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“Put your good hand on the wall, sunshine.”
I did as he asked, letting it take my weight so he could grab my shower gel and scrunch. “Won’t lie, kinda wish you were telling me to put my hand on the wall so you could do something else.”
Sebastian made a choking noise that almost sounded like a laugh. “Jesus, Matty.”
I glanced up at him from under my lashes. “Don’t you want to hear what I wish you were going to do instead?”
“No.” His tone was curt, his movements brisk as he began to wash me down.
“Oh,” I said quietly. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be thinking about stuff like this with everything that’s happened.”
The scrunch paused at the back of my neck. “No, that’s not it. You can feel however you want, at any time. There’s no right or wrong way to behave after what you’ve been through today.”
I stiffened. If Sebastian thought that then he was saying no for another reason. He’d started to get hard earlier, but that had probably just been a natural reaction to the attention. It didn’t mean anything. It was more likely that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore. Maybe he’d meant what he’d said the other day about us never hooking up again.
Or maybe it was seeing me in such a weak position today. Maybe that was a total turn-off for him.
I cringed. I was being so inappropriate. What in tarnation had I been thinking?
“Matty.” I’d been so lost in my own thoughts that Sebastian’s whisper in my ear had me jumping. “What’s wrong?”
I stared down at the floor, hoping a hole would open up to swallow me whole. “Nothing.”
His hand wrapped around my throat, making my dick twitch. “Don’t lie to me, sunshine.”
I bit back a moan, my body torn between embarrassment and horniness. “It’s just…I realised I’m being inappropriate flirting with you. You’re being so nice by helping me out, and I’m making you uncomfortable.”
Suddenly Sebastian’s naked body was pressed to my back. I gasped as I felt the unmistakable heat of his erection against my skin. “Yes, sunshine. You’re making me uncomfortable. Having you naked in front of me and knowing I can’t touch you the way I want to is nothing short of torture. I’m fighting with myself to not push you to your knees. To not stretch your pretty pink hole with my tongue until you’re wailing. To not watch your eyes roll back in your head as I slowly sink every inch of my cock inside you. To not stroke you until you have no choice but to come all over us both.”
I moaned quietly, the sound lost in the fall of water. How I wanted to turn and let Sebastian do all those things. But his hand held me firmly in place, refusing to let me do anything other than hold still as he took me apart with his words.
“So no, sunshine. I don’t want to hear what you want me to do to you, because I already have too many ideas of my own. My self-control is hanging by a thread, Matty. Knowing your fantasies will snap it completely.”
“I don’t mind that.” No, quite the opposite. I’d happily go to my knees and beg for it.
“But I do,” Sebastian said quietly. His hand dropped from my throat as he stepped back from my body. “For many reasons, Matty. I can’t go there.”
A lump formed in my throat. I was thankful my back was to him, so he couldn’t see the effect his words had on me.
It was ridiculous. I shouldn’t be this hung up on Sebastian when he’d made it so clear there’d never be anything between us. But as he silently started washing me again, his touch caring and gentle, I knew I had no hope.
I’d lost myself to him before I’d even realised what was happening.
My mind was racing, going over everything I knew. Sebastian hadn’t said he didn’t want me, just that he couldn’t go there.
If I were a gambling man, I’d put money on it being because he thought he wasn’t good enough for me. That his lifestyle meant he wasn’t deserving of love.
My brain began plotting ways to show Sebastian how ridiculous those sentiments were. There was no pretending that he hadn’t done some bad things, but not a single one of those things had been to me. Look at what’d happened the one time he’d realised he’d upset me, for heaven’s sake. I’d woken up the next morning to an incredibly thoughtful gesture.
Sebastian was good. He might not believe that, but I did.
I also couldn’t forget what he’d said during those heated minutes with Isaac.
“Do I need to remind you what happened the last time a wolf clan hurt people who were mine? When they took those I loved from me?”
This man quietly caring for me had loved. Deeply. Reading between the lines of what he’d said, he’d lost them in the most painful way possible.
They’d been taken from him.
