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He spoke to me and treated me like I was special. He encouraged me to be open and honest with him.
I guess I hoped he was showing me that side of himself as well. It seems like at the last minute he pulled back, and that stings.
I tuck up my feet under me on the sofa and stare at my phone until the screen goes dark. I should check the Monstrous Deals app and see if I have any booking requests. I should make myself dinner and run the dishwasher and do all the things that people do.
I don’t, though.
I just sit like a statue on the sofa. I sit and stare at a thin patch in the carpet where Missy sometimes scratches, my gaze tracing the uneven shape of it over and over while I try to work out how I’m feeling.
Angry. Rejected. Hurt. All things I shouldn’t be feeling in this scenario. Most of all, like I’ve lost something important. Something exciting. Something I hadn’t even fully unwrapped yet. Now, I guess I never will.
Then my fingers find my phone and before I know it I’m flicking open my shopping app, clicking and scrolling and clicking some more until my cart is full of more things that I can probably afford.
Who am I kidding? I can’t afford anything I don’t need right now. Every dollar I’ve made from the job with Erserro should be going to pay off my debt, but I can’t seem to help it. The thought of pretty new things fills a little of the hole that’s gotten a little wider today. When I hit buy and the charge goes to my card, my heart stops racing for a few blissful moments. Then I look again at the amount I’ve just spent and I want to cry.
Eventually it gets dark and I give up on dinner. I eat ice-cream straight out of the container, standing next to the open freezer until my teeth ache from the cold, then I put the tub back and trudge into my bedroom. Missy doesn’t even bite me when I pick her up to move her to the end of the bed so I can lie down. I think she senses I’m not myself. Instead, she just licks my hand and gives me a sorrowful little meow.
It’s too early. Plus, I’ve been sleeping on and off for most of the last forty-eight hours, or it feels like I have. I can’t fall asleep, so I end up lying in bed staring at the ceiling, picturing Erserro’s face and trying to imagine the color of his eyes. Guess I’ll never know.
My phone buzzes and I reach listlessly for the nightstand, grunting in frustration when I end up knocking it to the floor and have to roll over to fetch it. I lift it to find a message from Sofia at Monstrous Deals.
Sofia: Hi, lovely. I know you said you weren’t taking any other bookings this month, but Chaldro has been asking. He asked me to let you know that he’s prepared to double the usual fee if you’ll see him this weekend
I sigh. Locking the screen, I set my phone down without answering. I’ll sleep on it and decide in the morning. Then the amount I just charged to my credit card keeps me restless and unable to settle. When sleep still won’t come hours later, I end up replying anyway.
Tamsin: turns out I’m free after all. Would you let him know he can send the booking request through? Thanks
Why not, right? If I’m going to be miserable anyway, may as well get paid for it.
I think wistfully of all the beautiful things Erserro bought me that I’ll probably never see again either. It’s funny how I hadn’t even thought of that until now. Funny how they slip from my mind when I remember the way his hand felt at the small of myback as he led me from store to store, or the way his knuckles grazed over my skin when he fastened the necklace around my neck at Mantle.
“Couldn’t resist me, huh?” Chaldro leans in close and I can smell the sulfur on his breath. I keep my face neutral with an effort.
“You always know how to get my attention.” I smile and tuck my arm through his as we walk through the front doors of Star Casino. I only hesitated a little when Chaldro told me he wanted to bring me here.
After all, it's a free country. It’s not like Erserro said I needed to avoid the place or anything. Not like I’m avoiding him.
I feel weird about the fact that we haven’t spoken since Tuesday. I didn’t reply to his message.
That doesn’t mean I didn’t think about him. In fact, I spent far too long thinking about him. Especially after a courier arrived at my door with all the things he bought me packaged up in gift wrap and a huge bouquet.
The necklace he bought me is nestled between my breasts tonight in fact. I’ve been wearing it all week. I couldn’t bring myself to take it off for my date with Chaldro.
I know he’s suspicious. I’ve seen him eyeing it all night, but so far he hasn’t asked about it.
“What are we playing today?” I ask him sweetly.
“Lady’s choice.” He grins. “Whatever your little heart desires.”
What I desire is to be at home, sitting on the couch with a carton of ice cream and an old movie, but I don’t say that. Instead, I lead him to the roulette wheel and we take a seat. At least roulette doesn’t require a lot of concentration.
Of course, he pulls me into his lap and I’m forced to endure his spiky knee and smile and laugh, while he makes ridiculous bets and sneers at the other players.
Eventually, he gets bored of roulette and we make our way to the Blackjack table. The night isn’t going well for him, though. As usual, he bets wildly on hands that are weak and brags loudly that he’s going to clean the table.
When another two male dragons walk by, Chaldro calls them over. “Tyr, Udorin. Look at this pretty female I’ve caught tonight. Isn’t she delicious?”
I give them both a smile, trying to pretend he’s not talking about me like exotic game meat.
