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Bex looked at me for a moment, considering. “I want you to sleep in my clothes. Take the pants off; you’ll be warm enough.”
I followed her command without question, pulling off the leggings and tossing them into my laundry basket. It was almost laughable how compliant I’d become, desperate to keep whatever emotion Bex was feeling written across her face. Funny how I’d spent weeks trying to force any sort of emotion out of Bex, anything other than the indifference or disdain I was so used to receiving from her. I never would’ve guessed - in no fantasy or imaginary scenario - Bex would look at me with a sort of tentative happiness, her eyes shining and lips tilted in the corners. I would do whatever it took to keep that look on her face for as long as possible.
So when Bex pulled back my sheets with a tilt of her head, I crawled underneath, allowing her to tuck the covers under my chin. My eyes closed almost immediately, the familiar warmth of my bed coupled with the excitement of the night’s events enough to have me on the edge of sleep. I heard shuffling as Bex crossed the room, then the flick of a switch as she turned off the lights.
I tried not to allow disappointment to sink too far under my skin when I heard her footsteps pad down the hallway back to her bedroom. The room felt almost hollow once she left, even though tonight was one of the few times she’d ever been in my space. Even that afternoon she watched me from the doorway she’d never gotten more than a step inside, the doorknob anchoring her to the hallway.
I felt tears burning in the backs of my eyes and silently scolded myself for being so weak.A badass wouldn’t cry over a girl she never dated, I told myself, though I knew that was a lie. The best part of any romance was when the badass ended up shedding a tear over their lost love. Then again, if this were a movie, Bex would be the badass.
But Bex didn’t love me. Sure, she’d admitted she wanted me, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything long-term. She wasn’t beholden to me, didn’t owe me anything.
Besides, I’d been with her twice, more than I expected or hoped, though I’d missed the chance to touch or taste her. But that was my own fault, getting too caught up in what she’d been offering to give her any sort of pleasure. She’d taken me home, made sure I was okay, even tucked me in before disappearing. That was more than I had expected. Tomorrow would be awkward, but I planned to get through it like I did most things: by ignoring my problems, flirting, and making jokes.
I picked out my outfit in my head for tomorrow, trying to figure out which combination said yes-you-fucked-me-but-I’m-totally-casual-and-cool-about-it. I was on my third iteration - struggling to figure out which accessories went best with the outfit I’d decided on - when I heard a small shuffle outside my bedroom door.
“Bex?” I squeaked, tugging the covers up higher as if my comforter would protect me from a murderer.
“Shh,” a familiar voice soothed, and then she was there, the bed dipping as she crawled in beside me. Bex wrapped a warm arm around my waist, tucking my back against her chest, our bare legs intertwining under the covers. I smelled the mint of her toothpaste, her breath fanning over my cheek as she tucked her face behind mine on the pillow.
I relaxed into her embrace for a moment, reveling in the fact that she came back. But all too quickly, my earlier anxieties returned. Coming back still didn’t guarantee anything, and I wondered how lucky I’d get, how long I’d be able to indulge in Bex’s affection until she lost interest. I could feel my muscles tense with each question running through my head.
“Stop thinking so much, little bird,” she whispered into my ear, her voice groggy with sleep. “Just be with me.” And that small urging was enough, sending me to sleep within moments.
* * *
I had never beenan anxious person. I grew up with money and privilege and for most of my life lived in a diverse, liberal area where being gay and being Chinese weren’t oddities, though being both had made me stick out more. I always had food and a roof over my head. My education was paid for, so I graduated college debt-free. And though I was lonely, I always felt safe. Which meant I didn’t have a great frame of reference for fear, because I’d never truly been scared, save for the general level of fear and awareness most women felt in dark alleys and when walking home alone.
Then, when I finally found myself in a situation where I should have been scared - having a dangerous man associated with mobsters and arms dealers break intoIn Bloomjust to leave a message for Alex, Dev, and Bex - I mostly felt calm. Because I knew that they would do whatever it took to protect me. And Bex had done that, sticking by my side for weeks now, despite there being no other threats, per Alex’s most recent report. I felt safe every day having Bex by my side and the guys a phone call away, knowing they’d keep me out of danger.
