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CALLUM
Quinn was waiting for me on the front porch when I got home. She was wearing a thin, long-sleeved shirt that didn’t look warm enough for the cold front that had just blown in, and her lips felt icy when she jumped up and pressed them against mine.
“You’re freezing,” I observed, sliding my hands up and down her arms, trying to create some friction.
“I’mexcited.” She pressed against me, and there was an amber glow in her eyes that warmed the steely gray. “Guess what we decided?”
I locked my arms around her waist and held her close to me. The ends of her long hair tickled my wrists. “Webeing…?”
“Me and the girls. Well, not Joanne, but it’s just because we haven’t told her yet. She’ll be on board.” She wasn’t shivering so much as vibrating with excitement. “God, I’m just going to tell you. I can’t wait. The–”
“The Bellesare getting back together,” I interrupted.
Quinn’s lips parted in surprise. “How do you know? Did Renee tell you already?”
“Renee didn’t need to tell me. The band getting back together is the only thing that would get you this excited.” I idly twined a finger around the ends of her hair. My own heart was starting to beat faster, my mind racing with questions. What did this mean for her? For her career? Forus? Surely all four of them weren’t going to uproot and move to LA? Renee had just bought a house. Joanne’s husband was the town’s favorite vet. Mia’s grandmother was in bad health. They weren’t eighteen anymore.
I opened my mouth to ask, but I found I couldn’t. Right now, I had this gleaming possibility that Quinnwasn’tplanning to leave as soon as she was sure it was safe. I was going to hold onto it for as long as I could. She could smash it later on if she chose, but I wasn’t going to do it myself.
“Well, what do you think?” she demanded, her eyes searching mine.
“I think it’s fucking awesome.” I kissed her hard, trying not to let her feel how much I wanted to keep her. “Renee must be out of her mind.”
Quinn went very still. “Callum, when I left–”
I was aware that we were still standing outside in the chilly twilight, that my parents were inside, that Noah was waiting for us to get home, but my whole focus narrowed to a pinpoint.When I left. What was she about to ask?
“–was Renee upset?”
Her body was stiff, like she was bracing for a blow. I said it as gently as I could, but I had to tell her the truth. “Shewas devastated.” I wouldn’t tell her about the hours Renee had spent crying in her room, trying to muffle the sound under pounding loud rock music. She must have known that we heard it anyway, because otherwise, why had my parents let her do it? And then when Quinn’s album had gone number one–that had hurt Renee, too, even if it also thrilled her. She’d always had a complicated relationship with how Quinn had left, but she’d loved Quinn too much to show it.
Quinn flinched, like she read the whole truth in my eyes.
I tried to give it context. “She understood. Shewantedyou to go and do your thing. But losingThe Belleswas huge.”
“She never let on.”
I jerked my shoulders. My sister wasn’t stoic about much, but she had been about that. She’d done her best to swallow the hurt and the loss because she loved Quinn. I’d admired her at the time in a detached sort of way. Now I wondered if I could be that strong if Quinn decided to leave again. “She loves you,” I said unnecessary, and what I really meant wasI love you.
“If she’d told me, I might have–”
“Yeah, you might have, but you wanted it, Quinn. You don’t have to apologize for that.”
“Don’t I?”
I didn’t think so. “What if you’d turned down Jason’s offer, andThe Bellesnever got further than the stage at Jimmy’s?”
I saw that life run through Quinn’s head. Her eyes softened, but her mouth turned down at the corners. “I don’t think I would have been happy.”
“There you go. You have to do what’s in your heart. Even if you leave people behind. Even if you hurt them.”
I wondered if she heard the way my voice darkened and my jaw tightened. I wasn’t talking aboutThe Bellesanymore. I wasn’t even talking to Quinn anymore, not really. This was a lecture for myself.
Maybe she was staying.
But if she wasn’t, I had to let her go.
When we woke up on the morning of Joanne’s birthday party, it was pouring rain. It was the kind of storm we got maybe every five years, where it seemed like a giant was standing outside, throwing buckets of water at the window.
