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When I’m outside, I take off down the sidewalk, not sure where I’m going. I just need to move and burn off all this anxious energy that’s making me feel like I’m about to explode.
I can’t believe this happened. I had it all planned. My whole life. I’d graduate in four years, marry Haley, get a job, a house, have some kids. Now that’s not happening and I have to figure out what to do with my life.
What if Haley was it? What if I never fall in love again and have to spend the rest of my life alone? That used to be Dean’s plan but it wasn’t because he wanted that life. He just didn’t want to get involved with a girl because he was afraid he’d turn out like our dad. I never worried about that. I didn’t know Dad the way Dean did. I was too young when he lived with us. And when he was beating up our mom, Dean would get me out of the house.
“Oh, sorry,” a girl says, almost bumping into me as she stares down at her phone.
“It’s fine,” I mutter.
I look back at the girl. She’s pretty, but I wouldn’t ask her out. I don’t know if I could askanygirl out. After being with Haley for almost three years, I can’t imagine being with anyone else.
Getting out my phone, I check for any messages from Haley. But the last text she sent me was last night at six-thirty, telling me she was going to dinner with her roommate, then going to a party. She didn’t say she misses me or that she loves me. Looking back through her texts, I notice she hasn’t told me she loves me for over a week. Was she hinting that it was over between us? That she didn’t love me anymore? How did I not see this? It’sright there in her texts. She was slowly letting me go and I didn’t see the signs.
I stop and look up from my phone. I’m in the middle of campus now and notice people are already heading into the library to study. I have homework to do, but it’s not getting done this weekend. I may not even go to class on Monday.
If I were back in Dallas, I’d be helping Brook set up her tailgate. She does one every Saturday during football season. I kind of want to call her. She always seems to know the right thing to say when I’m feeling like shit. But I’m not going to call when she’s busy getting everything set up.
I miss Brook and Dean. They’re my only family. It feels like home when I’m with them, even though Dallas itself never did. I liked the warm weather, but I never felt like I fit there. Being back in Chicago feels right, like I’m where I should be. I just wish Dean and Brook were here too.
Maybe I should drive by my old neighborhood. That might make me feel better. At least I’d be around something familiar instead of being on this campus where I don’t know anyone. Maybe I’d even run into some of my old friends. Dean hated those guys, but he didn’t know them like I did.
Looking through my phone, I find Sean’s number and call him.
“Hey, man,” he answers. “Long time.”
“Yeah, too long.” I relax a little, hearing his familiar voice. “You got my text, right? About me moving back?”
“Yeah, when are you moving?”
“I’m already here. Classes started last week.” I don’t bother telling him the name of the college I’m going to because he wouldn’t know it. None of my friends from my old neighborhood went to college. Some of them didn’t even finish high school.
“You should’ve called when you got to town,” Sean says. “You want to come over?”
“I was thinking about it. What do you got going on today?”
“Nothing. I was going to work on my car, but I couldn’t find the part I need.”
He’s always working on a car. He gets these really cheap cars from salvage dealers and fixes them up with parts he gets from the junkyard. Then he sells the car to whoever will buy it and starts all over again with another car. He calls it his job, but I don’t think he makes much money doing it.
“Can I come over right now?” I ask.
“Hell yeah. Get your ass over here. I’ll call the guys and let them know.”
“They’re still around?”
“Yeah.” He laughs. “Where do you think they’d go? You know how it is around here. You’re born here and you die here. You’re one of the few people that escaped.”
The neighborhood where I grew up, where Sean still lives, is one of the most dangerous areas of Chicago. The crime rate is really high. Armed robberies. Rape. Murder. I grew up around all that shit. The cops were always on my street for something. It’s a part of town most people stayed away from, but it’s all I knew. So when I moved to a fancy suburb of Dallas a few years ago, it didn’t feel right. I got used to it, but never felt like I belonged there.
“I’ll head over,” I tell Sean. “Might take an hour with traffic.”
“An hour? Where the hell are you?”
“About a half hour north of the city.”
“The rich suburbs, huh? Guess it makes sense. You get used to living around money it must be hard to go back to being around us poor people.”
“I’m not rich. Not even close. I’m only living here because the college gave me money for school.” I see my car up ahead in the parking lot. “Hey, we can talk when I get there. I’ll see you soon.”
