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The security team members only obstructed the view, and they stayed off to the side of things. They formed a perimeter around us. There were so many of them now. Whenever we went out, there was no camouflaging the celebrity factor.
The time we spent in Jackson’s backyard made me long for that chaise behind my dad’s, but I refused to go there. I refused to forgive my dad for his lack of care toward me. He knew who and what my mother was, and yet, when she left him, he let her take me.
Nope. Not going there. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
We spent our nights curled up in bed, pretending to watch movie after movie. Neither of us slept. The nightmares came then—for both of us —and neither of us wanted to deal with them. Especially not after I shoved Jackson from the bed in the middle of the night, screaming, fighting the demons in my dreams in the way I hadn’t been able to fight them in person.
Jackson’s nightmares were just as bad. After a dreadful night when we’d both drifted off to sleep and fought to get away from each other until we hit the floor, Olivia suggested we sleep separately. She immediately held her hands in surrender when Jackson and I leveled a heated gaze in her direction.
I don’t freaking think so.
Today, it rained. I don’t know why I felt the need to say that. It was Seattle. It constantly rained, but today was more than a drizzle that we could ignore under the covered portion of the deck. Raindrops pelted the hard surfaces so hard they bounced. I’d noticed it on the way to and from the hospital today.
The only time we left the house was for my therapy appointments. While I was in therapy, Liam would usually examine Jackson, then me when therapy was over. But he had been busy today and left word letting us know that he’d be by after work.
I was pulled from the daze I’d fallen into as I stared out the windows from the window seat in Jackson’s room by a knock on the door. Jackson kissed my head before he got up and opened the door.
Liam came in and set his bag on the bed. He knew that Jackson and I rarely spoke to anyone other than each other unless asked a direct question, and he respected that now. The first few days after we were released from the hospital and returned to Seattle, he would try to get us to talk about what happened, but I just couldn’t. When Liam pushed us to talk a few days ago, Jackson went berserk. He screamed and threw things, threatening Liam until he backed out of the room.
Now, Liam would examine the two of us and explain what must be done. Then, he would remind us that we could come to him if we wanted to talk. He mentioned a psychiatrist, but I refused, and Jackson followed suit. I didn’t want anyone else to know what happened. I tried to maintain our privacy as long as possible. I just wanted to be left alone with Jackson so we could find us again.
I grieved the loss of our budding relationship. It had been brand spanking new. A shiny new toy that I had never realized I could have until Jackson came along. All those dormant thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and desires exploded in an array of technicolor that gave my life the meaning and excitement it had been lacking.
“Those bandages need to come off. The wounds need air. I’ll come back tomorrow after my shift and recheck them. The plastics guy in Tennessee that stitched you up did an excellent job,” Liam said as he finished Jackson’s check-up.
Jackson just nodded and walked into the bathroom. Liam quietly slipped from the room, again reminding me he was available whenever I wanted to talk. I nodded silently as I always did.
I waited a few minutes after Liam closed the door and joined Jackson in the bathroom. He had been hiding his wounds from me ever since they were bandaged for the first time, and I was finished with that. I knew why he did it and appreciated it, but we went through hell together and would have to lean on each other to find normal again. Or relatively as close to normal as we’d ever get.
“Jackson?” I called as I walked into the bath, leaning on the cane.
He was standing in front of the mirror, scowling at his reflection. He looked in pain, but I wasn’t sure if it was actual physical pain from his wounds or if it was the emotional shit that we both dealt with. His left hand was hovering over his right shoulder like it was trying to screw up the courage to pull the bandages off.
At the sound of my voice, he turned from the mirror. Shock covered his handsome face at seeing me. I knew I’d shied away from seeing him less than fully dressed because of what Caleb did to me. But I needed to get past it, and the only person I trusted was Jackson.
He finally asked. “Katie, sugar, what are you doing in here?”
I took a deep breath and replied, “Liam said you needed to remove the bandages today. You’ll need some help with that.”
He shook his head vehemently. “Katie, no. You don’t need to see this. Go back to the bedroom and rest. I’ll manage.”
“Jackson, I’ve already seen them. It’s okay. I just want to help you.” I fought back.
For some reason, my brain thought this was the perfect first step in overcoming the uneasiness I’d developed. I was determined to get past this. It had been over a week since we left the hospital in Tennessee, and it was time to deal with what my life had become.
I walked up behind him. His entire upper body was covered in stark white gauze bandages. Some of the gauze wasn’t white at all, though. Some of it was stained brown where blood soaked through from where he’d stretched and moved. It was a reminder of what lay beneath.
Swallowing back the tears rising in my throat, I leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against his shoulder, whispering my gratitude for his sacrifice. “Thank you.”
The connection between my lips and his body linked us. It wasn’t the first time we’d kissed or pressed a kiss to the other’s body, but it opened a gate this time. His pain and mine merged and finally overwhelmed my steely resolve.
A tidal wave of emotion crashed into me, and Jackson, being Jackson, held me through it all. I’d cried plenty, but this was somehow different. This onslaught of tears that had been just threatening to fall over the last two weeks was now coursing down my face, flooding my cheeks with the agony I’d beenholding in over what we’d been through. This was like a cleansing of sorts.
When I pulled away, I noticed in the mirror that Jackson’s face was covered in the same agony as mine. Only his was also filled with regret and self-loathing.
“I love you, " I whispered, staring into his reflection’s eyes.
He squeezed his eyes shut. A grimace swept across his face. He didn’t say anything in return. He just dropped his head to his chest as his hands hit the counter to hold himself upright. His tears fell like rain splashing against the counter in front of him.
