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“Do you have family?”
My limbs tensed. Fuck. Any other time, any other person, and I would’ve walked away. The memories I had of them lay in the darkest part of my psyche. A place I didn’t venture into, for fear of what I might become if I let myself remember.
I couldn’t walk away from Matty though. Especially not given our current position. Instead, I offered him a small sliver of truth. “Toby. You’ve met him, right?”
Matty’s curls bobbed. “Yeah, he’s the bartender at The Closet. He comes to our book clubs sometimes. Haven’t seen him in a while though.”
Neither had I. Hadn’t heard from him either. A few months ago, I wouldn’t even have noticed.
But now I was wondering if I should reach out to him. Christ knew he was going through something with Blaise. Perhaps he might need someone to talk to.
I winced. Who even was I?
“He’s my cousin,” I told Matty gruffly. “He’s the only family I have.”
Matty twisted to face me, making the water slosh over the edge. He didn’t pay it any attention as he met my gaze. “But you had other family, right?”
My throat thickened. I squeezed my eyes closed as their faces swam through my mind. Amelie. Geralt. Magnus. My parents.
It was too much. I was skating too close to the darkness.
But my sunshine was waiting for an answer. I nodded. It was all I could give him.
When he spoke, his voice was heavy with sorrow. Like he could guess at what I couldn’t voice. “I’m sorry. Are they the ones who were taken from you?”
My eyes flew open in horror. “What?”
Matty flinched at my tone. “Back when I was kidnapped, you talked to one of them about what happened the last time those you loved were taken from you.”
My breath turned ragged. I hadn’t realised I’d said that. To be honest, my whole memory of the encounter was a rage-filled blur where all I could see was Matty with the barrel of a gun to his head.
Matty continued, pushing further towards my darkness. “Is that who you were talking about? Or was it, like, your partner?”
Laurent.
Another human I shouldn’t have loved. For completely different reasons though.
The outcome would be the same for me—a broken heart and centuries of making the same fucking mistakes. At least this time my family wouldn’t pay the price of my foolish heart.
Only me. I didn’t care about that. The part of me who cared about myself had died as Laurent took his final breath.
Matty’s hands cupped my face, his sunshine piercing the dark clouds consuming me. “Hey, where’d you go?”
His touch was too gentle. His eyes too concerned. I couldn’t stand it. I didn’t deserve his pity.
I’d lost everything because of my own actions. I didn’t deserve a drop of Matty’s empathy. His kindness. His sorrow.
It was my fault. Mine.
There was no way I was dragging Matty into this darkness. It would smother him. He’d suffocate there.
But he was watching me. Waiting for a response.
So I did the only thing I could think of.
I kissed him.
Matty gave a breathy gasp of surprise before giving in to the kiss with a small whimper. His hands moved from my face, skimming down my neck and over my chest.