But waking up the next morning, with Bex’s arm wrapped around me and hearing the soft inhales she took in her sleep, I felt terrified. Because this was the one thing that could hurt me the most, and the guys couldn’t protect me from it. Bex couldn’t protect me from herself. Even if she tried, it was already too late.
I had thought last night, in the throes of pleasure, that my pussy belonged to Bex alongside my heart, and in the early morning light I knew that was the truth. Bex owned every part of me. She would break every part of me, and there was nothing I could do about it. Playing games with her had backfired, treating her like a one-off hadn’t worked, and trying to avoid her was impossible. So I took a minute, breathing in the moment, tracking the sights and sounds and feelings and smells of waking up next to Bex, just in case I never got another chance.
And then I set out to take advantage of every opportunity I’d have with her, for whatever time I had. Because if there was one thing I knew how to do, it was how to go out in style.
I started by making up for the glaring imbalance in our relationship so far, tipping Bex onto her back as I rolled on top of her. I pressed kisses along her jaw, down her neck, biting her skin through the fabric of her shirt until her hips bucked up toward mine. It didn’t take long for her eyes to blink awake, flaring with heat as she saw me nestled between her legs.
“Don’t stop now, little bird,” she whispered, voice hoarse with sleep but still demanding enough to send a shiver down my spine.
I continued my slow path down her body, pushing up the fabric of her shirt so I could slide my tongue along the small bit of skin between her belly button and her underwear. I pressed my thumb against the wetness already seeping through the fabric, grinning up at Bex from between her legs at my achievement. I ran my teeth and tongue along the soaked material, enjoying my opportunity to tease Bex like she had me the night before.
But she didn’t allow me to play for long. After a couple minutes, Bex jerked up into a sitting position, pulling my head back by my hair until I looked into her eyes.
“Stop teasing,” she growled, the same commanding tone in her voice as when she made me moan her name in the haunted house. With one last, sharp pull to my hair, she tugged her shirt over her head. Then, she laid back down with an arm behind her head, casually watching me with an eyebrow raised.
Her dominance only made me more eager, her casual attempt at indifference making me want to wipe the look off her face. So I played coy, peeking up at Bex under my lashes as I tucked my fingers under the waistband of her underwear and tugged them off. I took a moment to admire her fully undressed, treating every first moment with her as if it were the last, just in case. I could see the thin lines of her tattoo curving around her hip, and I ran a nail along the art.
“I love this,” I told her, watching as her eyes softened. Then I trailed my fingers down her hip, across her thigh, reaching between her legs and swiping a fingertip through the wetness gathering there. I licked it off my finger, sucking the digit into my mouth until Bex’s eyes hardened at the slow tease. “Love this, too.”
Before she could bark out another command, I bent at the waist, kissing across the path my finger just took. I nudged Bex’s knees wider, groaning when she let them fall open, opening herself up for me even more. Bex’s grumbling grew in intensity as I teased her, but quickly cut off when I finally reached the blonde curls between her legs, thrusting my tongue inside her without warning.
“Fuck,” Bex bit out the curse with a jolt, her pussy squeezing my tongue on the first thrust. I felt her arm come down from behind her neck to grip my ponytail, and I laughed at how easily I succeeded in breaking her impassive façade.
I didn’t slow down, continuing to eat her while I alternated between hard swirls around her clit and thrusts of my tongue. Once my chin was covered in her arousal, I slipped a hand between her legs, pushing one slim finger and then another into her until she groaned. I pumped my fingers into her while I continued to lap at her clit, smiling when Bex’s legs continued to tense with her heightening pleasure.
I didn’t take my time, knowing Bex would want it as rough as she gave it, but I did pay attention. I cataloged every flinch, every groan and gasp that escaped from her clenched teeth. What could I say? I was an optimist, which meant I planned on this happening more than once, on needing to know the sensitive spots, the ones that made her fingers clench in my hair and her thighs tremble.
I felt Bex starting to squeeze around my fingers, getting closer, and I sucked her clit between my teeth, lightly biting until she dug her nails into my scalp, and rode my face as she came. I lightly licked her clit as she rode out her orgasm, pumping my fingers slower until she was done. I laid my head on her thigh, watching her flushed face and memorizing every detail of it, smiling when her eyes opened and her gaze met mine.
