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I opened my mouth to argue more. I wanted to tell him that he was missing the point—that it wasn’t about whether I wanted childcare, it was about whether he asked me in the first place. I felt like another piece of ornamental furniture with the rest of the things in this museum. Aimless, maybe pretty to look at, but generally something that could be moved around at will and didn’t have much purpose.
“Even if you did hire someone,” I said quietly. “What am I supposed to do with that time? I’ve been playing tourist for the last month, Xavi. And while it’s been lovely, I need more.”
“More what?” His brow furrowed adorably. “More money? More places to go? If you’re bored, you could go to Scotland for a few days, or Ireland if you’d prefer. Shit, I’ll fly you to the continent if you want—”
“No, I don’t mean more to see,” I said. “I mean, more to do.” I shrugged helplessly. “Maybe that’s why we wanted to come with you. I know it’s not much, but at least being here, being that support gives me more to do than leech off you, like everyone seems to think I’m doing.”
I reached out and pulled his hand from his pocket, then tugged him to sit next to me. I was tired of goggling up at him while he leered over me like a gargoyle.
“Every person at that dinner tonight had one question on the tips of their tongues: what is she doing here?” I told him. “It was in their eyes when they looked at my clothes, in their comments when they talked about literally any kind of future. And you know there was a reason they weren’t the slightest bit interested in anything I had to say either. To them, I don’t matter. Not one bit.”
“That’s because they’re all wankers,” Xavier agreed. “I told you, don’t pay them any mind, babe. They don’t know you—”
“No, they don’t,” I agreed. “But they don’t have to, either. Because I don’t mean anything to them. I have no purpose here, Xavi. I need something to do besides sightsee and look pretty. I need to be a person of value.”
I honestly hadn’t realized that was the truth until he’d pulled it out of me. The last month had been lovely, but I wasn’t cut out to be a lady of leisure. It wasn’t in my DNA.
“I thought…” Xavier seemed truly confused. “I thought you’d want the time off. You’ve been working so hard for so long. You don’t have to worry about that now. I can take care of you and Sof, and you can do…whatever you like. Just relax, right?”
He’d told me variations of that over and over for the last four weeks. I was supposed to relax this summer and take an extended vacation on him. But that wasn’t what I wanted. I wasn’t looking to be someone’s kept lady. I wanted to be someone’s partner.
“Would that make you happy?” I asked, reaching out for one of his large hands. “You are one of the most motivated people I’ve ever met. Could you honestly tell me you’d be happy being a man of leisure?”
He opened his mouth to argue with me but seemed to quickly realize he couldn’t. “Point taken.” He clapped a hand on my knee. “I won’t hire anyone without talking to you first. As for support…” The hand on my knee moved up my thigh a little, then paused, as if waiting for my green light.
I smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I can’t tell you what to do with your time, babe. You’ve got to figure that one out on your own.”
I leaned on his shoulder. That was the hard part, wasn’t it? I’d traveled all the way to England only to feel as lost as ever.
“I’ll figure it out,” I said. “But I don’t want to do it in a different bedroom.”
A deep chuckle vibrated under my temple.
I sat up to look at him. “Or is a duke not allowed to sleep with someone who isn’t his wife?”
Xavier stilled for a second, and I wondered if I’d gone too far. After all, we hadn’t ever discussed marriage, even if my sisters constantly wondered about it. It didn’t help that since Matthew had gotten engaged, the entire Zola family had wedding fever.
Too soon, a voice inside my head reminded me. It’s far too soon.
But we had a child together. We were a family. And just yesterday, hadn’t he almost…
I mean, couldn’t we at least talk about these things?
“The duke,” Xavier said finally, “is allowed to do whatever he fucking wants. And that includes taking his girl to bed and sleeping where he pleases. And right now he pleases to have you. Come here.”
On instinct, I edged away, biting back a grin as I did. We had more to talk about, but as always, I couldn’t resist his charm. Especially when it turned demanding in the best possible way.
Xavier tipped his head, causing the mischievous lock of black hair to fall over his forehead. “You know how I feel about that lip, Ces.” He turned onto his knees and prowled down the bed toward me.
Giggling, I scrambled backward and pressed myself against the gilt headboard. “Careful,” I warned him. “You’re bigger than me.”
For that, I was rewarded with a wolfish grin. “Bloody right I am. Makes it easier to put you where I want.”
Swiftly, he grabbed me under the knees and yanked me forward, forcing me onto my back where he could cage me against the down pillows.
“Francesca.”
