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“Xavi,” I whispered, unable to stop the tears from welling.
The sound seemed to jerk him into action. Immediately, he swiveled on his stool and pulled me up so I was curled toward him. He set his forehead to mine, inviting me to follow his deep breaths.
“Listen to me,” he said. “Listen very hard. Are you listening?”
I swallowed, doing my best not to sob. “I’m—I’m listening.”
“We’re going to be okay,” he told me. “We’reallgoing to be okay.”
I gasped as one sob snuck through. “But the baby—its heart—”
“No,” he cut me off, squeezing my hand and rubbing his nose against mine. “I said listen. No matter what happens today, what news we get, or what goes on in the future, I am not leaving our family. I am here. I am this baby’s father andyourpartner in this, come what may. I am whatever you need me to be, whenever you need it. Do you understand?”
His tone brooked no argument, and I found something about that settled my thrashing heart. The prick of tears subsided as I took another breath with him, then another, and another.
He was so big. So strong. But it was really his spirit that made him a rock for so many.
For me too, it seemed. If I would finally let him.
“I—I understand.” I exhaled once more, then pulled away, wiping a few stray tears that had escaped. “Thank you.”
He wiped away one last tear from my cheek. “No thanks needed, babe. I’m here for you. Always.”
My heart fluttered again in a very different way, to the point where I was no longer able to tell the difference between excitement and fear. It was a thin line between the two when it came to Xavier Parker. Always had been.
The door opened, and Dr. O’Brien reentered with the tech.
“All right,” she said cheerfully to a room deadened with silence. “Everything was confirmed with the other doctors. We’ll want to do an echocardiogram in another eight weeks to follow the progress. Now for the fun part. Who wants to know the sex of the baby?”
* * *
We drove backto the house in sort of a numb daze, neither of us able to converse much beyond cursory words to Xavier’s driver. It was par for the course, I thought irritably as the car turned down Van Brunt Street. Most couples would be over the moon to find out that they were having a little boy.
Yes, the heart issue was scary. But now that I had time to process, I was able to focus on the doctor’s reassurances over the time frame. That it might resolve on its own.
By the time we reached the house, I was substantially calmer. Even able to crack a joke or two. Xavier, however, was basically a statue. If I was able to turn things around, what was his problem?
And so I found Xavier lingering in the living room after I put away my jacket, seemingly unwilling to retreat to the basement or particularly wanting to talk.
Well, too bad. I was done waiting.
“Tea?” I asked as I moved to the kitchen. “I don’t have another tutoring session until one.”
Xavier just grunted, which I took as a yes as I set the kettle on the stove. He moved to the counter, where he sat like a disgruntled bar patron waiting for his next shot.
I pulled out the basket of tea boxes from one of the drawers and set it in front of him. “Here, pick one.”
Without looking, Xavier selected a box and set it on the counter. Stash Earl Grey. A tea I happened to know he thought tasted like fireplace ashes.
I frowned as I pulled out my favorite chamomile blend. Now, I knew something was really wrong. Xavier was as discerning with the things he put into his body as a dermatologist would be with skin care.
“All right,” I said. “Would you like to tell me what’s bothering you?”
Xavier scowled at his hands. “You were there. It is what it is. I just have to learn to deal with it.”
I sighed, then pulled out some mugs and put our tea bags into them. “Look, I get it. I was freaked out too when she first told us. But I think it’s important here not to get ahead of ourselves. Let’s just focus on what the doctor said about how it can resolve itself before the baby’s born. Things can change.”
Xavier snorted. “You can’t really resolve the sex of the baby, Ces.”
