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Turned out, I didn’t need to.
“What’s wrong?”
I pressed the button to start the hot tub filling before smiling over my shoulder at Sebastian, who was putting the strawberries and champagne on the ledge. “Nothing.”
“Sunshine,” he said warningly, his hands going under my shirt and tweaking my nipples. “Don’t make me fuck it out of you again.”
I pushed my arse back, moaning at the feel of his hardness against me. “Remind me, how is that supposed to be deterrent?”
His hand slid down, squeezing me through my trousers. “You’ll change your tune when I’m refusing to let you come. You know you won’t win here, sunshine.”
I pouted at him over my shoulder. “What happened to not being able to say no to me?”
He smirked. “That only applies when it’s making you happy. In this case, I can’t make you happy if you won’t tell me what’s wrong.”
I narrowed my eyes. “That’s not a fun loophole.”
“You should bring up loopholes at the next book club meeting.” Sebatian chuckled, kissing away my pout. “Think you’ll find the other human mates will have a lot to say about them.”
I filed that detail away to ask Lucky about it later. “Well you don’t need to worry, nothing’s wrong.”
“Liar,” Sebastian said, spinning me around so I was facing him. He unbuttoned my shirt, stripping me down without looking away from me. “We’re bonded now. You can’t hide how you’re feeling any more than I can.”
Sebastian continued to strip me until I was naked before him. While he removed his own clothes, I focused in on the bond. It took a moment, but I was able to separate his emotions from my own. Sebastian was happy. Excited. Horny.
But he was also anxious. Concerned. A direct response to how I was feeling.
My defensiveness deflated instantly. “I was thinking about your job.”
Sebastian’s brows shot up. “My job?”
I nodded. “Not the hacking stuff, but…you know…”
His lips twitched. “Oh, you mean the brutal unaliving for pay?”
I huffed, folding my arms over my chest. “Do you have to put it like that?”
“Come on,” Sebastian said fondly, gathering me to him. “Let’s talk about this in the tub.”
A few minutes later, I was reclining between his spread legs, marvelling at the steam rising off the bubbling water. “I’ve never been in a hot tub.”
Sebastian passed me my glass of champagne. “What do you think?”
“It’s nice,” I said, sipping the cool liquid and shivering at the contrast with the hot water.
“Going back to my job,” Sebastian said, his hands exploring my torso as he spoke, “I won’t be doing that again. Not the assassin part, anyway.”
“Really?” I twisted so I could look at him. “I don’t want you changing your life for me.”
But equally, I couldn’t deny that I loved the idea of him stopping. I knew he only took out bad guys, but even so, it was blindingly obvious that it contributed to his warped view of himself. I didn’t think he’d ever embrace himself as a good person if he spent his working hours unaliving people.
“I’m changing it for me,” he countered. “I don’t need that outlet now. I want to change. I don’t want to let darkness rule my life any longer.”
I kissed him briefly before snuggling back between his legs. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Besides, if I continued, I’d have to leave you for weeks, possibly months at a time. I’m not doing that.”
I hadn’t even thought of that. “I don’t want that either.”
