AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Toby scoffed. “Please. If Matty was your mate, you’d never let anyone near him. And even if the worst happened, it wouldn’t just be you raining hell down on them, it would be all of us.”
Mate. I rubbed at my chest. That was something I hadn’t even allowed myself to think about in relation to Matty. “I’m not good enough for him.”
“Remind me, what was the last thing Geralt said to you?”
“I don’t remember.”
“Yes, you do. Don’t give me that. You remembered well enough the first time you told me the story. He said, ‘Do not punish yourself, Seb. Of us all, you are the one with the biggest heart. Do not let this break it.’”
A tear hit the back of my hand.
“Do you know, that’s the last time I heard you say his name?” Toby pressed on. “You’ve opened up about them once in five centuries.”
“I can’t let myself think of them,” I whispered. “The memories…they’re all-consuming.”
“I get that, I do. They were my family too.”
He reached out and squeezed my hand.
My fingers twitched, ready to throw him off. However, when my hand moved, it was to return his grip. “I’m sorry, Toby. I never looked at it like that.”
“It’s okay.” He smiled kindly. “Unlike you, I’ve dealt with my trauma and baggage.”
“How?”
“Therapy, mainly,” he said simply. “I have a great guy I can recommend. He’s a vampire, like us. Doubt there’s anything you could tell him that he hasn’t already heard.”
I grunted. “What’s the point? I’ve got nothing to live for.”
“What would your family say, if they could hear you now, wishing your life away?” Toby was ruthless as he brought out the big guns. “If your mum knew you didn’t speak of them? If your dad knew you’d buried yourself alongside them? What would Geralt think if he saw you like this? You’re alive, Sebastian, but you’re not living.”
I let out a shuddering breath, trying to make sense of the chaotic emotions swirling through me. My brain was still fuzzy, both from the hangover and the lack of blood. It didn’t help that Toby was stirring up everything I’d tried to hide from for so long. I felt raw.
“And as for ‘nothing to live for,’ what am I, chopped liver?” His eyes burned as he leaned closer. “I’ve lost my whole family, Sebastian. You might be a dick ninety-nine percent of the time, but I’m not losing you too.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat before nodding curtly. “I can’t come back with you though.”
“Why not?”
“I’d make his life a misery. I’m a grumpy fucker. I manage to piss people off without even trying most days.”
“Have you ever pissed Matty off? I mean properly upset him where you couldn’t apologise and make it better?”
“Well, no, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.”
Toby sighed. “Do you honestly think River and Mori don’t argue? Or Cal and Oscar? Any of them? Every relationship has its problems, Sebastian. If you’re aiming for perfection you’re always going to fall short.”
“I can’t give him children,” I whispered. “Matty’s whole future, all he wants is to be a father. He can’t be that if he’s with me.”
“Why the hell not?”
“I’m not bringing a child into this world knowing I’ll be burying them,” I said quietly. “I won’t do that, Toby. I can’t.”
He snorted. “Who said you have to? Adopt a supe baby.”
My brain screeched to a halt. “What?”
“There’s agencies about, just like there are for humans,” Toby explained, a small smile on his lips. “Placements don’t come up often, but it’s not like you’re on a time crunch here.”
