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Eugene nodded sleepily as he pulled his blanket a little further up around his chin.
Alice was already in her crib, and although she wasn’t asleep, she lay on her mattress with sleepy eyes turned toward her mom.
Bedtime did not always go this quietly or easily, but Alaska was glad tonight had been one of the better nights. Ezra sat at the foot of Eugene’s bed, watching and listening.
When she stood, putting the story book on top of his dresser, and tiptoeing out of the room, Ezra followed.
Today had gone so much better than she had expected. Ezra was... More. Even though, he had been trying to convince her that he wasn’t perfect, and she believed him, of course, he was so much more than what she deserved. He had been better to her already in just one day than she could ever remember any man being to her in her life before.
It had been quite an eventful day, and she was exhausted. But, there was one married thing that she knew she could do really well, and, if the truth be told, she’d been looking forward to it.
She closed the door quietly with a soft click, and then stood in front of it. Ezra had stopped in the hall and turned around andlooked at her standing in the soft glow of the single bathroom in the house. He kept calling it the little house, and it was small, with only two bedrooms and one bath, with a kitchen and living room downstairs, but it was bigger than a lot of the places she’d been.
“That was beautiful. Do you do that every night?” Ezra said softly as she stood, waiting for him to lead the way to their bedroom.
“It doesn’t always go that well, but yeah. I try to read a story as often as I can. Maybe five nights out of seven. But I just see bedtime as an opportunity to... Not connect with my kids, exactly, but at least spend a little time together where we’re winding down our day and it makes good memories.”
“There were so many kids in our house, our parents never really had a bedtime routine where they spent individual time with each of us. It was more of an ‘okay it’s time to go to bed, brush your teeth, change your clothes and get in bed’ and that was it.”
Was he saying that she was actually doing something better than his family?
“You always hold your family up as an example. I’m sometimes a little jealous, and a lot intimidated. I appreciate you letting me know that maybe I’m doing something right.”
“I don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want me to.” He said that immediately, and sincerely, and she believed him, but she didn’t want to stop talking about his family.
“That’s part of your past. It’s a good part. It works. I mean, twelve kids might be a little much, but...”
“How many kids is the right amount?” he asked, and she supposed every married couple had to have this conversation, but maybe they usually had it before they got married.
“I don’t know. Sometimes I can hardly handle two. I can’t imagine more.”
“My mom had six or eight I think before Nelda started helping us. After that, I think things got easier, but raising children is not an easy job. It’s exhausting, and it never ends. It’s not like you get the weekends off.”
“Yeah. Or any day off. Although you’re right, having Nelda watch them was really nice. We had the whole day and I didn’t hardly have to worry about them. Although I did... When you said that he was out of jail —”
“Yeah. I should have told you I texted my brothers and let them know that they needed to be extra vigilant. We’re going to try hard not to let what happened before, happen again.”
“Thank you. I do worry about that a little bit. Not for me. For my kids.”
“Well I’m concerned for all of you, but I don’t want to call it worry. Worry is a sin, but it’s wise to be prepared, and sometimes worry does that to us. It helps us be prepared.” He hooked a hand around the back of his neck, and shifted from one foot to the other.
Alaska smiled at his obvious unease. This was one area where she had more experience than he did, and perhaps even more confidence. It wasn’t necessarily a good thing, and it wasn’t that she was proud of her past. But, good things could happen out of bad things, and she might as well take her experience and her confidence and put them to use for her husband. She stepped forward two steps before placing a hand on Ezra’s chest. The man jumped. And she hid a smile.
“I think it’s bedtime for us,” she said softly, looking up, and knowing that the smile on her face was as old as Eve.
Ezra stared down at her, the dim light in the hall making it difficult to read his eyes since his face was cast in shadow. She could tell his mouth was unsmiling.
His hand came up and covered hers, but it didn’t press it closer. His fingers wrapped around hers and pulled them away from his chest. Their hands fell between them, although he didn’t let go. She saw it as a rejection, and a little part of her withered. Did he not want her?
“I think I better sleep on the couch tonight,” Ezra said and while there was a bit of sadness in his words, there was somethingelse, too. Something that made his breath hitch and his words sound...almost breathless.
“You don’t have to. Not for me. This is one area where I really do think that I might not have everything down, but I’m good at.”
He laughed, but there wasn’t much humor in it. “It’s probably the opposite for me. I’m definitely not confident. But, I do think we probably ought to know each other a little better, as much as I would...be okay with not. Just...it seems to be wiser to have a better foundation between the two of us before we move into something physical.”
She blinked a little, because while she’d heard various places that a physical relationship wasn’t the best way to start a marriage, it was definitely part of the relationship between a man and a woman, and they were married, so it was okay.
“If you’re doing it for me, you don’t have to. I’m ready.” She paused. “And willing.” She wasn’t sure if she should have added that last. Or maybe she should have said eager. That was true. There was just something about Ezra that made her feel like he was going to take care of her no matter what. She felt like she could trust him. Even though she hadn’t known him that long. She just knew that he wasn’t going to do anything that was going to hurt her. Not on purpose anyway.
