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"It's ancient history now. I have no wish to rake it all up and dissect everything." She sighed. "Just talking to you now makes me realise it was probably all for the best, anyway, because, evidently, it was never really going anywhere." Desirae closed her eyes and tipped her head back, inhaling deeply before releasing a calming breath.
"It's blatantly obvious that neither of us shared even remotely similar perceptions of what our relationship was all those years ago. You've as good as admitted that I was just some submissive sex toy that you got to get your kink on with while you took a more 'suitable woman' out for daddy and dinner. Whereas me? I was dreaming of confetti and babies and picket fences."
Joel's face softened at her admission, but the look of infinite, heart-wrenching sadness that touched her face ripped into him. He reached out to try to take her hand, but Desirae ducked away from him.
"Jeez, was I the stupid one! But I came to terms with that a long time ago, and as you can see, I've moved on. I should thank you, really, for making me the person I am today." No way was she ever letting on that beneath the successful business façade, she was emotionally hollow. That she had lost the ability to form meaningful relationships or that her sex life had completely bombed because no man had ever managed to turn her on the way Joel had…still did. And damn, did she resent him for that.
You need to leave now, Joel." Her tone brokered no argument as a familiar numbness settled over her, shuttering her expression but accompanied by an unexpected melancholy.
"Daisy..." Joel pleaded, but she was finished now. Desirae shook her head.
"There is no Daisy. Daisy is long gone; that girl doesn't exist anymore." She pinned him with an icy stare, her face devoid of emotion. Hardening her heart against the entreaty she saw in his eyes, she spoke decisively. "Daisy is dead!"
Desirae turned her back on him, closed herself off and stood, staring out at the dismal grey twilight that shivered through her darkening office as she willed him to leave and waited stoically to hear his footsteps and the sound of the door clicking closed when he finally took the hint and walked away. The sound of the latch finally catching was magnified in her brain, the noise like a mental switch that finally allowed her to let go.
Her whole body slumped and she felt as if she barely had the energy to keep herself upright. A tear rolled down her cheek and she swiped at it with trembling hands, then looked at the wetness on her fingers in a kind of detached disbelief. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried…actually, yes, she could.
It had been that night. The night Joel had forsaken her. The night all of her hopes and dreams had been destroyed, she had emerged vowing to never let anyone have that kind of power over her again. The night that, when she had finally pulled herself together, she had methodically amassed all her childish hopes and dreams, all the love that had been thrown back in her face and had locked it up tight and encased it in a ball of ice deep inside herself where no one could damage it again.
Damn Joel for stirring up the past, for making her feel things she didn't want to feel, for making her vulnerable again. Her body quaked as she tried to suppress a sob, and her heart wrenched at just how alone she felt. There was no Charlotte, this time, to soothe and console her.
She dragged in a shuddering breath and buried her face in her hands. God damn! She didn't want this, but it seemed the last of her control and detachment had been eroded by the confrontation with Joel and she was left with no barrier against the tattered emotions that were way past ready to implode.
Desirae stiffened in panic as a pair of masculine arms slipped tenderly around her waist and pulled her back against a warm, hard chest. Her first instinct was to struggle; she couldn't let Joel see her break down, mustn't let him realise how much she still hurt—that really would be the ultimate humiliation. But the body gentled her, a strong jaw nuzzled against her hair, and a soothing voice whispered softly in her ear, "Shhh! I've got you."
It wasn't Joel.
Desirae closed her eyes and slumped in relief as she recognised Jake and allowed herself to melt against him and absorb the comfort she so desperately needed.
Chapter Ten
Joel cursed as he slammed out of Daisy's office. Desirae…he still couldn't get his head around that. He needed to, though; it was blatantly obvious that Desirae Harper was about as far away from Daisy Kidde as it was possible to be. The very antithesis, in fact. He wondered why he even still wanted her. This cold, detached woman was nothing like the girl he remembered, the Daisy he had searched for and hungered after. His perfect submissive. The one who had kept him going all these years, kept him believing that his ideal woman was out there and not just a myth.
