her face. At least, I assume that’s what will be in her expression if I look. Not fear. It should be fear, but I can’t scent it on her.
I should be more concerned. She should be scared of me. Even after seeing what I’ve just shown her, she isn’t.
“I was scornful of other creatures who didn’t have my power. I didn’t understand that it’s also a curse.
“I first saw Bellus bathing in the river outside his home town. He had been hunting with a group of young men and they were laughing and playing together in the water. That drew my attention and he held it. You saw for yourself how beautiful he was. I hid and watched him until they finished and returned home. And when he did, I followed.”
“Did you speak to him?” Tamsin’s voice is soft.
Dark creeps over the horizon. Beneath the hood I’ve pulled on, I catch glimpses of the town beyond. The young men splash and wrestle with each other. One handsome youth stands out to me more than the rest. His curly hair falls into his eyes and he tosses his head, flicking water in an arc as he dislodges the hair, focused on another young man who hasn’t spotted him creeping up. The handsome youth dives, gripping his prey by the waist, twisting and pulling them both beneath the surface. A flash of dimpled, perky ass and gleaming olive skin.
They emerge laughing moments later and I can’t take my eyes from him. His beautiful smile. His broad shoulders.
I clear my throat. “Not then. Not right away. I followed him home. Waited outside his window until no one was around.”
He looked so innocent sleeping. His eyes closed. I couldn’t stop myself watching him. I should have been more careful. I knew there was a risk he’d wake and see me.
Hazel green eyes open. His soft mouth parts and just as I’m imagining kissing it, he hardens into stone.
I shake my head. There’s more that comes first. Instead of freezing the memory, time has eroded it. Scrambled it. “It was the first time I truly cared about whether or not I killed another living creature.”
I sigh, rubbing my free hand over my face. I hate the way it sounds. The way I was. But I’ve begun. I need to see it through. “He wasn’t asleep. I only thought he was.”
Unexpectedly, I smile to myself as I remember my shock when Bellus spoke to me.
“If you’re planning to kill me in my sleep, you’ll have to come back later.” He lays there lazily. He doesn’t even open his eyes. I’m so startled I fall over and the hood falls back from my face.
“What happened?” Tamsin’s question draws me back to the moment with her. I focus on her warm hand in mine.
“I hid before he could see me. He knew I was there, though. There wasn’t any point denying it. So I spoke to him. Told him not to look for me. I couldn’t explain why.”
I shake my head. I thought it would be sadder to recount the story. Instead I find myself smiling, remembering the long conversations until late in the night. The longing I felt to touch him. But of course, that was my problem. And his downfall.
