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CHAPTER 21

MILLIE

Ican feel my heart pounding in my chest and banging against my eardrums.

I can barely move. My entire body aches.

I’m vaguely aware that someone is holding me, and I can hear them calling for help, but I can’t move.

Am I dying?

Noises start to become clearer. I think I can hear a siren.

I can feel that my mind doesn’t want to deal with whatever is happening. I imagine I’m back at the beach with Aaron. We’re on the jet skis, soaking up the sun.

I want to stay here, in that memory.

I can feel myself being pulled back as sounds get louder and louder, making my head ache.

I want to go back to the beach, even if it’s just in my mind.

I swear I can almost hear Aaron. Wait. Is that him?

Images start to flood back to me.

Oh my God. I was with Aaron.

I open my eyes and am surrounded by medics in an ambulance.

Everything feels heightened. My pulse is racing.

I can hear them talking but I can’t comprehend what they’re saying.

I can feel my body kicking into flight-or-flight mode and I yank myself upright.

I’m pushed down and I feel like I’m going to pass out again.

I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my body. I can feel myself panicking.

I feel someone grab my hand and I search the chaos and land on Aaron.

I let out a sigh of relief. I’m not alone. He’s here.

Everything is hazy, but I focus on Aaron. I let him be my anchor and try to get my nervous system out of high alert.

Just as I feel like I’m starting to calm down, something occurs to me.

What if this is what my mom had? What if I’m sick like her?

I think of everything she went through, and I want to cry. I’m not strong enough to go through what she did. I don’t want to die.

Another wave of nausea hits me, and I squeeze Aaron’s hand like it’s a lifeboat.

He asks one of the medics to move and he shuffles closer to me. He strokes my hair and I stare into his eyes. Right now, I’m very glad he’s here.

I don’t know why he came with me. After how he acted the day after we were together, it doesn’t make sense. I feel like I’m missing a huge piece of the puzzle.

He looks worried about me.