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And in that case, it made her want to be better, someone who deserved a man like Ezra.
Chapter 17
Alaska had been quiet since she talked to Shanna. Ezra thought it was mostly because things hadn’t gone the way she wanted them to, but he also wondered if there might be a little bit more to it than that. She kept saying things like she didn’t deserve him, or that she couldn’t believe him, and he didn’t know what to do about it.
He didn’t exactly want to tell her all the terrible things he had ever done, but he wasn’t nearly as perfect as she seemed to think he was.
Talking to her earlier had really seemed to help, and, while he wasn’t exactly a let’s all talk about our emotions kind of person, maybe he needed to become more like that for his wife. He truly did want a relationship like his parents, although, he didn’t want to put pressure on Alaska to be something that she wasn’t, or to feel like she had to be different than what she was.
He didn’t know how to tell her all of that, to let her know that he wanted them to have a relationship that worked for both of them, and not necessarily a carbon copy of his parents, but they could still use his parents as an example, right? It seemed like they had a very biblical relationship, but they also had...more. Affection and respect between them.
Still, she seemed down, and he wasn’t sure what to do. When he asked her if she wanted to eat out, she declined, saying they ought to get back to the kids.
Maybe he could start there.
“So, we talked a little bit about the kids,” he started, hoping that she would respond, and be willing to talk to him.
“Yeah? Is there something you wanted to say?” she asked, fingering the band that he put on her finger. It had been his mother’s. He hadn’t asked her about it, because he was afraid she would decline. It actually meant a lot to him to have her wear it, and he didn’t want to take a chance that she would say no. He supposed that was the coward’s way out.
“Yes, I guess. I just wanted to make sure that...we're on the same page. I don’t know what it takes to adopt them, and maybe you don’t want me to do that.”
“I’d really like it if you would.”
“Maybe I can get the same attorney that I got when we needed the PFA.”
“I didn’t realize you had to go through an attorney.”
“I figured it would be best. It’s in place, by the way.”
“Oh. That’s good.”
“He’s out,” Ezra said, realizing he probably should have told her what his attorney had messaged him earlier when he was out fixing the water trough. He supposed the idea of getting married and all the other things that had been happening had gotten in the way.
“You mean Rex?”
“Yeah.”
“I hope after that he’s not going to be much of a problem. He obviously didn’t get what he wanted the last time.”
“You don’t think he’ll try again?”
“I want to think that he wouldn’t, but... Maybe he will.”
“I think that we ought to assume that he would, and make a plan. But, that really wasn’t what I was thinking with the kids, although we should have a plan for them as well.”
“All right. I don’t really know anything about that, other than I’ve seen people do some pretty terrible things in the name of drugs and money.”
“That’s too bad. But that’s the world we live in. And I think we ought to be ready, rather than taken by surprise. Even if nothing ever happens.”
“I guess I can’t argue with that.”
“But the kids. I... I assume that both of us would be raising them. That we would talk about things, and that you would really want me to be the dad. I don’t want to step on your toes, if that’s not what you had in mind. But, that’s what I would like. They are going to be in my house, I want to be a parent who is involved.” He wanted to be involved in loving them, disciplining them, playing with them, just making them a family.
“That’s what I would like. I guess I don’t know a whole lot about raising children, and you watched your parents raise twelve kids, and they all seem to have turned out okay. Whereas for me, I had a terrible example, and I haven’t exactly turned out well.”
“I think you turned out really well. Especially after I watched what you did today. I’m telling you, it’s uncommon, and I thought it was beautiful.”
“I know you said that. I guess it’s just hard for me to believe. I want to though.”
