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I snorted. That was an understatement.
“The rest you can thank Toby for. It was a long flight from Farnborough. Plenty of time for him to fill me in on your background. On how you lost…basically everyone all at the same time. Your whole family, except Toby. And worse than that, you lost them because the human you loved betrayed you? Jesus, Sebastian. It’s no wonder you’re so fucked up.”
I let my head fall back against the wall. “Fucking Toby.”
“Have you told Matty what happened to your family?”
I shook my head, keeping my eyes in the ceiling so I didn’t break down completely.
“Why not?”
It took me a long time to answer. When I did, my voice was thick with tears. “Because talking about it makes it real.”
“But it is real. Talking doesn’t change that.”
I shook my head in frustration. “You don’t understand, Leo. I was a different person before. What if I told Matty and he decided to be with me out of pity? Or, even worse, what if he rejected me because I’m nothing compared to who I once was?”
“So you rejected him to avoid suffering the same fate?”
“No, I rejected him because I was coming between him and the rest of you,” I said hollowly. “As someone who’s lost almost all their family, I wasn’t about to put him through the same thing.”
“No one was asking Matty to choose. Not once did I say that. In fact, I actually gave you the option to be with him. Not that you need my permission. As Matty keeps pointing out, he is an adult.”
Leo sighed before continuing. “Look, I know I freaked out that day I walked in on you, but honestly, can you blame me? If you’d been in my shoes, what would you have done?”
“Probably ripped your throat out first, asked questions later.”
“Exactly,” Leo said. “I know we’ve all given you a tough time, but you haven’t been the easiest person to get on with. To be honest, I feel like Matty is the only one who actually knows you. If he thinks you’re good enough for him, then I’m going to trust his judgement.”
“I’m not good enough. He deserves better than my brokenness. He deserves someone whole.”
“But he wants you,” Leo pointed out. “Not someone else.”
“I’m not enough.”
“That doesn’t matter. What matters is, do you want to be enough? If there was a way for you to be with Matty and both be happy, would you take it?”
My frustration exploded out of me. “Of course I fucking would! I’d do anything to be with him.”
“Then be with him,” Leo said simply. “I hate to be the one to point this out, but the only one stopping you being together is you. And yeah, I get why, especially given what happened in your past. Now that I know what you’ve been through, it makes a lot of sense. But you know who doesn’t know that? Matty. To him, you’ve just walked away for no obvious reason.”
“What if the rest of you start putting distance between yourselves and him? I’m not an easy person to be around, Leo. I can promise I’ll try and change, but there’s no guarantee.”
Leo’s gaze turned stormy. “I get where you’re coming from, but trust me when I say that nothing can ever keep me from having a relationship with my brother. He’s as big a part of my life as Ferry is and nothing, not even you, will ever change that.”
“What if I piss you off?”
Leo shrugged. “I’ll probably piss you off right back. It’s what family does, Sebastian.”
I hung my head. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had one.”
“I know. And hearing that you broke up with Matty partly because you didn’t want him estranged from his family…I hate to admit it, but it kinda makes me like you. Not a lot, but some. You had his best interests at heart, even if the execution was completely fucking wrong.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I never meant to hurt him. I thought it was just my heart on the line. I know he said he loves me, but I figured he’d get over me. I just… What if I hurt him in the future?”
“You won’t. You’re going to come back and show up for him. Every. Damn. Day. If he pushes you away, you’re going to fight for him, the way he fought for you.”
“Why are you encouraging this so much?” I whispered, confused. “I know you said he’s finding it difficult, but I’m not worth it. He’ll get over me eventually.”
