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This is fine, I told myself as I took the kiss deeper. This I can do.
If I focused on pleasing my sunshine, then the darkness couldn’t take me.
And hopefully, after, Matty would forget this conversation had ever happened.
Chapter 24
Matty
Iknew exactly what Sebastian was doing, but just as he didn’t acknowledge my games when I lured him to my flat, I didn’t call attention to it.
Instead, I let him kiss me. Let him lead me down a different path where we didn’t have to talk.
All we had to do was feel.
Perhaps someone else would’ve pushed Sebastian to open up, but I couldn’t. Not when I’d seen the raw pain in his eyes. How his Adam’s apple had jerked as he struggled to swallow.
Whatever he’d been through, it’d scarred him deeply enough that he couldn’t talk about it.
Something told me it wasn’t recent though. If it had been, surely the others would give him leeway. They’d be more understanding of his mood swings. Maybe they’d be aware that Sebastian surrounded himself with barbed wire because it was the only thing standing between them and his broken heart.
The others might be mainly demons, but I’d never seen them behave with anything other than kindness.
If they knew about the trauma Sebastian had been through, there was no way they’d write him off as easily as they did.
The realisation made my heart ache. Didn’t Seb have anyone to open up to? Who did he talk to when he was sad?
It almost had me in tears. Only the knowledge that he had me now kept them at bay. I wasn’t going to let him suffer alone anymore. I wasn’t going to push him now. Not when he was obviously struggling. But I was going to make sure he knew I was here for him. That whenever he was ready to talk, I’d help him through it.
Instinctively, I knew that wasn’t what he needed now. Well, it was more the way he was roughly palming my arse than instincts, but the message was clear.
Sebastian needed to escape his brain for a bit. To feel rather than think.
That was something I was more than happy to provide.
“Bedroom,” I urged him, rocking my hips forward so my erection caught on his. “I need you inside me.”
“Fuck yes,” he responded in a gravelly tone.
He didn’t wait for me to get out, just stood with me in his arms and stepped over the side of the bath. Water sloshed everywhere, pooling on the tiles. Neither of us commented on it, just went back to kissing.
The next thing I knew, my wet back was hitting my sheets. Never mind, I’d change them later. I wasn’t stopping now. Not until Sebastian was smiling at me again.
His mouth was hot and demanding as it closed over mine. One of his hands gripped my damp curls, the other going between us to tease my entrance.
I splayed my legs wide, giving him more access. “Please, Seb. I want you. I need you.”
“I’ve got you,” he said simply, leaning over me for a second. When his fingers returned, they were cool with the familiar slick of lube. “Open up for me, sunshine.”
I bore down on his fingers, my body readily adjusting for him. It wasn’t enough for me. I needed more from him.
“Come here,” I whined, tugging on his hair. “I need you up here.”
Sebastian smirked at me, a glimmer of his usual self returning. “What exactly do you need, sunshine?”
I squirmed. Cheese and rice, he was going to make me say it.
“I want…I want to s-suckyouoff,” I stammered, feeling my blush go all the way to my toes. “Please.”
