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Joel hadn't been soft, even back then, but now, everything about him screamed brooding alpha male. It made her tummy do a little flip flop as he stalked towards her, determination shining in his sapphire eyes.
He had the air of a predator, and right now, she'd do well to remember that she was nothing but the prey and that, if she wasn't careful, he would rip her to pieces all over again.
Desirae stood up, unwilling to have him towering above her, then silently cursed that she'd removed her shoes and barely hit the shoulder of his towering six-foot-one frame.
"We need to talk!" Joel growled, his eyes raking over her as if he might devour her whole.
"We've been talking all afternoon." she replied coolly, applying a steadiness into her voice that she was far from feeling.
"We need to talk about us," he clarified. "We have unfinished business, Daisy." Joel prowled around her office with all the lazy grace of a big cat but never took his eyes off her.
"There is no us, Joel, and we've been finished for a long time. Over ten years."
Desirae's voice was sharp, her face devoid of the emotion that was bubbling away perilously close to the surface, and she willed herself to stay still and not back away from him, in the same way as the quarry she felt like.
"You ran away from me," Joel accused, his eyes turbulent and his shoulders tense. "You were my submissive. If there was a problem, you should have stopped and discussed it sensibly with me so that we could have reviewed our contract."
Desirae fell back a step, her eyes widening at the shock of his words, and suddenly, unexpectedly, the pressure release valve with which she had anchored her broiling emotions finally failed and Desirae's anger erupted. His words had lit the torch paper and were the most effective douse to the churning desire that threatened to explode and have her throwing herself naked on his mercy. Instead, her passion erupted as temper.
"And that right there is your problem, Joel." Her voice raised with each word. She stepped forward again and punctuated her every point by jabbing her finger against his muscled chest.
"I was not your damn submissive; I was your girlfriend. We didn't have a bloody contract that dictated our time together, just a verbal agreement that covered the limits of our scenes. As far as I was concerned, that was just a bit of kink because that's what turned you on, not something that defined our entire relationship," she spat, her chest heaving and eyes flashing.
Joel caught hold of her hand and halted her forward progress.
"I was always your Dom," he insisted. "You should have come to me, not run away. It was up to me to protect you!"
"Oh, and a damn fine job you did of that!" Desirae snarled. "You sat there knocking back a beer while one of your friends slagged me off and another asked about the dinner dates you'd had with another woman!" She heaved a breath and yanked her fingers away, the old hurts rushing back and crashing over her in a tide of vulnerability.
"I remember quite clearly which one of them you addressed," she accused. "And it wasn't any attempt to defend me, it was all about letting your kink buddies know just how hot Anita freaking Howard was. So, don't patronise me with that protection crap!"
"I did defend you!" Joel bit out, reaching out for her again.
Desirae spun away from him, desperate to put some distance between them as she felt a tell-tale prickling behind her eyes. She'd be damned if she let him see her cry. It was bad enough that she had lost her calm and flown off the handle with him. No way was she letting him know how deeply his presence was affecting her.
She wound her arms around her middle, holding a tight rein on herself and hiding the whites of her knuckles as her fists clenched with the rage she was feeling at dragging up that whole humiliating incident and the eleven years that had passed without any release for those feelings. She had internalised them all, and now, here was Joel, providing the perfect outlet for all the emotions she had pent up for so long.
"Oh, for crying out loud, don't patronise me, Joel," she seethed. "I heard every word. I heard Eric calling me a dizzy blonde bimbo who talked nothing but crap. I heard him telling everyone that I had a fat ass and afro hair and that I wasn't good enough for you to take home to meet your family. I heard him pointing out to everybody there that you only fucked me from behind so you didn't have to be reminded that I was short and had freckles." Daisy paced the room, stopping every so often to swing around and glower at him. She stopped briefly and looked straight at him.
"You know what I heard you say about me, Joel?" she accused. "Nothing!"
Desirae swung away from him again. "Not one single thing did you say in my defence. I could see you, Joel. You didn't even look that bothered. You just sat there, relaxing on the sofa and sipping your beer while your friend ripped me to shreds right in front of everyone. The only time you got angry was when you saw me. The first time any kind of expression crossed your face was when you knew I was there. Oh…" she said scornfully, glaring at him again. "Apart from the sappy grin you were wearing when you told everyone what a knockout Anita Howard was. Anita Howard, whom you had apparently been taking out to dinner behind my back!"
"I wasn't angry with you," he defended. She noticed he didn't deny the rest, and somehow, that knowledge helped strengthen her resolve.
"No. I guess you were just angry at being caught out."
Desirae heaved a breath, willing herself to keep it together, to just get this confrontation out of the way with a tiny ounce of decorum. She injected ice into her voice and prayed it didn't quaver.
"You didn't come after me, you didn't check I was okay, you didn't make sure I got home safely, you didn't call!" she accused. "So just where was all this blessed protection, Joel? Because I sure as hell didn't see any of it!" she stormed.
"There were reasons…" Joel started.
"Oh I know there were reasons!" Desirae scoffed, cutting him short. "I heard your friends telling you to leave it until I settled down, that there was no point trying to reason with me until I was calmer!"
"Please, Daisy. Let me explain!" Joel implored, hands outstretched toward her.
"I neither want nor need your excuses, Joel," she answered quietly, finally subsiding and shoring her defences. Desirae was just barely holding it together. It had felt good, yelling at him, telling him all the things she had thought and felt but never given an outlet, but now she needed to put an end to this and get him out of here before everything caught up with her and she broke down completely.
