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I wasn’t going to hurt him again. It was time to actually put Matty first, not do what I thought was putting him first.
“I will,” I vowed. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck up, but I’ll spend the rest of eternity living to make Matty happy.”
“He might not make it easy,” Leo warned. “You’ve burned him badly. He’s not the same man you walked away from. If I thought he’d get over you and move on, I might not encourage this. But he won’t. You’re it for him, just like Ferry is for me. If you want Matty back, you’re going to have to fight for him.”
For the first time in over three months, I smiled. “Oh, I’ll fight for him all right. He’s spent this whole time fighting for me. I’m going to prove to him just how special he is, and that he deserves the whole damned world, if that’s what he wants. I don’t care if it takes years, time is the one thing I’m not short of.”
“Good.” Leo stood up, clapping his hands together. “Then we’ve got a plane to catch.”
Chapter 29
Matty
“Matty?”
Harlow’s voice cut through my daydream. One where I was in bed with Sebastian, his arms holding me close. “Sorry, what did you ask me?”
Harlow and Oscar exchanged a pitying look before he held up Soul Eater by Lily Mayne. “Just asked if you have a favourite monster penis?”
Next to me, Riley made a grabby motion for the book. “Matty! There’s monster peen? You’ve been holding out on me.”
Everyone chuckled, a discussion breaking out and allowing me to fall back into my stupor.
Now that the renovations were complete on Cal and Oscar’s bookshop, the book club had relocated there from The Closet. Lucky was on one side of me, Riley on the other, although he didn’t usually come to these, preferring to spend his spare time gaming.
Since Sebastian had left, he and Ethan had been taking it in turns to accompany me everywhere. Like maybe if they were with me, I wouldn’t notice his absence.
It never worked, but I appreciated them trying. If it hadn’t been for them and Lucky, I probably wouldn’t have left the house at all over the past three months. The festive season had been particularly brutal. What was once my favourite time of year was now filled with reminders of a happiness I’d never have.
Every day that passed, the hope that Sebastian would waltz back in faded. I hadn’t even texted him for days now, not knowing what to say.
That didn’t mean I’d got over him. I didn’t even know how to begin.
When Sebastian had walked away, he’d taken half of me with him. I didn’t know what to do with the parts he’d left behind.
Nothing helped. None of my old coping mechanisms did anything. Not reciting baking steps or blasting Caffeine Daydreams. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d picked up a crochet hook. I didn’t bother with makeup now—it sat on the side gathering dust alongside all my hopes and dreams.
Everything that used to hold my interest just…didn’t now.
Something nudged my foot. Forcing myself back through the haze, I looked up to see Cal smiling kindly at me. “You okay, Matty?”
The table was silent again, everyone staring at me. No one mentioned Sebastian’s name these days. Probably because of the hysterical mess I seemed to turn into whenever they did. I knew that was what they were thinking about though. About how heartbroken I was. How lost I was without him. I knew they didn’t understand why I was so cut up over Sebastian, of all people.
None of them knew him like I did. None of them knew the hurt he was hiding from all of us.
Even me.
Mustering up a smile, I pushed my chair back. “Sorry, guys. I’m not in the mood for company tonight. I think I’ll call Ferry to come get me.”
Although he’d dropped me off earlier, he hadn’t stayed, trusting Cal and Harlow to be able to deal with any trouble should it arise.
Not that we were expecting any. Everything had been silent since Danny had returned from Scotland. I didn’t know what’d happened, but he’d been oddly rattled since then. Even my heartbroken stupor hadn’t stopped me noticing the change in him.
“No!” Harlow and Lucky shouted at the same time. There was an awkward beat where they all exchanged strange looks.
Part of me wondered if I should push them on it, but that would take more effort than I could find right now.
Lucky reached under the table, squeezing my knee. “I know you’re finding stuff tough right now, but stay. It’ll do you good. Please?”
