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“Like twins?”
“Yes, Katie. Twins. But as I explained, the gestational age based on the ultrasound is too close to when you were assaulted to determine paternity,” Liam said gently.
“But Jackson is a twin…” I maintained.
Liam cleared his throat, then pointed out. “Yes, but you have a mother who is a twin and twin half-siblings. There’s just not enough to say with any certainty.”
I nodded, gazing down at the photos in my hand. Try as I might, my heart was already growing attached. Tears slowly rolled out of my overflowing eyes and down my cheeks.
“I don’t know how much more we can take and stay standing and together, Liam,” I complained to him.
Liam laid the tablet on the desk and took my hands in his. “Katie, that nephew of mine is strong. He’s brave and stubborn as a mule. He’s also head over heels for you. He will be right there by your side, whatever life throws at you. Right now, you need to focus on talking with Jackson and getting the test done. You also need to eat, sleep, and drink plenty of water. Limit your caffeine and no alcohol.”
He stood and grabbed his cell phone from his desk. “I’m sending you a text of some OB/GYN recommendations. All these women are trustworthy. You’ll need to choose one.”
“Even if I choose…” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
“Yes. Even if that ends up being your choice,” Liam confirmed. “Oh, and Katie, your secret is safe with me, and your decision is yours, but the clock is ticking.”
I nodded, looking back at the photos of the two blobs inside me. I never considered children. I never thought I’d find someone who turned that part of me on.
Then Jackson walked into my life, and suddenly, I was picturing picket fences and nurseries. I dreamed of building a life and a home with him. I envisioned babies that looked like their gorgeous daddy.
When the lightbulb first went off, I was ecstatic, but within seconds, all that initial, blinding happiness vanished. Even though it was way too soon, I wanted it if this baby was Jackson’s. I wanted to fill a house, our house, with Jackson’s children even though we didn’t have one yet. I wanted to be the kind of mother I was sure Lillian Holt had been. The kind of mother I’d always dreamed of having. I wanted to make their lunches and bake cookies and cupcakes for school parties. I wanted to help with homework and teach them the guitar. I wanted to take them to the zoo and their daddy’s races.
I wanted that so much, even if it was way too soon.
Unfortunately, you don’t always get what you wish for. A lesson I’ve learned and relearned too many times to count during my life. The possibility of disappointment hung heavy in my heart. The only luck Jackson and I had was bad luck or no luck at all.
Seventeen
Jackson
I sprawled into the armchair in the carriage house the groomsmen were using to get ready. I had a beer in my hand. It wasn’t the first and wouldn’t be the last I drank today. I had fucked up, and I had no fucking clue how to fucking fix it.
Not confronting Katie in Seattle was the stupidest decision I ever could’ve made. She was my fucking world, and I walked away from her. I was a fucking coward. I left her to deal with the shitstorm of our lives on her own.
I guzzled a good portion of the beer I held just as the front door swung open. My mother, sister and Katie walked in, followed by Evan and Dad. My heart broke when she didn’t come to me. She stood next to Evan and kept sneaking glances at me as Morgan and the rest of Team Holt bombarded the family.
As much as I missed my family this past week, when my eyes landed on my girl, they stayed there. Katie looked so tired.Exhaustion dulled her normally bright, sparkly eyes, and she appeared to have lost even more weight.
The amount of chatter was overwhelming until Katie’s eyes met mine. Then the sound dimmed to nothing like watching one of those old silent films from the twenties. Her throat slipped up and down as we stared at one another. And she still didn’t move from Evan’s side.
I was an asshole. I could’ve gone to her. I was a fucking idiot, I knew it, but I never claimed to be relationship smart.
I couldn’t help but wonder if she was feeling okay. Before I left, there hadn’t been anything that made me suspect she was pregnant. Not that I was all that knowledgeable about the subject.
Just the thought of the baby she carried had rage and despair warring with hope and anticipation within me. I wanted that with her. I wanted to watch her grow round with our child. I wanted to read to her belly and talk with our child. I wanted to watch her teach our little ones to play guitar and piano.
Gee Mom’s always said if wishes were horses, everyone would ride.
I drained the rest of my beer, standing to greet my family on the way to replace the empty bottle with a full one. I kissed my mother and sister’s cheek and had intended to do the same with Katie. But as with every intention I’ve had about Katie since day one, the minute I got close to her, whatever I intended was tossed out the window.
I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my lips to her forehead. I savored the feel of her against me. It had been too long.
“How are you, darlin’?” I asked softly against her forehead.
“I’m okay.”
