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"Okay," I nod, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek.
I gather all of the courage inside of me and step further into my mother's hospital room.
My heart races in my chest, but I know I have to do this.
As I take in the sight of her, my heart actually hurts seeing the awful transformation she's undergone.
The drugs have quite literally eaten her alive, leaving a frail and emaciated figure before me.
She's nothing but a hollow shell of the woman she used to be. I doubt she weighs more than a soaking wet paper bag.
Even when I left, there was still a glow to her skin that made her look alive. Now, it's like every bit of will has been drained from her body.
There's a bandage from the center of her chest and it goes down, disappearing under her hospital gown.
"I didn't think you'd be awake," I tell her honestly, unable to hide the shock in my voice.
She remains silent for a moment, her eyes fixed on me as if she's trying to process the fact I'm really here.
Finally, she speaks. "I thought I was going to die."
"You're lucky the drugs didn't." I point out matter-of-factly.
Growing up, there were numerous times where she had overdosed. Yet, somehow, I was always around her when it happened.
She taught me when I was seven how to give her Naloxone, and so I became her at home overdose police.
She takes in a breath and nods slowly, "I suppose I deserve that."
My anger starts to simmer inside me. "You deserve so much more than that and you know it."
My mother presses her lips into a firm line, "I know I wasn't the best mother, but at least I was around. I wasn't one of those mothers who abandoned their kid."
A bitter laugh escapes my lips, "Oh right, because fucking your dealer for your next fix was being around. You were never around, Mom. You dipped out at the first opportunity, leaving me alone most of the time, or leaving me with Eli," I shut my eyes the second I mention his name, my skin crawling even thinking about him.
"The world must be fuckin' with me right now. Starla, is that you?"
My blood runs cold and a chill runs down my spine at the sound of his voice.
A voice I thought I'd never have to hear ever again.
God, I was hoping he had died, but like a cockroach this monster still found a way to survive.
A hand grips my forearm and forces me to turn toward him. He looks the same, just a bit older.
I yank my arm out of his grasp and his gaze drifts up and down my body, "Fuck, you've grown up. Just as I predicted, you've filled out nicely," Eli remarks, brushing his hand against my hip.
I swat it away aggressively. "Keep your fucking hands off me."
He furrows his brows in confusion, almost like he's forgotten what he did to me. "Awe, come on, haven't you missed your Daddy?"
I shake my head, "No, I haven't. I found peace in thinking you were rotting six feet under."
"Starla!" My mother's trying to chastise me like she did when I was a child, but it won't work now.
I'm no longer the scared little girl who lived in that trailer with them.
Eli grabs onto me, pulling me into an aggressive hug that physically hurts me.
