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“What if it makes it better? What if you could have more?” Wren threw back.
“If you’re not fucking Dev, are you planning on sleeping with other people? Onhimsleeping with other people? Or just never having sex again?” Ames asked, and I finally understood the connections Wren had made in her line of questioning.
“I don’t know,” I said as my gut twisted into something unrecognizable, my brain going over her words, examining each side of them, as if hoping they could be interpreted in another way. As if the wordnowasn’t screaming in my mind at the thought of either of us with other people. “I’ll think about it.”
That was all they were going to get. The two of them didn’t understand, not really. They came into this life through their relationships. They could leave if things didn’t work out, and had the freedom to decide for themselves how much danger they were willing to put themselves in. I was stuck as my father’s daughter - in danger because of my relation to him - until the day he died, reliant on others to protect me. I had to hide who I was my entire life, and would continue to hide that for the rest of my life.
John’s interruption saved me from further questions, Cian ambling back over once he sensed his ears were safe. Poorthing wouldn’t have survived my rare college hookups if Wren’s questions had thrown him off that easily.
“Are you ladies ready to go?” John asked, shooting looks at Cian, whose face still had a reddish tint underneath his freckles.
“I think we need to make another stop,” Ames said with a smile, leading John away while she pulled up some directions on her phone.
Cian swept the shop while we waited by the car, though I wasn’t worried. I’d never visited the bridal shop before, nor I had ever been to the small boutique in front of us, so it was unlikely anyone could be lying in wait to strike me down. And when Cian walked back to the car with the flush he’d finally gotten rid of firmly back on his face, my stomach twisted as I wondered where exactly Ames had brought us.
The answer, revealed as soon as we walked into the small shop, was a lingerie store. Racks of bras and underwear, teddies and garter belts lined the walls in various colors, blacks and deep reds, jewel toned blues and greens, neutrals in nude and white.
“Good afternoon,” a sales associate called from the back of the store, hanging up a few items that looked more like scraps of lace than the bodysuit it made up. “Can I help you?”
“We’re looking for bridal lingerie,” Ames answered with a sly grin, pushing me forward as if offering me up as a sacrifice. She leaned toward me as she whispered the next part, “So you’re ready for your wedding night. In case you decide to take the leap.”
Ames had a spark in her eye that implied my decision was already made, even if I hadn’t even truly considered her words yet. I thought about protesting, telling her I wasn’t sure I would sleep with him, that buying lingerie wouldn’t guarantee anything between me and Dev, but no matter how hard I tried to push the words out, they wouldn’t come. Probably because they would’ve been lies.
By the time I broke eye contact with Ames, the saleswoman had made her way over to us, stepping a few feet away and roaming over my body with assessing eyes.
I couldn’t pretend to be scandalized, not with the thoughts I’d been having about my soon-to-be husband over the last couple of weeks, the dreams that had me waking up sweaty and on the edge.
Too often lately, I’d woken up with my fingers already between my legs, rubbing my clit, Dev’s name bitten back on my tongue when I came. The dreams were partially why I’d already been thinking of consummating my marriage, before Wren even brought up the possibility. I wasn’t sure how long I’d last without crawling into his bed, especially once I was bound to him for the rest of my life. Or however long he planned to keep me.
Maybe those thoughts were the ones Ames had read on my face, that had made her so sure that I’d be slipping into Dev’s bed on our wedding night. The thoughts that had her and Wren demanding I try on lingerie with less and less fabric, until I stood in front of them with a sheer, white strapless bra with matching underwear, opaque floral appliqués the only things keeping me decent in front of my newly found friends.
I was especially grateful Wren had kicked out John and Cian since I would’ve never come out of the dressing room with the men standing guard. The two stood near the front and back entrances while they waited for us to finish up. I could still see the red blush on the back of Cian’s neck, even from yards away.
I couldn’t help my fidgeting as the girls stared at me with wide eyes, their gazes meeting, turning back toward me as I stood in front of them with most of my skin on display, before they looked back at each other again.
“Dev’s going to fucking die,” Ames said with much more glee than she should’ve at the idea of one of her best friends dropping dead.
“If he doesn’t fuck you in that, I will,” Wren said with a serious face, lips only splitting into a grin when I felt my blush making its way down my chest. “And if you blush like that in front of him? He’s definitely not going to be able to keep his hands to himself.”
Within a handful of minutes, my clothes were back on and I had a small bag with the lingerie tucked inside, the three of us following John and Cian back to our car.
Somewhere in between shopping for a wedding dress and trying on increasingly skimpy lingerie, the last of any awkwardness faded between me and the girls. I truly relaxed for the first time since this morning, my spine curving against the backseat as John drove us away from the lingerie store. That is, until the car made yet another detour, parking along the street at a nondescript building downtown that I didn’t recognize.
“We have a surprise,” Wren told me with a smile, clapping her hands as if the excitement at her surprise couldn’t be contained. While I’d been confused at their relationship at first, I’d grown to see how the bubbly woman in front of me fit so well with Bex. The tall blonde’s dry humor and brutal honesty had grown on me, and she’d been the one I’d gone to a couple times for updates, if only because she scared me less than Alex and unlike Dev, I knew she wouldn’t tiptoe around my feelings.
Sure, on the outside, Wren was loud and flamboyant while Bex was stoic and intimidating, but the two shared a mischievous look in their eyes that explained all the stories Wren had told me about how the two got together.
Besides, external appearances didn’t guarantee or refute relationships. I was sure I looked uptight and anxious next to easygoing Dev, seemed plain in my oversized sweaters while he wore form-fitting exercise clothes that showed off his muscular frame. And yet he was the person I’d felt most comfortable with in…forever. Save for the women leading me into asmall storefront downtown, which opened into a modern office building with various storefronts for different businesses.
“No peeking!” Wren called when I tried to look at the wall of company names lining the entryway. Ames led me by the hand, pulling me up the stairs and stopping in front of a small office. I looked for some indicator of where we were, but Ames cut off my line of sight.
“Nice try,” she said with a smile, shifting to press her back to the sign on the door before I could see it. “Being with Alex has taught me a thing or two about secret keeping.”
We stood in a loose circle as we waited for the group in front of us to finish. The four women were clustered in the back of the office space, though the frosted glass windows didn’t allow me to see any details.
“And while Ames loves secrets like her fiancé, I love spoiling secrets, so I’ll give you a hint. We’re going to get matching -”
“Somethings,” Ames interrupted with a softly stern look in Wren’s direction.
