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Dean would kill me if he knew I was going to our old neighborhood, which is why I’m not going to tell him. He’d say it’s too dangerous, but we lived there for most of our lives and survived. It’s only dangerous if you’re not from around there. The locals go after the outsiders, but I’m not an outsider. I’m one of them, and I really want to see my friends and my old house.
As I get closer to the street I used to live on, my thoughts about Haley and the breakup go to the back of my mind as memories from my childhood come flooding back. Dean would say those years were hell and not something he wants to remember, but that’s because he witnessed all the shit our dad did. It’s not like I didn’t see it. There were plenty of nights when I woke up to screaming outside my room and ran out to find my mom on the floor, her lip split open, her eye swollen, and blood running down her face. But when that happened, Dean would pick me up, put me in my room, and barricade the door so I couldn’t get out. Then he’d stay up all night with Mom and take care of her while Dad took off. So I get why Dean never wants to come back here. The years we lived here were way worse for him than for me.
“Holy shit,” I mutter as I turn onto my old street. It doesn’t look at all like I remember. Most of the houses are falling apart, the roofs caving in and the windows boarded up. One house has police tape around it. A kid I went to middle school with used to live there. I wonder if he still does. It’s rare for people to leave this neighborhood. It’s like Sean said, people are born here and die here. You only leave if you’re forced out because you couldn’t pay your bills. I’d still be living here if it weren’t for Dean. His football scholarship got us out.
I slow the car down as I approach our old house. Someone spray-painted graffiti all over it, the shutters have been ripped off, and the front door is broken, barely hanging on to the hinges.
“What the hell?” I mutter, pulling over to the curb.
Getting out of the car, I grab my phone and take a picture of the house. I’m not sure why. There’s no way I’m showing this to Dean. He’d be heartbroken. His friends spent a lot of time and money fixing this place up, and now it looks like shit again.
“Sanders!” someone yells. “That you?”
Looking down the street, I see Leo, one of my friends from school. I’ve known him forever. He’s a year older than me, but he was in my grade because they held him back.
“Hey.” I smile at him as he comes up to me. “What’s with the beard?”
It’s a thick dark beard that he let grow past his neck. As he gets closer, I see he’s got more tats, a full sleeve on each arm and one on the side of his neck.
“You like it?” He tugs on his beard.
“Not really,” I say with a grin.
“What the fuck do you know?” He laughs as he gives me a hug. “Good to see you, man.”
“Did Sean tell you I was coming?”
“Yeah, I just talked to him. I was going to head over there, but then I saw you.” He steps back, his eyes moving up and down me. “Look at you, all grown up.”
“I’ve been spending time in the gym with Dean.”
“It’s working. You were always such a scrawny kid. You needed to bulk up.”
I was scrawny because we never had food. It got even worse when my mom took off. My dad was in prison by then, so when Mom left, we had no one. Dean had to figure out how to put food on the table while also going to school and playing football. I honestly don’t know how he did it.
“So how’s Dean doing these days?” Leo asks.
“Good. He’s still with Brook. They’re engaged.”
“I thought they’d be married by now.”
“Next summer. They want to graduate first.” I point to my old house. “So what happened here?”
“That guy who bought it was a dealer.”
“No shit?”
“Yeah, he had people going in and out of there all day. His girlfriend was an addict and always had her drugged out friends over. They trashed the place.”
“Is anyone still living there?”
“No, the cops shut it down after some guy got shot and almost died.” Leo rubs his hand over his beard. “Actually, I think he died later, at the hospital.”
He talks about it casually, like it’s normal for some guy to be killed a few blocks down from where you live. Crime is a way of life around here so people don’t think anything of it when someone’s shot or a house is robbed. I used to be the same way, but now I notice myself looking around for anyone who might be trouble. I no longer feel safe here, but I try to act cool so Leo doesn’t notice.
“You think I could go inside?” I ask.
“You sure you want to? The place isn’t gonna look like you remember. When you and Dean moved out, it was the best house on the block and now it looks like shit.”
