AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“He did?” I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Sure, Leo’d been sympathetic and more doting than usual, but to travel to another continent to find Sebastian? “Why?”
“To give me a few home truths I needed to hear, mainly about how much I’d hurt you.”
“Is that the only reason you’re here?” Fresh pain lanced through my chest. “If Leo hadn’t found you, would you have come back?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered honestly. “But not because I don’t love you, or wasn’t missing you so much it was fucking killing me. Until Toby and Leo opened my eyes, I genuinely believed you were better off without me. There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Matty?—”
“Because you never opened up to me!” I cut him off in frustration. “I knew almost nothing, but I loved you anyway.”
“And that’s something I’ve never deserved, but will always treasure.” Sebastian drew his hands from his pockets, carding one through his hair. “I’ll never be worthy of your love, Matty, but that won’t stop me trying to be worthy of it. Starting with telling you everything about my past. Answering whatever questions you have, regardless of what they are.”
He touched my cheek lightly. “So no, Matty. I don’t know if I would’ve made my way back to you if Toby and Leo hadn’t intervened. I was so deep in my own darkness, there was no hope of me finding you on my own. They were the torch that led me back to you. The words of sense and hope in the storm of my own foolishness and idiocy. But make no mistake, Matty. I wasn’t living a life without you. I was barely existing. I’d given up everything worth living for the day I walked away from you.”
“Then why didn’t you come back? Why wasn’t I enough?”
“Oh, Matty.” A tear slid down Sebastian’s cheek, startling me more than anything else this evening. “You’ve always been enough. More than enough. I promise, this was all to do with my past…something I wish I’d dealt with a long time ago. Maybe then I would’ve been in a healthier place when we met and wouldn’t have fucked things up from start to finish. I’m actually going to start seeing a therapist tomorrow. It’s time I started dealing with it—in a healthy way, this time.”
I bit my lip. Everything he said sounded promising, but my walls were so high.
I held up the pieces of paper he’d given me. “And what’s this?”
“My replies.” His throat bobbed. “I read all of your messages, Matty. Multiple times. Then I spent the whole flight home writing my replies.”
The pages in my hand started to swim as tears filled my eyes again.
“I will never ignore you again, Matty. It might’ve taken me a while to realise my mistake, but I promise I’ll never leave you waiting. You said you want actions to show that I’m serious? Take this as the first one. Read my replies, Matty. Please.”
I nodded, clutching them to my chest. “Will I…will I see you soon?”
Sebastian smiled, the sight so sweet the tears almost started falling again. “Sunshine, I promise that’s something you never have to worry about now. I’ll be at your side at all times unless you tell me otherwise.”
I bit my lip, wanting to believe him but still unsure. “Tomorrow? Ten a.m.? I’m off uni for reading week.”
“I’ll be here, sunshine. Every day. I promise.”
Chapter 30
Matty
Iwalked into the flat still half in a daze, the letters from Sebastian clutched in my hands.
Leo and Ferry jumped up from the sofa. My brother was wringing his hands while Ferry studied me from head to toe.
“I’m fine,” I muttered, knowing they were worried. “A little heads-up might’ve been nice though.”
“Sorry,” Leo said sheepishly. “Thought you might like the surprise.”
I took my shoes off, placing them on the rack. They weren’t my Converse. All of those pairs had been relegated to the back of my wardrobe, out of sight and out of mind. I’d used the last of my student loan payment to buy a pair of plain black boots.
They were boring, but sturdy and practical for winter. Pre-Sebastian me wouldn’t have been caught dead in them, but that had made them all the more appealing as I could wear them and never be reminded of him.
“I’m surprised Sebastian isn’t with you,” Leo said carefully. “He found you, yeah?”
I nodded, taking off my coat and hanging it on the hook. Once that was done, I faced my brother. “He did. He also told me how you found him.”
Leo eyed me warily, obviously unsure how I was going to respond to his meddling.
“I’ll put the kettle on,” Ferry said brightly. Way too brightly. “Leave you two to…sort things out.”