Desirae Harper didn't appear to have a single submissive bone in her body, nothing soft and pliant about her at all. She was hostile and brazen and appeared as if she would stick a metaphorical middle finger up at anyone who tried to tell her what to do. It was obvious she was more used to giving orders than receiving them.
Joel stood still and took a deep breath, struggling to find his calm. He could feel his blood thudding through his pulse points and a tell-tale niggle behind his eyes that he knew would morph into a full-blown headache. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to breathe slowly and evenly and to think rationally. If he had learned one thing in all his years as a Dominant, it was that the submissive or Dominant nature was innate. It wasn't something that could be learned or assumed, it simply existed at the heart of a person's being. It might be suppressed or unrecognised, but it couldn't be changed. Daisy had been a true submissive. It was in her nature to be compliant and to please others. Just from today's events, he could tell that she still detested confrontation. Oh, she might put on a good front, but he had sensed her discomfort. Both in their conference meeting and during their private exchange. Plus, her whole reputation in the business realm was benevolent. An unusual trait in their world, but it simply boiled down, once again, to her need to please. In this case, she was just pleasing the people involved in the takeovers she handled in what was usually a far more cut throat game. It was the very reason she stood out. It was what made her unique in this ruthless domain they inhabited.
Still, their encounter hadn't gone at all the way he planned. Not that he'd had a specific plan, but he had wanted to clear the air, explain just what had happened the last time he had seen her. Try to get her to understand that he hadn't meant to hurt her. That not everything was how it had appeared.
Sure, he knew it had looked bad from her perspective. But he hadn't expected her to run…well, not beyond her desire to get out of the basement, out of his house.
Sure, he'd imagined that he might have some explaining to do, maybe a little cajoling, but never in his wildest dreams had he thought she'd disappear. Away from him, away from her studies, away from the university, away from her friends. Just up and gone without a trace.
And he knew that for a fact, because he'd looked for her. Not just at her dorm or with her friends, but further afield. He checked out other universities, other art courses, and when that drew a blank, he'd tried to trace her family and then her tax records. But Daisy Kidde had vanished from the face of the earth. Literally. And now he knew that was because Daisy Kidde had ceased to exist; she had been reborn as Desirae Harper.
Joel paced her outer office and dragged his hands down his face, rasping over his evening stubble. He had surreptitiously engaged a background search on Desirae Harper, cross referenced with Daisy Kidde, during their meeting this morning. With that one key connection, the rest of the dots had been surprisingly easy to join. He'd spent the hour after their conference ended reading through it.
He hadn't known that Daisy's given name was Desirae. Hadn't known that the man she called 'Dad' wasn't her father and consequently had a different surname, hadn't known her home address outside term time or even where to begin looking for her.
Eighteen months, they'd been together, and he hadn't even known the basics. Maybe she had been right in her accusation that they both had completely different perceptions of their relationship. In the face of her words and his new knowledge, even he thought he sucked.
It brought a real, physical pain to his chest to know that she'd been so hurt by events that she had turned her back on her entire life and so many things that she'd loved.
Joel paced back and forth across the outer office. Her PA had already left for the day after blatantly giving Connor a come on that his friend hadn't been at all averse to, so everything was quiet. He couldn't believe that she had shut him down, refused to even hear him out. Didn't he merit that much, if nothing else? He just wanted her to listen to what he had to say.
Joel stopped and straightened his back, arching against the tension there. He planted his hands on his lean hips, pushing back his jacket. What was he supposed to do now? In all honesty, he wasn't used to being side-lined like this. He resumed his pacing. Whether in business or in his personal life, people usually stood to attention and listened when he had something to say. In fact, he was more used to women chasing and fawning over him. He always found that rather irritating, but right now, he was somewhat bemused by Desirae's response. Huh, he guessed he wasn't as self-effacing as he thought himself to be. But damn it all, he just wanted to talk to her. Was that really too much to ask?
Joel gritted his teeth at the wave of anger that ripped through him, slapping the wall in front of him with the palm of his hand. The sound of the snarl emanating from his own lips brought him up short in shock.
