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Chapter 31
With Lucas just behind me, I stormed through Back Bay and through the heart of the city, eager to find some clarity in the thoughts swirling through my head. I was so distracted I couldn't feel the blisters developing on my heels until I reached the Commons.
"Goddammit," I muttered as I stepped onto the grass and slipped off the new red shoes.
"You okay, Ms. Crosby?"
Lucas jogged up next to me, and I smiled grimly.
"I'm fine. I shouldn't have taken them off. You don't have a Band-Aid on you, do you?"
Lucas shook his head. "We could run over to the CVS on the corner. Or we could just go back to the house."
He couldn't quite mask the eagerness in the last statement. I sighed and held my shoes in one hand.
"I just need a few more minutes," I said. "Then you can have David or whoever pull a car around."
I didn't have to ask whether or not there was a car close by. Another perk of security, I supposed. I'd never be stranded in bad weather again.
With Lucas trailing, I wandered into the Public Garden for a bit. It was still a bit warm for October––Boston was experiencing an Indian summer, and although I was happy to have my light wool coat draped over my shoulders, my feet weren't uncomfortable in the grass.
Eventually I found myself on to the short suspension bridge that crossed the pond. I stopped in the middle and leaned out over the water to watch the flickering yellows and oranges of the fall foliage reflecting in the pond's smooth surface. The peaceful mood of the park went a long way to undo the tension clawing through me. In here, with the whispering of the trees and the way the willows drooped over the grass in the moonlight, it didn't feel like I had just watched my fiancé announce his intention to ruin an entire family's fortunes.
"Barefoot in the middle of Boston Commons? That's gross, Red. Even for me."
Startled, I looked up to find Brandon standing next to me. He looked a little worse for wear––like he'd spent a good amount of time walking around the city himself. He'd lost his tuxedo jacket and bowtie, and his sleeves, now slightly grubby and stained with the remnants of Jared's broken nose, were rolled up to his elbows. His hair was no longer combed, looking more like he'd been running his hands through it for the past hour.
"The problem with the security is that now you can always find me," I muttered as I continued to stare at the water. "I did ask for space."
I found, however, that I wasn't mad that he was there.
"I gave you some. And then I came to find you. I don't like the idea of you wandering around by yourself at night."
He edged closer so that we were no more than a few inches apart, and looked down into the water with me. I could see both of our hair gleaming in its surface: two bright spots of red and gold, almost the same colors as the leaves on the changing trees.
I turned, still leaning on the stone wall.
"Did you...are you okay?"
I hadn't considered it until now, but there was a very real possibility that he had had another panic attack once I'd left. I thought back to the night of our engagement party, and a wave of guilt swept through me. I shouldn't have gone anywhere until I knew he was calm again.
But Brandon shook his head. "I'm okay. I..." He took a breath and pushed it out slowly. "Eric and Jane were there. And I...I felt more in control. Not like last time." He looked at me with a particularly sweet gaze. "The singing helps, you know. I feel like a little kid. When I get upset, I think about your voice...and it helps."
I gulped, but let him shuffle close enough that our shoulders touched. As if by instinct, I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. And immediately smelled something I didn't want to.
I sat straight up again and looked at him accusingly. "You smoked!"
Brandon stood up from the bridge and twisted his lips together guiltily. "Ah..."
"Again!"
He still didn't say anything, just stared at the ground.
"Brandon!"
Finally, he looked up. "What? What do you want me to say? Yes, I had a cigarette or two while I walked. And it's better than..."
"Than what? Getting into random fights?"
