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I hated that too. Hated that he didn’t offer me his hand like he used to.
“Thank you,” I said stiffly, pulling my coat around me.
“You’re welcome. Can I walk you up?”
I was shaking my head before he even finished the question. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
It was hard enough being out here with him. In there? Where we’d shared the best moments of my life followed by the worst?
No. I wasn’t ready for that yet.
Hurt flashed across Sebastian’s face but he quickly smoothed it away with a smile. “That’s fine, Matty. We move at your speed.”
I nodded, twisting to leave.
I made it three paces before stopping, a sharp tug in my chest stopping me going any further.
What am I doing?
A deep shuddering sob ripped from me, and I was moving.
Sebastian’s eyes widened as I charged towards him, his arms opening just in time to catch me as I leapt at him.
My arms and legs wound around him as I smushed my face into his neck. “I missed you so much, Seb.”
His hand went into my hair, tentatively at first, before gripping me harder. “Fuck, sunshine. I missed you more than words can say. I thought of you every minute of every day. Every fucking second, sunshine.”
Another sob broke. “If that was so, why did you ignore my messages? I reached out so many times, Seb. I poured my heart out, and you ignored them like they were nothing.”
“Because I didn’t get them,” he said hoarsely. “I got rid of my phone and laptop the day I….left.”
I went stiff in his arms. “Oh. I knew we were breaking up…or, stopping whatever we’d been doing I guess given we never actually promised each other anything…but I didn’t realise you didn’t want to speak to me again either. Sorry. Just me being a fool, I guess.”
Sebastian lowered me to the floor but didn’t let me go completely. His hand cupped my neck, his head resting on mine. “No, sunshine. I’m the fool here, not you. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to you, but that I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to not contact you. I thought that wouldn’t be fair to you. I thought a clean break would be best.”
“You thought wrong.”
“I did,” his breath shuddered as he inhaled. “I regret all of it, Matty. I regret not asking you out the first day I met you. I regret not chasing you and courting you, exactly the way you deserved. I regret not committing to you the second I realised how I felt about you. And I regret making you feel like what we had was one-sided, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.”
He pressed his lips lightly to my forehead before drawing back slightly. “Most of all though, I regret ever making you think I don’t love you. Because I do, Matty. I love you with everything I am. I’ve been lost in darkness for centuries, but your sunshine burst into my life and taught me how to feel again. I’ll do anything for you to be mine. Anything.”
“I can’t make any promises now,” I sniffed, swiping at my nose with my sleeve. “I don’t know if I can open myself up to trust you again, Seb. You hurt me, so much.”
“I’ll regret that for the rest of eternity,” he said heavily. “I’ll never be able to apologise enough for what I put you through.”
“I don’t need apologies,” I said simply, stepping back. “I need actions. Show me you’re here to stay. Show me you’re willing to fight for me. For us.”
Challenge gleamed in his eyes. “That, sunshine, I can do. In fact, I’ve already started.”
He opened his jacket, removing a folded sheath of papers and holding them out to me. “Here.”
I took them from him, familiar inky handwriting peeking from between the pages. “What’s this?”
Sebastian shoved his hands into his pockets. “I might not have got your messages when you sent them, but when Leo told me you’d been sending them, I hacked into my phone account and read them all.”
“Wait, when did you see Leo?”
“He was the one who found me in Argentina.” He rocked back on his heels thoughtfully. “Well, technically it was Toby who tracked me down, but he did it because Leo wanted to find me.”
