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After a few hours, the caterers clean up and leave along with all the townspeople who showed up. I met so many people today, some older, some young and just starting families, some my age. It’s going to be tough remembering all the names and I want to remember the names, because they universally welcomed me and said they’re glad to have me in their town.
For the first time in my life, I have a permanent base and I’m welcomed here. I have friends that are like family and I get to live in one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been.
I have achieved the goal I’ve dreamed of since I was a kid at home alone watching television shows set in small towns where everyone knew everyone else and had loving, present families.
I’ve gotten everything I’ve ever wanted, yet it feels strangely hollow without Daisy.
I lock up the clinic and pull out my cell phone to tell Daisy about everything that happened today, but stop before I hit her name with my thumb. I told her we can’t be friends anymore and I need to apologize for that properly before I can go back to texting and calling her about every little and big thing that happens in my life.
Instead, I find myself doing something I haven’t done in over three years. I choose my father’s contact information.
I’m about to hang up when his voice comes across the line, gruff but jolly. “Noah. It’s been too long, son.”
“The phone works both ways.” I shouldn’t have called.
“Does it now? I guess I didn’t realize that since the last time we spoke, you asked me never to call you again. Your mother keeps me apprised of your health.”
I talk to my mother every couple of months. We don’t have a great relationship, but we keep each other updated on the big events in our lives. “Maybe because the last time I talked to you, you called me an idiot for going overseas to work.”
He snorts. “You went to one of the most dangerous countries in the world to work under grueling conditions with poor sanitation and the potential for catching every disease known to man. I was worried about you.”
That catches me off guard. During the massive fight we had about me joining Doctors without Borders I don’t remember him once saying he was worried about me. “Right. It had nothingto do with you being embarrassed to tell all your rich, successful colleagues about me.”
He’s silent for several beats of my heart. “That’s why you thought I was mad?”
“Isn’t it?”
He sighs heavily. “I tell everyone about you being an amazing doctor, risking your life overseas. They’re all a hell of a lot more impressed with you than with anything I’ve ever done.”
My head spins at this flip of perspective, and I sit on the edge of my desk. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I’m an asshole who’s set in my ways, and I don’t like to admit I have feelings or worry about you.”
“But you’re telling me now.”
“Three years gave me a lot of time to think. I was raised to be tough, Noah, and never complain or let my emotions rule my actions.”
“Your outburst over the phone felt pretty damn emotional.”
He puffs out a breath. “Anger is acceptable. Rules of toxic masculinity.”
“Toxic masculinity?” I’ve entered an alternate reality. That’s the only reasonable explanation,
“It’s all these sensitivity training workshops I’ve had to do for work. They’re turning me into a damn woman.”
I press my lips together not to laugh. Sensitivity training can only do so much, apparently. “Thanks for telling me that, Dad.”
“I’d’ve told you that a hell of a lot sooner if you’d called. I asked your mother to explain it, but you know how she hates to get between the two of us.”
“She’s not a big fan of emotions herself.”
“She has her reasons, Noah. I know you think we’re the worst parents on the planet, but believe me, there are worse.”
He’s not wrong, but it doesn’t excuse his behavior. I’ve never bothered trying to explain to my parents how they hurt me,because it’s in the past and I doubt anything I could ever say would change anything, but I called him for answers and I’m not in the mood to back down. “You abandoned me, Dad. You left me alone when all I wanted was your attention and love.”
“You were better off,” he says. “We got you the best nannies money can buy, and we made sure you were safe. Your mother and I were never cut out to be parents.”
“Did you even want me?” I’ve never asked before, because I was afraid of the answer.
